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Heather Christena Schmidt is a critically acclaimed mom blogger; published author of four humor books, as well as various short- and long-fiction; and, a self-professed misanthrope.

Growing up in the suburbs of Chicago, in a separated home, Schmidt learned early on that laughing through adversity is perhaps the best way to navigate through some of the drudgeries of life. Schmidt relocated from Chicago to California in late 2000, where she went on to earn a Bachelors of Arts in Political Science and Philosophy, and a Masters in Philosophy with an emphasis in Existentialism. After working the better part of her college career, as well as for a brief time in the political sector, Schmidt decided to leave work and academia behind to become a full-time, homeschooling Stay At Home Mom and housewife.

Some people said Schmidt was crazy. She would agree.

When she isn’t schlepping children around town, scrubbing floors, obsessing over her family’s daily fruit and vegetable intake, and vacuuming over the same sections of carpet over and over again until every patch of spilled glitter and Play-doh has been removed, Schmidt enjoys: reading voraciously, writing to complain, knitting and painting (because it helps her ignore people), and – of course – wine tasting.

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83 comments

  1. Wow! Yet another talented writer out there. Am going to stick to my life long dream of being a stand up comedian. (just made that up!) Will have to check out this book, but first must continue dredging through, “Pride and Prejudice.”

  2. Holy shit! Someone kidnapped my wife Bella and replaced her with super bitch! Wow! I fukin’ luv it! It’s like living in Avalon in the 80s. I’ll bet she hates my fukin gutz too. Kidding . . .

  3. It’s the best time to make some plans for the future and it’s time to be happy.
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  4. Dear HCS,

    Did your parents ever tell you that you had a twin sister? Because I’m pretty sure I’m her. As you can see by my blog name…I think we have a lot in common and the fact that your opener talks about your pottymouth sorta makes me love you instantly. HOLY SHITBALLS! Let’s be BFF’s!!!!!!

  5. After checking out a handful of the articles on your
    site, I seriously like your technique of blogging.

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  6. I love your funny take on being a mom of young kids rather than the “sickly sweet, everything my kid does is adorable” blog! If you want to know whats coming when those now cute kids become teens, check out runningawayfrom49.wordpress.com. The only thing getting us through our carpooling days are thoughts of young studs driving around talking dirty to us! Great Job.

  7. Hey bitch! You know, I may be rushing this relationship a bit. Perhaps we should at least go through the first name faze before I presume. Lol!
    Um… It looks like your blog has really not fallen off a bit since the big event. Glad to see you doing well and keeping a strong face here. I, on the other hand, have been a slacker.

  8. Holy crap you’re my soulmate. Seriously. I also have a grad degree and am a SAHm which I suuuuck at, it is such a culture shock. I’m snarky. Too snarky. I was told I was “too serious and cynical, like you’re 40″ at age 7. Still am. And I challenge the status quo. And support home schooling moms, and misanthropy and have “crazy” ideas about education. And we live in the same *lovely* state. Yay us! Glad to have found your blog…much fun!

  9. I’ll race you out of California, Heather. Next month it’s 34 years for me and counting- my entire life. I have actual complaints about California, though I must say none about the public university system. I’ll be out of here before 4 years pass by, and my parents are going with me. The only thing California will have to remember me by will be the ongoing donations I make to my alma mater, the CSU.

    • Hello, sorry I haven’t commented. My reader never works correctly. It does not give me posts by e-mail on the blogs I am following, so the only way I remember to visit a person’s site is when they comment on my blog.

      It is so frustrating! Hey, do you like the black background? It makes it hard for us older people to read your posts. If you like it keep it, it is just hard for older people with horrible eyes to read. I need new glasses really bad though. I would love to read and comment on all of your posts but I can’t see the words with the background. Thank you for visiting and commenting on my posts.

      Have a great day! :)

      I love your writing style when you comment. It is hilarious! You write exactly how you speak and that takes a ton of balls! You go girl!

      Liz Fruitberry
      Eccentric

    • Heather, do you have a place that shows your latest posts? i can’t fnd any other posts. i guess this theme is confusing to me. Like a list of your latest posts? I put a widget on the left side of my blog that shows my hottest posts. Does this theme have that? Geez, I seriously better get some glasses. :)

      • I do – if you click on the B(itch)Log link in my menu at the top near the picture, you will have a bunch of pictures come up. If you hover your cursor over any one of them they will say the title of that post and you can click to view it. Or you can search for certain posts on my sidebar widget. I was thinking about installing a calendar on my widgets sidebars – do you think that would make it more streamlined for readers? Thanks for your comments :)

  10. Kim

    Hello. I just wanted to let you know that http://www.kimberliah.com has moved on to a self-hosted website. What does this mean for you? Possibly nothing, if you were tired of my blog, but didn’t have the heart to un-follow. You’re officially off the hook! However, if you were still pro-kimberliah please take a moment and visit my site and re-follow. I’ll be your friend for life. I promise! It’ll only take a few second of your time and it will make me smile…. and possibly shed a tear. Happy blogging!

  11. Some gals have all the luck~ this I know fur sure! I’m happy you saved most of it for this hilar post! Highly entertaining! Visuals galore =) The fam and I went shopping for a new washing machine yesterday and they have power steam settings for us germ-a-phobes! I thought of your freshly pressed self~ Congrats!

  12. Hell yes! Bitch, Bitch, Bitch, It’s what I do best. Just ask my family. Thanks for telling it like it is. I too have used my blog for this very platform. Not to better the world, but to vent my frustrations.

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