Heather Christena Schmidt

There are always going to be trends that come and go, usually propelled (and expired) by the 15 – 32 age group.  Sometimes kids a little younger catch on and people say what kind of parents allow that?, just as occasionally people a little older join the fun, only to be thought of as faking it.  I’m not talking about trends in language, like the use of text lingo in normal communication, though (what my usual rants are about).  No, I almost wish I were, for what I’m talking about, here, is much worse.  I’m talking about trends that are meant to make the 15 – 32ers look sexy.  Fashion trends, photo trends – whatever you want to call them.  They’re annoying and, in some cases, disgusting.

This year, my top four most hated “look at me, I’m too hot to trot” trends are (in no particular order):

That Whitish-Peach-Colored Super Shiny Lipgloss

The Kim Kardashian Orange-Skin-Special

The I’m-So-HOT Duckface

and, of course, the newcomer on the scene, Fat Tongue

What about any of these trends screams “I’m hot?”  It’s as if gads of young women (and in many cases, men) really believe that sticking their disgusting, often unclean, tongues out like dead animals is sexy; or as if globbing on pounds of that whitish-peach lip gloss makes their orange skin even more attractive.

I’ve got news for you, ladies.  You look horrible.  Your lip gloss looks like you’ve either eaten one too many powdered doughnuts, or have been snorting way too much cocaine.  Your tongue makes me want to vomit, and your orange skin makes me sad that you don’t realize how stupid you look.  And your duckface … well, the stupidity of your duckface should be self-evident, and yet months after the inception of antiduckface.com (a site devoted to mocking the photo trend), new posts continue to show up daily.

Fortunately, I am still in the 15 – 32 age range, but I would never lower myself to such attention-getting tactics as these.  The people that do this look ignorant, disgusting, and, to be blunt, like skanks.  Ladies, you need to get some self-respect; to recognize that your photograph is beautiful without your lips puckered out so far you look like you’ve had a bad case of botox.  Let’s set a new standard of sexy and stop taking photo, after photo, after photo, for future generations to wonder just what in the hell we were thinking.

Which facial expression do you think is more hideous, vote now!

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