It’s my worst nightmare come true: a festival of yuppies, hipsters, and yupsters banding together in a festival of – dare I say – epic proportions. That’s right, it’s Carmaggedon. It’s the weekend we’ve all been dreading, when the section of the 405 freeway between the 101 and the 10 interchanges is closed. How is Carmaggedon – the event KCET is calling the “freeway apocalypse” – the same thing as Yuppy-fest 2011 you ask? Well before I get into why, let’s look at some facts first:
Fact #1: The major Los Angeles 405 freeway will be closed for roughly 12 miles, for about 53 hours, over the weekend.
Fact #2: This weekend marks the end of the most-traveled time this summer, meaning that most people will have been (and will continue until the end of the weekend) be out of town anyway.
Fact #3: For those that are in town, alternative routes (including the Pacific Coast Highway) are already common place on weekends, due to plans, scenery, beach-related activities, and other similar recreational factors.
Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, let’s make the connection.
The Midnight Ridazz
That’s right, the hipsters have named their attempt to do a massive 300+ person walk/ride on the 405 freeway Saturday night the Midnight Ridazz. The plan is to have this cadre of cyclists (no doubt in their mod outfits, their heads headbanded, all wearing their neon-rimmed glasses) make their way up the 405 North on one of the only times you will see the freeway completely desolate.
Except for a couple of things. First, the freeway isn’t going to be desolate because it’s been closed for construction work, which not only means a crew of workers and trucks, but a major danger to the unprotected pedestrians. The second is that the California Highway Patrol has already stated it will have a force just as massive as the hipsters out there, ready to ticket and arrest anyone on the freeway, and out of line.
The Bikers Versus Jet Blue Race
And in come the yuppies. After Jet Blue announced it would be offering flights from the Long Beach airport to the Burbank airport for a measly $4 a flight, something that deserves a section of its own, some jokesters on Twitter suggested that the bicyclists could beat Jet Blue in a cross-town race during Carmaggedon. And now, it’s apparently on. Beyond the sheer stupidity of taking an airplane across town, this really begs the question: don’t these people have anything better to do with their time?
The Buy Local Yupster Explosion
Now, I’m all for buying local, and supporting local businesses; but the yupsters take it way too far on a normal day. From their organic farms, to their locally manufactured clothing, support of the local market has been a hallmark of the yupster mentality. But since NBC LA came out with its 405 Things To Do During Carmaggedon list, emails, Facebook notifications, and Twitter announcements have been made by the hundreds for special “buy local” deals going on over the weekend. Pictured here is the email I received just today – a huge sale at New Balance LA in honor of the weekend.
With the yuppies, the hipsters, and the yupsters in full force this weekend, Yuppy-fest 2011 makes me crave a good old fashioned L.A. riot – at least then the “countdown to carmaggedon” media coverage of this “historic event” would be justified.
The real deal is this: sure, the 405 freeway is going to be closed for the weekend and that sucks. Yeah, the commute time anywhere in or around town will be longer, so you need to make sure you have enough gas in your tank, and snacks on hand to avert crankiness. Other than that, it seems that the media and the yuppies have again created a hype that is going to end up embarrassing for no one but them. This evening on the news, the broadcaster said “… well, if you are on the 405 northbound right now, you have reached the point … of no return.” Sure, traffic is going to be bad, but it’s L.A … what else is new?