Heather Christena Schmidt

Today I am thankful for … the “hide all status updates” feature in the Newsfeed portion of Facebook.

You know why?  Because every Tom, Dick, and Susan on my Facebook feed is doing this ridiculous Things I’m Thankful for status update bullshit every day in the month of November preceding Thanksgiving.  Here are some of the worst so far (and we’re only twelve days in):

Today I’m thankful for my wonderful husband, who is the best hubbie in the whole wide world!  (Ahem, please read my blog about why he is actually not…)

I’m starting this daily Things I’m Thankful For thing everyone’s doing, so today I am thankful for Facebook and how it makes it so easy for me to keep in contact with all my friends and family that I would otherwise never talk to!  (Ever hear of a telephone?)

For this the seventh day, I am thankful for Midol and modern medicine! LOL  (I’ll respond with an acronym, bitch:  T.M.I.)

You can get the point, faithful blog followers.  The majority of these are annoying, generic, and not something we all need to hear from everyone.  Of course you are thankful for your husband or you wouldn’t be married to him.  And obviously you are thankful for the ability to keep in touch with the people you love.  At this point I would pay right now for an original “Things I’m Thankful For”… really, I would.

But the real “point” is not how obnoxiously stupid these things everyone is thankful for are but that – as usual – everyone must have a holiday to tell them that they need to be or feel a certain way, rather than just doing it every day of the year.  Why can’t you just be thankful for what you are thankful for, when you are thankful for it?  Why can’t you remember to be thankful for those things you should be thankful for?  Why must you use Thanksgiving as an excuse to be thankful?  Why do you need an excuse?

I’m not down on people posting things on Facebook that they are thankful for.  I’m down on this vague and seemingly shallow attempt at being cute in the name of an impending holiday.  If you are truly thankful for those things in your life you mention – your husband, your Facebook, your Midol – then why not be thankful at a completely unpredictable and spontaneous time, instead of when everyone else is doing it?  At least then it will mean more.

Up next on the B(itch)Log you ask?  Why Thanksgiving is really about murdering and oppressing an entire group of people rather than being thankful we have each other.

Also, have you liked me on Facebook yet?  Hows about you do that right now… click here to get to the page and “like” it!