I mean, I knew that I had become “one of those people” – you know, someone in a general group that does something other people look at and say “oh, you are one of those people.” I do it all the time, so I’m not surprised that others would do it to me; although, it wasn’t until I began to pack for our upcoming vacation that I realized I have become one of those on a number of levels.
When I started packing, I realized I have quite the dearth of actual clothing one would wear out of the house. I dress pretty nicely when I do go out, but I guess as a housewife with very little meaning behind her existence, I wear yoga pants and pajamas a lot. When I started paying attention, I realized that I get into pajamas pretty early in the day as well. Today, I was in them by 2:00 pm.
Maybe it has to do with the fact that we get sick constantly with the grimy shit germs that kids generally carry with them, but I realize now that I have become a total germaphobe. When I was packing the carry on bag of snacks, wipes, and other miscellaneous kid-friendly necessities, I went out and purchased a new bottle of hand soap “just in case the public restrooms are out.” I know, I am hanging my head in shame as I type this.
Again, hanging my head in shame. I know how to find healthy snacks when I travel – I’ve done it a ton of times. And yet something has changed because now I insist on making my own snacks. I suppose it has something to do with my new psychosis that every meal we have must be homemade. This isn’t to say we don’t eat out – actually we eat out all the time. But when I cook, it’s always from scratch. That’s how mom would have done it (if she wasn’t a dead beat, or could still cook that is).
Okay, I’m not really one of those people, but I must admit that today while eating my orange chicken and chow mein lunch at Panda Express, I felt a tinge of this “it was meant to be” when I opened my fortune cookie. It read: “A much needed vacation will bring a great deal of enjoyment.” Could it be that the gods of buffet-style Chinese food knew that I would be there?
So I’ve become one of those people, or maybe I am in the process. The ones that wear pajamas all the time. That are germaphobes and insist on making their own food from scratch, all the time. Next thing you know I’ll be drinking Coors Light like those people do; shopping at Home Depot every Saturday for home goods and projects to take my mind over how mundane my life is. Maybe one day I’ll even become like the ones that watch Dancing with the Stars and post ad nauseum on Facebook about what happened on American Idol.
No that’s wrong – I will never become one of those people.