The Day My Trailer Trash Mom Went Insane

I know I’ve already put up a post today, but this really deserved it’s own, separate discussion with all you faithful blog followers. For this will forever go down in history as the day my Trailer Trash Mom went insane.

I actually think my Trailer Trash Mom has gone insane before. There was that time when I was in 6th grade and she cried uncontrollably for six hours straight at the kitchen sink because Patrick Swayze went to heaven at the end of the movie Ghost. There was also that time she was dating Marvin Gaye’s former drummer and showed up at the Fresno International Airport asking for her plane ticket to tour Madonna with him, even though she had no actual information beyond something he had said months prior. Yeah, my Trailer Trash Mom has issues – this is why I usually try to keep her at a distance.

So the Mother’s Day gala of the century is just a few days away, and she is now out to prove how angry she is at the world by abusing me over the whole meal preparation thing as much as she possibly can. I realize, now, that the reason she is throwing this little shindig (mostly in her own honor) is because last year I didn’t really do anything for her for the day. This may explain why I caved and continue to take her drama.

When she showed up at my house today to take Pookie to swim lessons so that I would not be interrupted in my six hour cake bake (yes, the cake I was baking takes roughly six hours to bake), she walked into the kitchen and saw all five layers of the cake cooling. This means that the majority of my work was done – the two red velvet layers, the two french vanilla layers, and the thick layer of sticky fudge to hold it all together in the middle were all done. All that was left was to freeze the layers for a few days and then stack the layers together and ice the cake on Saturday night.

My Trailer Trash Mom

Heather, it looks like these layers are going to break apart


Yeah, they are fine. That is how they have to cool so that they fit together properly when I put the cake together. They will not break, just don’t touch them.

Note: my Trailer Trash Mom again has revealed to me at this point how little she actually knows about baking and cooking. Her cooking tastes like shit and the last time she baked anything she almost burned down our apartment doing so.

My Trailer Trash Mom

(Mumbling) Oh yeah, you know everything Heather … you know everything …

My Trailer Trash Mom then left and took Pookie to swimming. 

I should also mention at this point that I was at my dad’s house. I was baking bacon a week or so ago and spilled grease all over the bottom of my oven, which caused smoke to permeate through our entire apartment, setting off the fire alarm and causing a neighborhood ruckus. Afterwards, the grease melded with whatever else was at the bottom of my oven so that now it looks like I was cooking human intestines in the bottom of the damn thing, and I have yet to find the time to clean it out. So today I gathered my things and went to my dad’s house – he has a nicer oven anyway.

My Dad With the Harry Caray Glasses

…walked out to the kitchen to get a Diet Coke

Uh, Heather … what the fuck happened to your cakes?

(Yes, my dad said “fuck” … he says it all the time, which is particularly ironic given how much he bitches at me for saying it so often in my blogs.)


What do you mean? They’re cooling.

I walked into the kitchen and saw that my mother has destroyed my cakes. That’s right, my Trailer Trash Mom broke apart my cakes – the most egregious of which was the fudge that was supposed to hold the entire thing together.

I began to cry.

My Dad With the Harry Caray Glasses

Wow, your mom is one vindictive bitch!

Yes, dad. Yes, she is. I see now why they divorced over twenty years ago.

The remainder of my day was spent shopping and drinking copious amounts of wine. My husband says that I should just say ‘screw it’ altogether on the dessert. My Dad With the Harry Caray Glasses says I should just go buy a box set and make a new cake. I just can’t get over how insane my mother is. All the crying episodes about the movie Ghost, and the whole Marvin Gaye’s drummer thing, doesn’t compare in the least bit to a directly malicious act. I have yet to even bring it up with my Trailer Trash Mom. I’m sure she’ll just spew more of her hillbilly shit all over the place.

Or maybe it will be like an intervention. I don’t know, I still can’t even decide what to do about the cake. No matter what, I think this really was the day My Trailer Trash Mom went insane. Like really insane – who even knows what will happen next.


  1. Reasons I Was Meant to be a Mom | B(itch) Log

    […] this entire Mother’s Day nonsense with my Trailer Trash Mom, I have realized just how unhealthy this situation is for the under-18 crowd. I knew it was […]

  2. Marz

    Omg!!! I cannot believe she did that. And I can’t believe you haven’t pulled her up on it yet either. I wouldn’t make another thing. I would buy something, drop it off and stay for ten mins and leave if she doesn’t apologize. That is so inconsiderate and I’m sorry you have to deal with that Heather.

  3. Marz

    Omg! I cannot believe that she did that! And you didn’t say anything yet?!?! If she doesnt apologize, I wouldn’t make another thing. I would buy something, go for a brief time and leave. That is so mean and inconsiderate!!! I feel bad for you!

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      Thanks!! We left after a few hours. It ended up being lame!

  4. Prepartying With My Trailer Trash Mom | B(itch) Log

    […] asking me first, demanded a cake that takes roughly 6 hours to bake, and then intentionally destroyed said cake out of anger; since we are in the countdown phase, it’s time to start the […]

  5. Kanerva

    That’s just plain wrong. I think your plan with the repaired cake and writing to your grandparents shows great dignity in the face of total cr@p. Tsemppiä (you can do it!)

  6. To the high school girl in the apartment next door, crying with the window open … | B(itch) Log

    […] other than the ongoing saga of my Trailer Trash Mom‘s Mother’s Day Mayhem until after Sunday, and boy do I have a few doozies for you crazy faithful blog followers. But none of them were […]

  7. lgkelley

    Wow, unreal. I love the trailer trash version of a Barbie doll as your mother.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt


  8. alienredqueen

    DO NOT do another thing for that bitch! That is so mean, I can not believe a mother could be so spiteful (yes I can). But if you make another cake/buy another cake/ anything else you are sending her the message that she can shit on you and you will STILL do what she wants. I would write a letter to your grandmothers/aunts/female relatives who are also going to be at the party. Show up. Put it in their hands personally. The letter should explain why (no matter what your mother may tell them) you decided not to make/bring the food for their party. And then leave.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      I’m doing something similar. I am going to write a letter, to my grandparents only though. My aunts and uncles are just as psychotic and vindictive as my mom, so all effort will be lost on them. I’m showing up with what I’ve got – the cake pieced back together with frosting, the food prepared to the extent I prepared it before her little stunt, and that’s it. Then I don’t think I’m going to be answering her calls anymore, and by the sounds of our phone conversation yesterday it would seem she doesn’t plan on calling me either. Not sure how it got to this, but I also don’t really care anymore hah

      1. alienredqueen

        Good girl! Stand your ground. My mother and I have been estranged many times. If I told you half the stuff she did, well… you might at least know you’re not alone.

  9. paralaxvu

    My dear, I love your posts. Well, most of them. Every time you write about your TT mom, I wanna go find her and, not kill her, no, do something that would somehow open her tiny brain to how the world really works and what mother-daughter relationships are supposed to be about. Then, I want to convene an intervention for YOU, Ms. B(Itch). I want to tell you that you are ruining your life, sending bad vibrations (yeah, I grew up in the hippie era) throughout your soul, and you need to PUT. YOUR. MOTHER. OUT. OF. YOUR. LIFE. Take the good stuff, bundle it tightly around you for warmth, and kick that subhuman out of your life. NOW. BEFORE MOTHER’S DAY. No, no, wait, I just had a better idea…Take the remains of that cake and dump it on your Mom’s head, then go kiss your grandma and leave the place with some dignity. Now, before any more harm is done to your own soul. My warm thoughts are with you. Icy ones for Mom.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      All hippy-ness aside, I totally agree with you. It does not affect my TTM one iota, but me it does. Last night I got totally sick to my stomach and slept harder than I think I have ever slept. This morning when I woke up I knew that it was all just stress from this. It’s got to stop! I fixed the cake the best I could with hot fudge and frosting, and the freezer, and it’ll be what it turns out to be. After Sunday, in all seriousness, I’m having a reassessing of my familial relationships because this I think has become totally unhealthy.

  10. rich

    my mom died about 30 years ago. i propose we get a labORatory in the mountains, some kites, a guy with a hunchback and/or nasty limp, lotsa wires. lots. two big tables. put your mom on one, mine on the other. attach wires to their brains, maybe a nice bracelet. tennis bracelet. oh, gotta have a storm.

    then we raise the tables, attach the wires to the kites, launch them. then we wait for the lightning to strike the kites, electricity flows down the kites through the wires attached to the brains of the mom’s.

    then your mom’s head explodes because there is no brain. my mom just lies there because she’s dead. and then we wonder what happened to the three bottles of wine we had.

    that’s all i got.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      What a glorious plan! Haha

      1. rich

        might need tweaking.

      2. Heather Christena Schmidt

        If so, just a smidge hahah

      3. rich

        larger bottles of wine. that should do it. maybe crackers. too

      4. Heather Christena Schmidt

        Now we’re talking! Although no wine and crackers would be complete with out some cheese.

      5. rich

        i like those balls o’ cheese with the nuts around the outside. i think port wine cheese or something like that.

      6. Heather Christena Schmidt

        I’m a fan of the port wine cheese hahah

  11. mommaa

    I’m really sorry to hear that your own mother did that. As someone who bakes, I completely understand what it felt like to see all of your hard work ruined. I vote that you make your mom her own cake. A cake that contains a nice amount of ExLax. I assume that she will never ask you to bake again. Problem solved. 🙂

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt


  12. boomiebol

    I’m so sorry she did that. Find strength in yourself if you feel up to it, and make another cake. Not for her, but for yourself cos it’s what you intended to do in the first place. I think it would also be a nice gesture for your pookie to see, so she knows her mom is indeed the best regardless of what people throw at her. Hope I make sense :).

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      Thanks!! I was able to repair the cake with some frosting and hot fudge, and am freezing the layers together. It’ll turn out so-so and I did it for exactly the reasons you said – for me and to set a good example. 🙂

  13. the howler and me

    That is WRONG. Time for trailer trash mom to go back to NM and never come back.

    I would bring the ruined cake….FUCK making a new one.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      I pieced it back together with frosting, hot fudge, and the freezer. It will look like shit but I wasn’t about to remake the whole cake just for her. I realize now that she really isn’t “mom” (if that makes any sense) – hasn’t been for a long time.

      1. the howler and me

        totally makes sense. My mom has bouts of complete ridiculousness in which I am the adult and she is a two year old…

        It is sad.

        I hope you have yourself a happy mother’s day…. treat yourself 🙂 you deserve it.

  14. hecallsmescroogy

    Bring the cake remnants all mushed up in a bowl. And when anyone asks what happened, tell them Trailer Trash Mom adjusted the recipe.

    1. lauriejlong

      I love, love, love this idea! If your sister-in-law shows up, be sure to bring Hello Kitty toast for her and some orange marmalade. Sorry your mom is such a bitchy-pants. You should cut her off, unless of course she adds comedic value to your life. Better yet, write a book about how awful she is and PUBLISH THAT SHIT! 😉

      1. Heather Christena Schmidt

        Lordy, I have more than enough material from her already to write volumes!! HAHA!!

    2. Heather Christena Schmidt


  15. mrmarymuthafuckingpoppins

    Hey Homey I don’t know you or ya situation like that but this person directly insulted you and your personal space. I feel you shouldn’t make the cake. At some point it has to stop the abuse , the vindictive behavior.

    Letting it slide let her know she can push you around. Dont let the fact that she is ya moms deter you from speaking up for yourself. That is just plain wrong and hurtful.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      I agree, it is just plain wrong and hurtful. That said, I fixed the cake just for my own sake. I’m going to make this whole stupid meal, take it over, smile and be polite, and walk away probably never to return. Enough is enough.

  16. jimcolv

    This my friend is the point where it’s time to say fuck it all!!! Woooo!! I’d be pissed right now. I’m surprised you were calm enough to even scribe something, but I recall you mentioning the “copious amounts of wine” so I digress.

    This is like a crazy mini-series. I can’t seem to pull myself away. I want to see how this all ends. Like you’re building us up for a climatic ending. Fuck reality TV, we’ve got the misadventures of a trailer trash mom versus the misanthropic wonder of the world. Will our heroine finally snap? What will our hillbilly mom destroy next? Tune in next time….

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      I love the way you describe this saga … LOVE IT!!

  17. xuanryanklevecka

    Your mom sounds a lot like my aunt. If she is unhappy for whatever stupid reason, she takes it out on my cousin by being an evil, hurtful bitch. As a result, my cousin has been going to therapy for 20+ years to deal with her ongoing mom issues.

    Hey, you should make a “special” cake just for your mom to make your Mother’s Day a bit more enjoyable.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      I was thinking about making a “special” cake just for her hahahahah

  18. Frugalistablog

    What??? How in theee hell? Who does that?? You should just not have a dessert at all. Just like you do for a child when they do something disobedient.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      I don’t know who would do something like that, besides my mother… I repaired the dessert as a personal challenge to myself. But I’m reassessing my familial relationships after Sunday.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: