5 (More) Pet Peeves: Home Edition

We live in an apartment complex of some couple hundred places. There are town homes, condos, and apartments of all sizes. When we moved here – just in November of last year – we really liked it. The rent was affordable. The area was almost too quiet. There are pools, a work out room, and the complex is relatively close to a lot of local stuff.

And now, as my husband feared, I fucking hate it.

Don’t get me wrong, I prefer to live in apartments. For a while we considered buying a condominium, but the thought of being permanently tied to southern California would no doubt upgrade my difficulty finding reason to get out of bed in the morning to an utter inability to do so. I also like the idea of being able to get up and go without having to worry about too much, the sense of community, and some of the amenities as well as the ability to call maintenance for problems without having to deal with the cost and maintenance ourselves.

And still, as my husband feared, I fucking hate it.

I still like the affordable rent and all the stuff we have available to us. And I love the fact that we have had a lot of repairs that would have cost us an arm and a leg; yet, in reality cost us absolutely nothing since maintenance is included in our rent (unless we intentionally break shit). But some other things have happened since November that I don’t like. For one, no one abides by the pet policy (so it would seem), except for us. People are supposed to be allowed indoor cats only, and yet there are cats fucking everywhere. I hate cats with every breath in my body – I’m allergic and their dander and hair dropped on my front porch makes me sneeze and wheeze on a daily basis. Why the hell should I have to deal with that? Worse, as I have mentioned to you faithful blog followers before – one of those cats has completely destroyed my Midnight Jasmine. And don’t even get me started on the fact that they do not allow dogs of any kind and yet every other cotton-picking unit has a dog.

But it goes beyond the pets. Some hillbillies recent moved across the walkway. I can only assume these people are hillbillies because of the fact that I heard one of them say he lost his teeth. I see them come home with KFC and Taco Bell bags on a daily basis. It appears that none of them works, or at least works very little. By my count, there are 8 people living in the two bedroom apartment, with an additional 10 or so constantly coming in and out. They have parties every single fucking night. Every fucking night. They are loud. They are crude. Without a doubt they are hillbillies, and it is obvious that a lot of the neighbors don’t want to take it anymore (six other units have moved out since these people moved in).

Then this morning, we received a notice on our door that there have been recent burglaries in the area. So now our quiet and safe neighborhood is louder than shit until all hours of the night, and to make matters worse: unsafe.

SO I’m in a shitty mood (when am I NOT?). To blow off a little steam, I thought I would share five more of my pet peeves – home style ones. Now that I’ve gotten the neighborly ones off my chest already, my list focuses on my own house.

#5 Leaving recycling trash on the counter

I’m all for saving the planet, but sometimes it annoys the shit out of me. Not only do we produce very little recyclable waste, but we waste so much more in electronic waste as well as the enormous carbon footprint my husband’s car leaves behind. It thus seems almost a little childish to be making such a big deal about one ginger ale can once in a while. Not saying we shouldn’t recycle, just saying let’s keep things in perspective here.

We have no room in our place at all for a recycle can, so it sits out in our covered carport. The only job my husband has around the house is to take out the trash, which would of course include moving any of the recyclable things to the recycle can out by the cars. Annoying as all shit is when that recycling stuff, which my husband makes a federal case over “doing his part” for, is left on the kitchen counter – where I cook food. Trash, human garbage – often covered in bacteria and bits of food – left on the counter. Seriously – one fucking job.

#4 Wasting money “trying new things” that turn out to be crap

Last night we wasted an entire bottle of the crappiest wine I have ever had. Just as with saving the planet, I’m all for trying new things. But at some point, and with certain things, I really think we should stick with our “go-to”s, unless we have money to flush down the toilet.

Or down the drain, in this instance.

My husband convinced me to buy a new bottle of wine at World Market the other day. I was going to get one of my regulars but instead we got this Radio Buzz crap from Spain. When we opened it last night, you could actually smell the alcohol – it was that shitty. A couple sips and I couldn’t take it. Just a few more for my husband and the whole thing was dumped down the drain. I’m so tired of wasting money on stuff like that.

#3 Continuing to pretend like we are horticulturists

Speaking of wasting money, it has become my pet peeve that we must continue this little charade that we are horticulturists. As long as I have known my husband, and as long as we have been living together, we have been unable to keep plants alive. If our own lives depended on it, we would have been dead a long time ago.

I’ve done research, I’ve tried all kinds of different things – I just can’t keep them alive. Had a cat not killed my Midnight Jasmine, here, I would have (eventually). I have no idea at this point how much money we have wasted on this little project over the years, but at the very least the most recent destruction of foliage comes to $115 wasted. We bought those in February.

Maybe #4 and #3 would really be combined into one main pet peeve: wasting money stupidly.

#2 Leaving hairs in the sink

This really hacks me off. While laying in bed this morning, I could hear my husband trimming his beard and my blood pressure immediately began to rise because I knew that when I got to the sink it would be full of those little, annoying hairs.

They wouldn’t be so goddamned annoying if they didn’t clog the drain. I know they clog the drain and that my husband hasn’t told the maintenance people yet we need the drain unclogged. I also know that every time the maintenance people come they tell me to stop allowing my husband to try and fix things himself, because it usually makes the problems worse (this last time they said the management will start charging us for repairs because his attempt at fixing the shower door made it more difficult for them to fix, and they can always tell … how embarrassing that was).

So immediately after my husband leaves, I have to get up and wipe all of those disgusting fucking hairs out of the sink so that it doesn’t clog even more. Big annoyance.

#1 Not wiping crumbs off the counter/table

Oh my God faithful blog followers, this is the tip of the iceberg for me. I’m not sure why it makes me so crazy, but whenever anyone in this place leaves crumbs or smudges of shit on the counters or the kitchen table, I go absolutely bonkers. Maybe it’s because I have usually just cleaned only to see that a mess has been made. Maybe it’s because sometimes it’s in the form of leaving a knife with peanut butter on it sitting in the sink – the sink that was cleaned and will now have to be cleaned again. I don’t know, but I usually go ballistic about it. Like I did this morning.

There they are. My five (more) pet peeves. The home edition. Maybe the marriage edition. Maybe I’m just on the rag and pissed off at the world. Or just those hillbillies across the walkway.


  1. lauriejlong

    I don’t mean to be a b(itch), but the bottle of ‘wine’ from Spain had a twist-top, did it not? Girl, that right there screams ‘shite wine!’ Also, if you had made it past the first glass, it wouldn’t have been so bad because you would have been semi-toasted. Should you make such a mistake in the future, may I suggest a bottle of Sprite. Then it will be shite sangria and not so bad. I hate hair in the sink, too. Grrr. And stupid effing cats, but you already knew that.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      No, you are right. I even mentioned the twist top when we bought it, expressing my trepidation towards buying it for that alone!

  2. christenjackson

    Ditto on 1, 2 and 5. I think those just come along with living with a man who has difficulty seeing things from someone else’s perspective, on my part. It just doesn’t occur to him that since he is the one who makes the majority of that mess, then perhaps I shouldn’t be the one who has to clean it up all the time. My major pet peeve is spots on the bathroom mirror from where he has either washed his face and in doing so thoroughly soaked the mirror and counter top, or has brushed his teeth a bit too vigorously leaving little flecks of tooth paste (please let it be toothpaste) on the mirror. It takes just a few seconds to wipe something down while it is still wet, but instead I have to haul out the cleaning supplies once a day because it is dried on. :-/

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      Yeah that mirror thing annoys me too. Today like a psycho I spent about a half hour carefully inspecting the sink for little hairs. I found eight – I need a life.

  3. journeyofjordannaeast

    OMG the recyclables on the counters is a MAJOR pet peeve of mine! And the thing that drives me the craziest is that we have a trash bag in the kitchen closet (a mere 6 steps away) for the freaking recyclables. Why, oh why, can’t my husband walk a few feet over to the closet and put them in there? Right now, there are about 2 dozen bottles and cans on my counter. So many that there are a few stragglers on the damn stove. Ugh!

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      That would annoy the shit out of me if there was a trash bag right there. Dear God.

      1. journeyofjordannaeast

        It annoys me beyond belief, but since I’m not working and he is, I haven’t stabbed him in the face yet.

  4. rich

    i shave in the shower. i only shave in the shower because it helps me know how long it’s been since my last shower. as for the neighbors/hillbillies – it’s part of the pro’s and con’s of renting an apartment as opposed to buying something. they’re not invested in the place. renting usually means an amount of transients who don’t care like you do.

    i still don’t know a more fun blog to read.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      You are too kind. I think shaving in the shower is the best for keeping that shit cleaned up. I even bought my husband a shower mirror, but he uses an electric beard trimmer for keeping it under control. Ah well..

  5. Smaktakula

    Hairs in the sink bug me too. And there’s no excuse for not recycling in CA because they make it so ridiculously easy–although apartment life offers additional challenges.

    I have great difficulty growing non-carnivorous plants (I’m pretty fair with CP’s), which is a shame, as such a skill would be a real money-saver.

    I’d love to hear more about the hillbillies. Did Cooter ever find his teefs?

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      I haven’t a clue if Cooter ever found his teeth, although when I got home I did notice that they put up a dart board right next to the door. Hope no one walks outside it while people are throwing darts :/

  6. alienredqueen

    I told my husband before that I was going to pile all the dirty dishes on his side of the bed. Nothing is more irritating than finishing a sink full of dishes than to have someone walk by afterwards and casually toss in a cereal bowl and spoon. You should collect the hair for a while and hide it under his pillow. 😉

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      That would be so awesome if you put them on his side of the bed!! Oh my God…

      1. lauriejlong

        I almost suggested the same thing! LMAO You could also trim your carpet and leave it on his pillow. (I just vomited a little at the thought.)

      2. Heather Christena Schmidt

        That sounds so spectacular. And evil. And disgusting hahaha – all in one, little package!

      3. lauriejlong

        Send some to Hello Kitty Toaster while you’re at it. Do it anonymously. (Did you ever see the episode of Jackass when they trimmed their areas and then made a guy glue it on his face and pretend he was an Arab that was disgruntled with America? He only found out what the hair really was after the skit was over. It was just that trio of spectacular, evil and disgusting. Side note: I am NOT a fan of Jackass. I find it crude and I laugh in spite of myself when I watch it.)

  7. paralaxvu

    I dunno, but I bet most women with male partners would have at least 4 of those 5 peeves. My biggest one, which you didn’t mention, was cured when we got a place with two bathrooms so he has a toilet all to himself and the door stays closed. Every six months or so I open the door and frag the room.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      I like the idea of two separate bathrooms. This should be a goal…

  8. bornattwentyfive

    Everytime i read one of your posts I end up laughing out loud! I couldn’t agree with number four more!

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      Thanks!! I have to admit I laugh out loud when I write them, which usually makes me think they aren’t funny at all. One should never laugh at their own jokes, right? Whatever.

      1. lauriejlong

        I laugh at my own jokes. I am the funniest person I know. Nothing wrong with that, girl.

      2. Heather Christena Schmidt


  9. shutterbug

    I know what you mean (#1 & #2)!!! It’s bad enough when you’re just living with one person, but add two stepkids to the mix??
    Stay strong!

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      HAHA! Thanks!!

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