My Menstrual Hut


Yes, I am going there faithful blog followers. If you are a man easily turned off by all things feminine, get over it – this isn’t about stuff like uteruses and tampon tips. And this most certainly is not a series of gripes about being a woman.

A few days ago I was perusing the Internet and somehow happened upon a site called The Menstrual Hut. It wasn’t a joke or  an Health and Wellness site either. No, no – it was a website where some women gave homage to their periods by posting photographs of their used tampons and maxi pads. Usually all you hear about are women complaining about their periods, though. Menstruation does seem pretty inefficient (for the most part at least); and it is a pain (literally and figuratively).

But despite the cramps and the headaches, and the occasional zits popping up in odd places, I love it. Not so much that I would post photographs of my used maxi pads anywhere; but definitely enough to make a list of reasons why I do.

Reason #1: Skinny Jeans

The minute my period begins, my body sheds water weight like gang busters. From then until the time I ovulate (roughly two weeks later), I am in the skinny jeans zone. Some of the nicest compliments I have gotten about the way I look have been when I am on the ol’ rag.

 Reason #2: An Excuse for being a Crazy B(itch)

I mean, I’m certifiably crazy most (read: all) days of the year, but on the 3 – 5 days that Aunt Flo is in town, I have an excuse. I also silently excuse others in assumption that they, too, are on the rag. “Oh, my friend just told me I’m an asshole … she must just be on her period – I’ll forgive her” or “oh, that other mother just gave me the stink eye before she started screaming at my kid … we’re going to just assume she’s feeling a little hormonal today and move along.” While I like to confront the world head on, sometimes it is a little less stressful to pick your battles and excuse the bitchiness.

 Reason #3: My Hormonal Changes Affect My Husband’s Hormonal Changes

You faithful blog followers all know that men go through a monthly hormonal change just like women do, right? And just like women closely confined bleed at the same time, men and women closely confined have monthly hormonal fluctuations along the same pattern as well. I know my husband is on his rag when he starts breaking out like a 15 year old, throwing little temper tantrums like a queen, and eating entire bricks of cheese in one sitting. Personally, I find it entertaining.

Reason #4: With Aunt Flo Goes Lots o’ Toxins

I just read a great article in Psychology Today about a female scientist that disappeared in the 90s after publishing some controversial papers, one of which was about menstruation being a good thing and birth control inhibiting the body ridding itself of toxins. I thought to myself – well duh, this is why I don’t take birth control, and it’s just another reason why I love my red flag.

So when the zit the size of Puerto Rico planted itself on my face this morning, I knew this was just junk getting flushed out of my system. Yay for Period Pimples!

 

Reason #5: A Biological Trick on my Husband

Every month when it gets close to period time, my husband starts fishing around to find out when I’ve gotten it. I don’t take birth control pills, so when I am stressed out or sick my period comes early or late. This month I got sick with food poisoning and then I was super stressed out with everything my Trailer Trash Mom was putting me through, so Aunt Flo’s flight came in a whopping week and a half late. For the last week or so, my husband has asked over and over if I’m pregnant, only on the sly:

Nick says: “Oh, you have cramps? PMS or something … … else ……..??”

Nick means: “Is there a baby growing inside you?”

Nick says: “How are your cramps doing this evening?”

Nick means: “Are you still pregnant? Because in my mind you are and the world is going to end because of it.”

The funniest part about this is that it appears that Poor Nick thinks his sperm can be implanted in my uterus simply by looking at me contemptuously from across the dinner table. You may be magical, darling; but not that magical.

See, now – was that so bad? Five reasons why I love my period; and there are plenty more why I’m sure you secretly love yours.

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27 Comments on “My Menstrual Hut

  1. Pingback: My Threesome With Pancho and Jesus; or, the Most Humiliating Day of My Life | B(itch) Log

  2. It is biological and women love it although it hurts men some time.Is it true that a woman can get pregnant if he sexually meet her man while menstruating

  3. We call it manstrating when my BF gets his time of the month. 🙂

  4. Posting photos of used tampons???? That’s just…gross. I don’t think BC keeps you from flushing toxins. If you’re on the pill, you still get a period. And I have to say I’m never happy to see the ol’ pre-period zits (which have been hellish since the baby was born and my period came back!)

    • I know … HORRIFYING. Birth control if you take the ones that inhibit your period do in fact stop your body from eliminating toxins. It all depends on which ones you take. I don’t like putting synthetic hormones in my body for any reason – but that is just a consequence of working in pharmacy. I really don’t like taking any medicine really.

  5. Well, I’m officially banned from asking my wife about her period. I made the cardinal error of mistakening her just feeling a way about something for her time of the month. I did it one too many times and was given a final warning to never mention it again. So from that point forward I no longer think of it (read: I’m a sucker when it comes to my wife). I believe she was very serious about that. I know her wraith so I will leave well enough alone. Shit…. I hope she’s not reading this…. *looks around cautiously*

    • BAHhaha. I think that is sage advice. Mentioning “perioding” when a chick is upset about something is tantamount to laughing at her when she’s mad. Like waving a red rag in front of a bull….

      • Yeah…. I’ve learned in the time that we have been together that some battles I’m just not going to win (read: mostly all of them I will lose anyway). It keeps stress levels low in my life. The key to it all is ensuring that she stays happy or reasonably content. Not saying that we live in a bubble, we do have our conflicts and talk them out, but I do what works for me in my marriage.

      • What’s funny is that she actually reads your blog from time to time too. Not sure how often she does so because she’s not really into the blogosphere as much as I am. But I haven’t gotten yelled at yet, so it’s safe to assume that she hasn’t viewed my comments, or she’s waiting until I get home so she can slap the shit out of me…. :-/

  6. I’m way too old for periods. And I do not miss them or anything that came with them or their lateness. Nor would I take pictures of my used tampons and/or napkins…the only one who sees my insides of any kind is my doctor and the ultrasound tech.

  7. You are hilarious and gross, all at the same time – love it!

      • I mean not to say I’m going to go out and photograph my tampons and pads, gag me. But I appreciate your perspective. I’m going to start adopting that way of thinking. My acupuncture doctor also says we need our periods, eastern cultures seem to incorporate their cycles more in their health management.

      • What I would like to know is why anyone in their right mind would put PHOTOGRAPHS on the INTERNET of their USED FEMININE PRODUCTS?!?! No seriously … that’s disgusting. Not doing that. But the period *is* a healthy thing.

  8. LMBO!!!…..(my husband left the room somewhere around the website with the used maxi’s section) This was an awesome read and informational (I now understand my husband’s ridiculous fluctuation in attitude-thank you!) I’ll be sure to buy a box of tampon mini’s as a secret joke because of this post to make myself laugh historically during “his time of the month”

    Much Love!

    Defyne

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