… I know, Heather? Researching and soliciting the opinions of OTHERS?
Indeed.
I’m writing a blog about marriage (again) and want you crazy people to weigh in:
WHO (if anyone) has a right to comment to or about a husband and wife and their marriage in a negative light (example: he is so awful to you…)???
I of course have my own opinion on this, but I want to know what the opinions are from others.
Don’t get used to it hahah ;D
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[…] the readers responded “no one – my marriage, my life.” There were a lot of other great comments and votes as well, but that “no one” came in at a whopping 70%. I’d say marriage meddling […]
damn i missed the poll. i’ve been of touch keeping up on blogs the past week. damn damn damn.
If you are so entwined in it that you cannot see, then someone should say something, but only you have the actual right to say anything. If you are being mistreated physically or emotionally, that is wrong.
On the other hand, every marriage is different. My husband and I blow up at each other and then we are done with the argument. He doesn’t buy flowers, but he does make the bed and wash dishes. He is kind and sweet sometimes and loud as thunder other times. He has never hit me or cursed at me. Gauge your relationship by that… good luck.
“WHO (if anyone) has a right to comment to or about a husband and wife and their marriage in a negative light (example: he is so awful to you…)???” (I want to know what constitutes awful: working late a lot, traveling constantly, not buying flowers, not going out for anniversary or even remembering anniversary, never saying I love you, not remembering birthday of any family member… my list could go on and on…. 🙂 )
Every marriage is different, and just because one marriage is like X + Y, it doesn’t mean all are. I get really peeved by comments (especially from those ‘near and dear’) about my husbands actions or lack of. He is who he is, FULL STOP.
Even worse are family members who talk about you behind your back and in front of their own children. Who then come along and ask why X doesn’t do this? I was in this very situation with my sister… felt like cr@p, my parents also don’t get us, at least they said it to my face. As I said to them there is more to a marriage than what people outside it see 😉
The only ones that can (and should) comment are those party to the marriage (ie partner A and B). The rest is speculation and at worst rumor mongering.
Okay, as you can see, I feel quite strongly about this. Unless I open the discussion, it’s all speculation and you can just butt out! Now, I’m off to have a calming glass of red 🙂 Looking forward to reading the outcome of this survey!
I can’t even answer this because it depends in the situation and in the people receiving and giving the advice. Some abused women don’t have the strength or support to stand up for themselves and they need someone-anyone-to step in and rescue them. On the other hand, some people worm their way into a situation just to destroy marriages by causing drama. I suppose in the end, the marriage is up to the couple. Then again, it isn’t wrong to pull someone aside and say to then, “you sure could treat your spouse better.” In that case, they are addressing the problem directly, not circumnavigating it.
I voted “other.” This would have been my vote had it been on the list, or had “other” been allowed to say something further…I always wanna say something further;-)
People need to mind their own business, period. But let’s say your girlfriend is complaining about her husband. And he’s a total dumbass. Then there are suggestions and advice that I think could be appropriate. And of course in any case where abuse is suspected. But otherwise, butt out.
“other” button *
The other thing is kind of wonky. I agree with friends and family if you’re in danger… but also, best friends have general free reign to be honest to their friend ESPECIALLY if you routinely complain to them about your spouse.
In my opinion you only have the right to comment if you are doing so to let the person who is being mistreated know that if they need help, you are there for them. Other than that it is up to them to decided what is in their best interest and whether they should stay or go. Telling someone else what to do never works, but being there for them to listen or to help when needed will show them they are worthy of true care and consideration from another person and may help them stick up for themselves over time. However, if there is abuse going on, that is a completely different story. Physical or emotional, it has to be stopped.
Heather Christena Schmidt 
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