Lately I’ve been thinking about why my blog (life) is so devoid of readers (people that like me). I researched a little about “why people don’t read my blog” (“why people don’t want to be my friend”) and even bitched about it in a previous post. In this quest to make my blog more successful, this last few weeks I looked at other blogs that seem to be terribly successful so that maybe I could see what I’m doing wrong that they are doing right.
So far, I have yet to find much wrong with my page. In fact, I’m starting to think my site is too nice. I don’t boozehound (I mean, not really…) and post pictures of baby shit enough, so it would seem. Maybe that’s my problem.
Nonetheless, I found a lot of blogs that are extremely popular, and there is no reason in my mind why they should be. Obviously I won’t name them by name. Some of them I think are run by really nice people; chances are if you are reading this you are not one of them. But I did learn a few things from these horrors of the Internet:
Bloggie Blog Blunder #1: The Wedding/Baby/Marathon Blog
I’m not one to disparage people for wanting to share the tales of their major life events. But people that start a blog for the sole purpose of documenting either: (a) their engagement and wedding, (b) the pregnancy and birth of their baby, or (c) the marathon they decided to run, are – in one word – annoying.
For one, once their wedding is over or the kid has popped out, the blogging comes to a halt either immediately or shortly thereafter and becomes just another website out there that is taking up space and slowing down the Internet.
For two, why the fuck do complete strangers want to know about this shit?
Today I saw this wedding blog-type thing for these two unbelievably hipsterish morons that basically documented in blog-format the timeline of their douchey, hipster relationship; and then at the end of this 9 mile webpage (which apparently served as a wedding website or wedding announcement or whatever hipster crap you want to call it), people had the option to enter their wedding invitation RSVP at the end. So basically, it was a private event made public. For the duration of their blogging at least, blogs of this type are fine, but should be kept private. Most sites that host blogs give you the option of privating the page; and this gives the world much less nonsense to weed through when looking for something good.
Even more insulting are the number of temporary wedding/baby/marathon blogs that have been Freshly Pressed. Really WordPress? Freshly Pressed should be reserved for veterans.
Bloggie Blog Blunder #2: The Credit Stealers
Maybe it’s in the form of photographs that are stolen from someone else’s website. (I can’t tell you how many amateur pornography sites have hit up my website to copy and use a picture I have of a donkey’s dick…although I don’t want credit for that really.) Or possibly it is an idea that one blogger blogged about that then 7,000 other bloggers decided to take and make their own. The point is that if it originated somewhere else, just add in a little sentence or phrase or even just a word that they get the credit.
This has happened to me quite a few times. Now, I know I can be insightful and witty and shit (once or twice a year), but stealing my ideas without giving credit where credit is due is just atrocious. I’m also not saying that I am the only one with X, Y, or Z ideas, but if a blog is posted with something pretty random and then the same day the same random topic is posted on a bunch of other sites, that just happen to follow the original blog – well, come on now.
While seeking out blogs to compare my own to this last week or so, I saw one in particular that seemed to be pretty bad with the plagarism, whilst terribly protective of her own shit. She’s a mom blogger and even has a trademark symbol behind everything she believes she owns patent to (including her terminology for her overindulgent pig-hogging). For someone that is so protective, you’d think she wouldn’t be stealing other people’s stuff without at least saying where she got it.
Bloggie Blog Blunder #3: The Opportunist Commenter
These people really piss me off. I’m talking fire shooting out my ass, I am just that mad. Here is a great example from one of my posts in the last few days:
Douchesausage left a comment awaiting moderation: Nice post. Follow my blog please IAmADickFaceAssHat.wordpress.com
Fuck you, Douchesausage. I refuse to follow these types of people, especially when few of them actually have followed me. It’s one thing to say “hey, this reminds me of a post I wrote a while ago …” but to make it clear you didn’t even read my post… Well that, sir, makes you a wart on the foot of the Blogosphere.
Bloggie Blog Blunder #4: The Rambler
And then I was on TopMommyBlogs.com. I’m a registered blog on there, trying to solicit votes all the time (see #5). Today I clicked through some of the blogs with higher votes and – while most of them were awesome – a few of them were full of ramblers.
You know who I’m talking about: the people that post 16,000 words about the snausages and eggs they had for breakfast. The people that start a blog off about how their kid is officially potty trained, but before we learn that little Joey tinkled in the toilet, we also read that the dog had a bowel movement resembling the state of New York this morning, the mom-blogger is only 15 pounds away from her pre-baby weight, and that little Joey had a rash on his hoo-hoo a few nights ago which the doctor said would go away with some cream. We also heard about the trip to the pharmacy to get the cream before actually learning that little Joey finally tinkled.
Fucking kill me, right? Stick to topic, people!
Bloggie Blog Blunder #5: Not Paying It Forward
You always support another blogger (or person). You click on their links. You vote for their blog. You share their stuff when they ask you to. And then they can’t even do the simplest thing for you in return – even when you ask.
I think this happens in regular life too. Today I posted on my Facebook, asking my friends if they could vote for me on TopMommyBlogs.com. All it required them to do was click my website and then click the TopMommyBlogs picture or link. I prefaced it with something only mildly snarky, mainly because it was true:
It wasn’t nasty, was it? I was just being honest and possibly (definitely) trying to coax (guilt) them into doing it. I mean, I do vote for a lot of bands, attend a lot of Facebook events for Adorable Dog Contests, and just generally act supportive of my friends on Facebook. I mean, that is the friendly thing to do, right?
I got 8 votes of my 365 friends. I’ll be remembering this next time they want me to vote daily for their kid in the Gap Baby Cute Kid contest.
So what are the lessons we have learned? A good blogger commits to a blog for the long haul. A good blogger cuts to the chase and pays it forward – every time. A good blogger gives credit where credit is due. And a good blogger does not ever – never ever – posts a “Nice post, follow me…” comment. Otherwise you are a douchesausage. And your blog resembles that thing in the shape of the state of New York from little Joey’s dog this morning.