For this week’s Shut the Fuck Up Fridays, I’d like to address people that give bad advice.
Have you ever been given bad advice? I’ve been given plenty of it. Sometimes I’m smart enough to know that it’s bad advice, and so I ignore it. Other times I’m either tricked or my brain is so far up the asses I’m wiping and bathing and shuttling to and from activities that I take it and suffer the consequences.
Here are my most recents that I should have just told to shut the fuck up:
That blogger that told me the best and only necessary way to network my blog was on Facebook
What a load of bull shit that was. If you currently or have ever had a blog, you know that relying solely on Facebook or even social media in general to market your blog is probably a recipe for disaster of blognanamous proportions.
The biggest problem with doing this is you are relying on a terribly inconsistent and a too broadly used resource to market something that is niche. Blogs are niche – whether they are general blogs, mom blogs, cooking blogs, whatever. Not everyone goes to Facebook to talk about blogs, though; so not everyone you try and market your blog with on Facebook will want it to clog up their newsfeed.
Also, people are dicks. I can’t tell you how many people I have supported in their stupid causes through social media, only for them to tell me they don’t “do that” in return. Really? You don’t say?
Blog advice giver(s): shut the fuck up.
That person at my husband’s work that advised us to watch “The Trip”
Jesus Christ slathered on a piece of toast (and I’m Catholic, so I can say that), what a terrible, terrible, horribly awful movie “The Trip” was.
For those of you unfamiliar, these two British actors that are not funny, not attractive, and quite idiotic go on a little foodie trip through Wales to engorge themselves on scallops, tons of shit covered in butter, lots of wine, marijuana, and one of the guys sleeping with every two-bit whore he could find in their various hotels. It was two hours in which I felt like repeatedly banging my head against the wall, because if I did it enough I would black out and not have to endure the stupidity and boringness that was this film.
Next time this guy tries to recommend a movie, my husband has been advised to tell him to do one thing, and one thing only: shut the fuck up.
The person that suggested I give California Italian food one more shot
Eating California’s version of Italian food is typically like eating a bowl of puke. It’s actually worse than puke.
I don’t know what it is about it that turns me off so much. Maybe it’s California’s emphasis on fusion – fusing multiple genres of food into one. The result is a bad combination of spices and sauces that these local yupsters think is so posh and unique, when really it’s like a plate of bile and vomit.
I thought I’d take the advice of the person in one of my book clubs that suggested I give California Italian food one more shot, and have tried it a few more times over the course of the last few months. I tried different dishes. I tried to see the beauty in adding carne asada to lasagna. I tried to see the sheer awe-inspiring genius of fusing edamame with alfredo linguini. But I just can’t help but feel like an idiot myself for taking this horrible advice. Crap is crap, no matter what way you look at it.
To the California Italian cuisiners: shut the fuck up.
Those are just a few of the incidences of bad advice I have been given recently. At least bad advice that I’ve taken. Then we have bad advice I haven’t taken (like the suggestion that I put my kid into underwater ballet, whatever the hell that is); as well as unsolicited advice (don’t even get me started on that one).
What bad advice have you received lately faithful blog followers? I’m sure you will join me in telling those bad advice-givers a resounding SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Heather Christena Schmidt 
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