4 Reasons Political Season Needs To Be Over, and Now


For the last few weeks, whenever I look on Facebook, scan the trending topics on Twitter, scroll through the TV, read the news aggregate, or just have any communication with other human beings whatsoever, I find myself pulling at my hair and resisting the temptation to chug whisky until I black out, sprawled on the ground with my legs spread and my cooter in the air. Like that one time I smuggled a fifth into the Yo Gabba Gabba concert. The urge to embark in my own personal debauchery is especially bad right now on account of political season.

As I see it, there are four very compelling reasons why political season needs to be over, and now.

#1 The political memes have gotten old

The political memes have all gotten old at this point. There were a few that were pretty catchy at first. Obama drinking in an Irish pub with various captions. Mitt Romney laughing with Big Bird’s bird shit all over his head. But around the 294,532,197th meme depicting the same fucking message, the memes got old. Really, really old.

As I said to someone recently about memes in general: there is nothing wrong with being clever and making people think through the humor of an Internet meme. There is, however, something wrong with the same thing being done over and over and over and over and over again until it has lost all its meaning and become nothing but a cliche.

#2 The hype over single issues has become a little frightening

I think the Sesame Street-Big Bird thing is what really killed it for me. Within minutes of that stupid comment Romney made about shutting down Sesame Street and PBS, everyone jumped on the bandwagon. The memes started. The ads started. The Save Big Bird Twitter accounts began and all of a sudden the Huffington Post was passing up publishing me in favor of Big Bird pictures yet again.

These elections seem to move from issue to issue in terms of popularity and public awareness, now, and I see so many people change their allegiance accordingly. It scares the shit out of me to see how many people I know that don’t sum up all the issues anymore, but rather make impulsive decisions based on what is in the news right now. Romney is anti-abortion, I’ll vote for Obama! Obama didn’t create as many jobs as we wanted, I’ll vote for Romney! Romney wants to kill off Big Bird, I’ll vote for Obama! Obama wants to crack down on gun control, I’ll vote for Romney!

Voting for the issues is definitely the right way to vote. Voting for the issues in the limelight right now (rather than all of them, together as a well-thought out whole) is not.

#3 All the things neither candidate will do a goddamned thing about being shoved down our fucking throats to try and make us angry enough to vote

Democrat or Republican, neither candidate is going to be able to snap their fingers and undo the damage of all the years of misappropriation and poor leadership this country had. Obama or Romney, gas companies will still get kick backs, health insurance companies will still be pulling their usual bullshit, this country will still be unrelentingly divided. This is the beauty of living in a country that is both staunchly capitalistic and stuck with just two parties for us to choose from come election time.

Some things will not change for a long time, no matter who is elected. It’s the reality of running a country.

So it makes me feel like shipping myself off to the planet Neptune for the rest of my life every time I hear about things that neither Democrats nor Republicans will ever be able to change instantly. The other day I saw a picture on Facebook about how much gas prices cost and how much Exxon got away with not paying in taxes last year. This did nothing but upset me. It doesn’t make my vote sway either way because no matter how many candidates have promised to eliminate corporate welfare for oil companies, none have been successful in doing so. It didn’t compel me to vote for change, in fact in sort of compelled me to sit at home on voting day eating donuts and wallowing in the depression that comes with getting the gas card bill every month.

#4 Campaign signs junking up my town

Is it just me, or are campaign signs getting uglier and uglier these days? Whatever happened to the old red-white-and-blue act? The traditional font and a simple logo? Now I’m being blinded with neon orange and pink. Candidates want to stand out from the crowd, so they use purple and photographs of themselves.

I’m going to tell you all this right now: I will never vote for some dumb motherfucker that uses Chalkboard for their font on their campaign sign, which I saw the other day while driving to the grocery store.

It could just be that I live in a place where local politics are a complete and utter joke in the grand scheme of things. Or it could be that politicians are appealing more to the common people than just the elitists that used to be the only voters. In any event, it’s fucking ugly and doing nothing but junking up my town.

I am so ready for political season to be over with. I really, really am. I am sure you all are too, or maybe your only reason is that you are tired of hearing me bitch about it. Whatever the case may be, I would love for us all to be magically transported to the second week in November. Then we’ll all know what the fate of our country is. We’ll all be ready to return to our traditionally apathetic selves until the next campaign season comes along. And we’ll have a few years to seal the wounds our previous political diatribes may have caused in our interpersonal relationships. That last one is something I know I’m really looking forward to.

I’m tempted to ask who you are all voting for. But then again I don’t want a debate on my page to erupt. I’m also tempted to suggest we all grab a fifth of whisky and go to the polls wasted, then we can all write me in – sprawled out on the floor with my cooter hanging out, and all. As compared to the other candidates, my stance is pretty clear: abortions for some, miniature American flags for others. And fuck yeah, ‘merica!

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7 Comments on “4 Reasons Political Season Needs To Be Over, and Now

  1. there are things about the republicans that i like and dislike, and that goes for democrats too. when i say “republicans” and “democrats,” i don’t mean the voters of each but the leaders of each. what scares me the most and keeps me away from the republicans is the separation they are working towards. they have a subtle agenda that seems to be working to create a greater divide between the “have’s” and the “have not’s.” their ideas seem to take the middle class and either bring some up to the upper class or push some down to poverty. i truly believe there are many who would be happy if we drifted into an aristocracy. meanwhile, the republican voters seem to have this strange hope that they’ll be brought along for the ride because they each envision themselves as being one of those who will move up instead of down and have no problem stepping on others to move up. for me, i’d be reaching down to help those who have fallen, even if i stops me from moving up a little. that’s what keeps me a democrat.

  2. Reason #5: The political debates are hogging my favorite television time slots.

    I found you on the TGIF Blog Hop and hope you’ll hop over to mine.

  3. Your blog is awesome! Just nominated you for the Versatile Blogger award! Please stop by my site to grab your award badge and leave a comment there to let me know you got it. Congrats!

  4. Neptune might SOUND like a good option, but it’s a super cold gaseous planet, so it makes for a crappy hideout until elections are over. I think a private island here on boring old earth would serve you better. I’ll bring the wine.

  5. Thank you! I’ve been thisfreakingclose for weeks now to defriending most of my friends and family on Facebook and just generally shutting off every electronic device in the house because I’m so sick of the politics already. Time to move on.

  6. I think politics brings out the true nature of people. You can really tell how a person thinks and feels based on their politics. I’m so ready for it to be over myself and I’m not even in the US right now. I can’t stand and watching all of this sports commentary-style analysis over this move and that. Just like you said, it won’t matter who the hell the President is, as long as capitalism is the chosen path we will continue to have winners and losers. Just my thoughts….

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