STFU Fridays: Brought to You By My Boobs

I would argue that my boobs are probably the equivalent of a man’s balls. Not everyone has big ones, but I do (relatively speaking), which means that I have the “boobs” to say what’s on my mind. I have the “boobs” to tell it like it is.

And I have the “boobs” to call party foul on all this Breast Cancer Awareness nonsense.

In recent years, people have started to outcry some of the fallacy that is the month of October. Earlier this week I read Slice of Humble’s really nicely put together post on it; today I read an article off my Google News aggregate as well. People are starting to speak up against all this Think Pink, cutesy awareness crap.

The problem with Breast Cancer Awareness month now is it’s been made cute. It’s all vodka martinis dyed pink and cupcakes with little flags sticking out, shaped like a young, perky set of boobies.

It’s bumper stickers that say “Save the Tatas” and football players wearing hot pink bandanas.

Every goddamned grocery item you buy during the month of October is slathered in pink. All month we celebrate women’s breasts and how beautiful a woman is and how she should protect that beauty. And it’s groups like Milfs Against Breast Cancer.

I have a few things to say about all of this.

Article 1

There is nothing beautiful about breast cancer. Women are beautiful creatures, yes; but if a woman loses her breasts to a horrible disease she is still a woman, and a beautiful one at that.

There is no “saving the tatas”; there is only saving the life which is the only important thing.

Article 2

Breast cancer is not vodka martinis and cupcakes. It is not a party. It is not a celebration.

Life is a celebration. Awareness of life is a celebration. But if we continue to spend all the money made on these fundraising, awareness campaigns just funding more awareness campaigns, the money that is needed to save lives will never come. A few of my friends said it perfectly this morning: rather than throwing lavish parties and putting hot pink bandanas on football players, how about use that money for mammograms and treatment of the uninsured?

Article 3

Facebook status updates cannot and will never cure cancer. No one gives a shit where you put your purse or how long your arm is, or whatever the fuck those stupid games are about.

Does anyone remember when that whole Facebook child molestation awareness thing happened, and everyone changed their profile picture to their favorite childhood cartoon? Yeah, the National Institute of Justice against Child Abuse and Maltreatment issued a statement during that about how awareness campaigns are cute, but energy should be placed into finding real funds to help those in need.

I think we should all take a fucking lesson from that.

Article 4

Have you ever wondered how much of your money donated actually goes towards breast cancer research? You know, when you are perusing the aisles of the grocery store, seeing everything slathered in pink, and patting yourself on the back for giving to the cause every time you buy your fucking pink box Cheerios?

Very little of the profit from those purchases actually goes toward breast cancer research. Numbers fly around everywhere, but the real kicker is that only about 15% of funds donated actually make it in the end to research. Just what the fuck is that?!

Think about how many new procedures, new medications, side effect mitigation, and other possible outcomes that 85% of funding could have done over the years.

Article 5

Breast cancer is not sexy.

But this is different than Article 1. I don’t mean that breast cancer is not sexy, like it’s not beautiful. I mean that it is not boobies, tatas, women in low cut shirts, and MILFs.

Breast cancer can happen at any age, but the vast majority of cases are in older women. Older women with saggy boobs, that wear button up pinafores and spend all their time knitting. Older women who would never in a million years refer to their sag bags as “tatas,” or allow someone to call them a MILF.

It often feels as though these women are being left out of the campaign, or for the most part not the focus when they are the group of people that are at the highest risk and need the most awareness.

Article 6

Another one of my longtime family friends this morning said this final point perfectly: “not to diminish breast cancer, but more women die each year from heart disease than any type of cancer.”

Where are the heart disease awareness campaigns? Where are the “Save the Love Button” bumper stickers and the products covered in red? Where are the Facebook status updates about heart attack awareness? Where are the free bottles of aspirin and the goddamned football players wearing red bandannas?

The point is this: awareness campaigns are only as good as the action they inspire. For breast cancer, that doesn’t just mean women feeling themselves up (as so many commercials eloquently put it). It means more research, more options, more eradication. Prevention is only one step, and sometimes (a lot of times) the people that do everything the “right way” still wind up with breast cancer, and forms that are incurable right now.

Above all, women are beautiful and sexy and awesome whether they have boobs or not. Ovaries or none. Heart disease or no heart disease. This seems to just be another example of how society has tried to insist that women be perfectly put together. It’s always “save the perfect image;” never “save us as we are.”

To them, the booby cupcake-baking, Save the Tatas-wearing, MILFs for breast cancer awareness-touting, Facebook game status updating morons: my “boobs” and I would kindly ask you to SHUT THE FUCK UP.


  1. soshespeaks

    I couldn’t agree more. My aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer at 42 with 2 kids, ages 5 and 3 at home. She opted for a double mastectomy even though that wasn’t protocol because
    living to see her children grow up far exceeded the need to “save her tatas” and be sexy.

    She couldn’t be more beautiful to me and she’s still here, being a great mom and a strong woman.

    Glamourizing cancer with pink martinis isn’t going fix it. Spreading awareness and reminding women to do monthly checks and mammograms that hurt are awkward is.

    Thank you!

  2. rich

    i don’t believe your boobs are big. you’re just going to have to either prove it or leave me skeptical. and you don’t want that, do you? didn’t think so.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      Hahahaha 😀

      1. rich

        i get that a lot.

  3. Quirky Chrissy

    I agree with you so very very much. The whole Susan G. Komen stuff is insane…Breast cancer runs heavily in my family genetics, and I’ve looked into the Komen Walks–you need to raise thousands of dollars to be allowed to even walk in solidarity. Then, most of the money goes to advertising for more Susan G. Komen stuff. F that.

    I’m an avid Relay for Life walker, as almost all of that money goes to the American Cancer Society for research, patient care, and patient support. There are no big advertising campaigns with Relay for Life–merely a LARGE group of volunteers in thousands of smaller communities, who advertise locally–with donated advertisements and volunteer staff. That’s where MY money goes.

    By the way, just an FYI about Heart Disease–Women’s Heart Health awareness month is in February.

  4. Happy Little Feet

    You are right. It is ridiculous. As always you have the balls to pull of what you are thinking on paper…or text!

  5. Peaches

    You’re other commenters covered my point. So, I will simply say- Very awesome post.

  6. empressnasigoreng

    THis is like those beauty pageants to raise awareness/funds for people with disabilities (who would probably never qualify to enter such a pageant). Very poor taste.

  7. jimcolv

    There’s nothing sexy about the heart so would we want to exploit that? Nah, let’s continue to support exploitation of tata’s because nothing says great times like a nice set of boobs….

    The topic of awareness has been on my mind for quite some time now. It gets ridiculous with all of this shit. The more I see these “non-profit” organizations out there, the more I feel like they are ripping people off by playing to their emotions. There are people that actually make a damn good living heading up “non-profit” organizations in the name of raising awareness for some many life causes but the only thing they seem to be raising are their bank accounts.

    People should be raising their eyebrows and raising their hands and asking exactly where their money is going. But nobody wants to be believe that these “non-profit” organizations can be doing harm or little to nothing about the causes that they claim to be raising awareness for. A lot of the money that people are pouring into these organizations are going towards promotion, merchandising and of course the board directors of these organizations “for their time, effort and energy in organizing charitable functions and other programs”. GMAFB….

  8. alienredqueen

    Awesome, awesome, awesome! It’s a great point too, not saving the “tatas,” but saving the life. And I doubt a woman who has had a mastectomy appreciates all the glorifying of boobs here. Interestingly enough, people are JUST beginning to bitch about this, but breastfeeding moms take flak about their boobs being seen in public and how some people (morons mostly) think it’s “perverse” to nurse older children, nad here boobs are being sexualized for cancer awareness.

  9. Lillian Carilo (@lcarilo)

    How about use of the word “sexy?” I don’t want to be sexy… I just want to be me.

  10. Words for Worms

    Amen! I live in the hometown of Susan G Komen, and they actually sued for the copyright to “Race for the Cure.” I’m not saying they don’t do good work, but I think they should have been spending their money on research rather than picking a fight with other good causes over name recognition. Really though, I kind of want a boob cupcake now. Just for giggles. Because cupcakes are good and boobs look funny. I know, I know. STFU. xoxo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: