STFU Fridays: “I’m Thankful For …” Facebook Posters

Ok, so after this week’s Shut the Fuck Up Fridays, I’m probably going to lose about 75% of my Facebook friends after they get a gander at this one. But hear me out before you all get your panties in a wad.

The Cliche “I’m Thankful For…” Facebook Posters

Are you one of those “I’m thankful for …” Facebook posters that never comes up with anything original beyond “friends,” “family,” “a roof over my head,” and other miscellaneous, hackneyed, and seemingly-cliche bullshit?

I have a friend who basically copies and pastes her “I’m thankful for…” Facebook posts each day from the year before. I imagine she has an Excel spreadsheet at home with what she posts for each day of the month leading up to Thanksgiving. And I have yet to see anything original. It’s always husband, house, health – that kind of crap. It’s OK to be thankful for those things, but for God’s sakes: the Internet is about finding things that are unique, not logging on and seeing all 346 of your friends posting “I am thankful for my family!”

In other words, put some thought into it!

So if you are one of these people; these cliche “I’m thankful for…” Facebook posters that cannot look beyond the basic things in life that you might have even an inkling of gratitude for – well, you can just shut the fuck up.

The Narcissistic “I’m Thankful For…” Facebook Posters

I mean generally speaking, the whole “I’m thankful for…” thing is a little self-centered to begin with. Facebook is bad enough with the self-centered posts about what we’re eating/doing/ watching/wearing/loving/experiencing; and every fucking person out there is always blathering on about how wonderful their lives are (as if they really can be that great). But then we have this “I’m thankful for…” thing in the month of November leading up to Thanksgiving, and we’re really hit with the hardcore narcissism.

Now I can’t say this is the case with all of the “I’m thankful for…” Facebook posters, but there are definitely a few out there that just use it as an opportunity to talk about themselves even more than they already do. “I’m thankful for … my great hair.” “I’m thankful for my husband’s hot ass.” “I’m thankful for the wonderful workers at Starbucks who always know just what my order is.” Blah blah blahbitty blah.

Do you know what I’m thankful for? People that are in Africa right now teaching children that would otherwise not be taught. Do you know what else I’m thankful for? Modern medicine for which many of us might not be here now if it weren’t for. I have a long list and none of it has to do with my hair or my husband or my coffee.

If you are one of these narcissistic “I’m thankful for…” Facebook posters; who doesn’t devote at least a few of your days to things outside of your wonderful sphere of life, well then you can just shut the fuck up too.

The “I Don’t Usually Do These Kinds of Things”

“I’m Thankful For…” Facebook Posters

These motherfuckers really get under my skin. They start every “I’m thankful for…” post with some bullshit about how they are jumping on the bandwagon even though they never usually do this chainletter-type Facebook game bullshit.

This one bitch that used to be on my Facebook (operative words: used to) would post every chain letter status update shit she could get her grubby hands on. She’d do the childhood molestation awareness month profile photo thing. She’d do the “I like it on the kitchen table” status update bullshit. She posted every meme and quote and stupid guilt tripping thing about it being brother’s week or mother’s week or sister’s week or “like if you love your daughter” day, and she posted every one of those stupid shit status updates about how 89% of people won’t repost it.

That bitch fucking always participated in that bullshit. But then every year she’d start every single one of her stupid fucking “I’m thankful for…” Facebook posts with “I don’t usually do these things, but I’ll jump on the thankful bandwagon anyway.”

If you are one of her, you need to for real shut the fuck up. Shut. The. Fuck. UP.

I’m hoping that I haven’t lost any of my Facebook friends over this post. I can only think of a few that I have actually told to shut the fuck up through the course of this STFU Friday. If you have to participate in this “I’m thankful for” Facebook post thing, that is in and of itself bad enough. I mean, why is it that people don’t express how thankful they are for the things they are thankful for at all times of the year? Why do they have to have a holiday to remind them to do so? Does this mean that the only time of year these people actually are grateful for the things they have in their piddly shit lives really is Thanksgiving-time? Well that’s the most pathetic thought on the state of human nature that I have had in a long time.

But I digress…

Regardless of all that, if you have to participate in them anyway, the least you could do is take heed to some simple guidelines. Don’t be cliche. Don’t be a narcissist. And for God’s sake, own up to the fact that you not only do do those kinds of things, but you fucking lap that shit up like I lap up every drop of wine when some splashes out of my glass. If you can’t avoid those three simple “I’m thankful for…” faux pas, well then you really just need to shut the fuck up.


  1. I’m thankful for a toilet that flushes. There. How’s that?
    You are so right about the ‘I never do this kind of thing’ people. I get emails from my neighbor, she always writes, “I never ask folks for money but I’m doing a fundraiser.” Really? I never fucking ask people for money either. But yeah, I do fundraisers all the time!! It’s different you doofus. Also, she runs her own vitamin business, like HerbalLife or something, so she is always asking people to buy stuff or host parties. I think that IS like asking for money.

  2. Right now, about the only thing I’m thankful for is that the fucking assholes who want to send women back to the 18th century, starting and ending with the rape-obsessed Republican congressional candidates, appear to be losing the fight. I am thankful I can vote, hold property, and say “no” to sex even if the person asking is my husband. I am thankful that I have a job that gives me the certainty that I could still feed my children even if my husband went batshit and left me for a 22-year-old with perky boobs. All of these things are of relatively recent vintage, since 150 years ago none of them were true. And I apologize for being all political on your apolitical, but funny, forthright and outspoken blog. I’ll be thankful if you don’t kick my ass for it.

  3. This is awesome! You’re very right, too. I actually have been doing “I’m thankful for….” posts this year, BUT I began in January as part of my New Year’s resolution to learn to be more appreciative of life and the wonders in it (it’s a personal thing). Long story short, the year was off to a very negative start for so many reasons, so I wanted to try to be positive instead. I also find things outside my family or “great hair” to be thankful for. 😉 And now, I’m thankful for your post today to cheer me up! 😀

  4. A couple years ago I stated that everyone knew what I was thankful for so I each day I would post something I wasn’t thankful for. ie I’m not thankful that the Knicks suck. I’m not thankful that the grocery store is out of ham and I have to eat cheese sandwiches this week. Etc.

    It was well received. Lol.

  5. I UUBER hate those “89% of my friends won’t post this. I think I know who will.” Well, if you know who will, just kindly delete the rest of us that aren’t falling for that passive aggressive bullshit and move on with your day! And I do have a friend who seems to do nothing but re-post “inspirational sayings.” Really? By now you should be able to write your own self-help book. So why are you still complaining about how shitty your life is??? Grrrr….

  6. Ha! I don’t normally do this but…I’m thankful for you and your blog that makes me giggle. I also pledge not to be thankful on Facebook for any reason this season. Who’s with me?

  7. You always hit the nail on the head. I used to say to myself all the time that it takes a truly ungrateful SOB to wait until November to express all of this “gratitude” for things in life. Now it’s one thing to be grateful for the small things, I get that. But, as you said, how about being grateful or thankful for shit other than your own miserable existence? How about being thankful that there are soldiers putting their lives on the line for their right to live a mundane, drama-filled life? How about being thankful that the sanitation worker picked up the trash so you wouldn’t have to haul that funky shit in your own vehicle? How about being thankful that the lights didn’t go out or that you have running water?

    It’s a given that people are going to be thankful for their loved ones, friends and family alike. But the world is much bigger than your own existence and ego. Be thankful that your dumb ass woke up this morning. Be thankful if you have a job, no matter how shitty it may be; there are people waaaay less fortunate and would kill to be in that position that you take for granted. Be thankful somebody didn’t slap the shit out of you for being a dick all your life. My point is people should be thankful every got damn moment they get to talk some shit. I know I am. But I’m especially thankful for people like you my blogger friend. People that tell it like it is, good, bad or indifferent. Keep talking that shit!!!!

  8. While Thanksgiving is not a tradition in any of the places I call home, I do like the philosophy behind the original thanksgiving. This comment pretty well sums up how it comes across today: “Why do they have to have a holiday to remind them to do so? Does this mean that the only time of year these people actually are grateful for the things they have in their piddly shit lives really is Thanksgiving-time? Well that’s the most pathetic thought on the state of human nature that I have had in a long time.”
    (I also feel this way about mothers and fathers day too – it’s every bloody day!)

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