My Thoughts on Blogger Awards and Facebook Shout Outs

Quite frankly, I think they’re fucking stupid.

Please don’t take this the wrong way if you do the blogger award thing, or if you do that daily list of tagging all the people you think are just fantastic on Facebook. I don’t think you are stupid. And I very much appreciate when people have thought of me in either event. I just think that the whole concept behind it all is a little dumb.

Allow me to elaborate.

So there are all these blogger awards. It’s pretty chic in the blogging world to get one, post about it, pass it on; but in the process refer to it as a chain letter. Basically say that I am too cool for it, but allow me to lower myself to this anyway. That is essentially what I think of them as too (chain letters); although, I will repeat that it is pretty fucking amazing when someone I probably have never even met takes the time to recognize me for whatever reason they have recognized me.

Again, that, in and of itself, is fucking rad.

What isn’t rad though is that they all have these stupid rules. You have to pass them on to X number of people. Then you pass them on to those people and half of them never even thank you, or acknowledge that you thought of them. You are supposed to share X number of things about yourself too. I have blue eyes. I used to dream obsessively about donkey schlongs. Yada yada yada. Chances are you people could give two shits about any of the facts I have shared in the past when I got those awards. Chances are you people could give two shits about any of the facts I would share now.

Then there is the fact that a lot of your readers may not even be bloggers. This means there are a lot of people that want good content, not bullshit posts about the cleverness of chain letters.

Onto Facebook shout outs. Again, these are great in the sense that it is awesome when someone thinks about you, and feels like they should share you and maybe even your content. It’s rarely your content, though. Usually it’s a list of people – always the same. Often it becomes an unreciprocated activity, as well. And sometimes you share someone on Facebook and the dillhole doesn’t even say “thanks.”

So I’m pretty on the anti-side of blogger awards and Facebook shouts outs. I will repeat one more time so you assfaces don’t get all facehurt by my saying this: every goddamned blogger award and Facebook shout out that has been done for me has brought a tear to my eye. That complete strangers could develop a relationship such as I have with some of my bloggie friends, and take the time to try and promote me (each other) is fucking awesome.

Now all of that aside, I realized recently that I need to do some spreading of the love, so to speak, for all the blogger awards, Facebook shout outs, Twitter #FFs, and otherwise mentions, with a little roasting. I have a much different way of showing my love, though. If you know me personally, you know that you know how many oodles I love you if I make fun of you a lot. Teasing is my hugging. Poking fun at are my smooches. My affection comes in the form of giving people crap – it’s really fun if you live with me. Well, at least for me. There are a few rules of my game, that I made up in my own mind. Just now.

1. If you are a blogger or not, read these with a grain of salt. Consider checking out these blogs because they really are fabulous writings by smacktabulous people.

2. If I left you out, don’t be hurt. Chances are I will be making fun of you too in the near future. Just you wait…

3. Please still love me when this is all done.

Words for Worms

I’ve already shown her this, but really she deserves to have it plastered all over the fucking Internets with her home address attached to it. Then we’ll all show up and egg her fucking house until she fixes this photo. If you are into books and book reviews and witty musings on all things bookworms, and otherwise, check out Words for Worms. Just ignore the fucking Ayn Rand cover she has on her homepage and Facebook cover. Puke, Katie.


Quirky Chrissy

So Words for Worms and Quirky Chrissy are real life friends. They really pulled the wool over our eyes, that’s for sure. I mean they were pretty sneaky when they mentioned all the time that they were talking to each other; or that Katie almost poisoned Chrissy with a chicken or some shit. Yeah, joke’s on me fuckers, but I finally put two and two together and realized that what Katie lacks in common sense on the issue of Ayn Rand, Chrissy makes up for in total klutziness and – as the title goes – quirky, yet fucking awesome, blog posts.

One thing that has recently harried my brain, though, (also more than my mom’s balls) was when Chrissy made some comment about Justin Bieber on my Facebook. I asked her if she was a Belieber (hoping she would understand that I punch my own self in the boob out of anger every time I hear about the underage Canadian), and she fucking responded by quoting a Bieber song. Thanks, bitch. Thanks a fucking lot.

Frugalista Blog

Oh, I do love her. Fruggie is a mom blogger and, so I assumed by the title, a frugal living blogger. But every time she posts a picture or a video blog, the first thing I think to myself is “shit, this bitch has got a nice house!” Fucking china on the walls and shit. And she’s constantly talking about drinking tea and eating crumpets, and toasting jubilees and other nonsense with champagne.

Now there have been a few posts about doing shit for cheap. Like that rad pizza post, which I promptly ignored because I’m from Chicago (which means I’m way too good – in my own mind – to take pizza-making advice from anyone). But champagne? Tea and crumpets? Fuck that. Frugal champagne comes in a can. And the only fucking tea and crumpets cheap deal-getters eat are the ones made from dust off the floor and dirty sink water. Bring me some fucking deals like that, bitch!

Meat Me

Sean – a professional photographer – writes Meat Me. I really enjoy his blog, simply because he does a wonderful job of putting together video blogging, amazing photographs, and awesome stories behind his favorite thing: meat.

But seriously, man – one more fucking grease-filled photo of beef and pork covered in lard and saturated fats, and my goddamned arteries are going to completely clog in sympathy of yours.


Alien Red Queen

I really love Alien Red Queen. She’s a talented writer; she has pretty thought-provoking ideas on her blog; and every other thing out of her mouth to me is “fuck that.”

I tried to send her some pumpkin bread about a month ago, though, and the post office called it a threat to the security of our nation. After some hefty thinking about this, I wondered if it had anything to do with her blog. Why you ask? Take a look at her home page.


Well that’s a start on sharing my own version of love. Please don’t hate me, especially if I roast you too in the coming days. Stop the blogger awards already, people. And the Facebook tagging bullshit. #FF is really nice, but as First Time Mom and Dad and Ashley at Sorry Kid, Your Mom Doesn’t Play Well With Others mentioned just today, a lot of a-holes Tweet it without actually following you. Just what in the fuck is the point of that?

Really, what in the fuck is the point of any of it? That’s what we should be asking ourselves. For me, it’s about having fun. And clearly, making fun of people. Love you?

UPDATE 9:33 PM: First Time Mom and Dad did the post on Tweetholes … a similar issue. Check it here


  1. Shout Outs Everyone Can Enjoy | Smooth ReEntry

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  3. Ashley@sorry kid

    Twitter seems to be just like the rest for some people. Just a numbers game. An adult popularity contest. Some people meaningfully write a shout out. April is one of them. That was truly an honor. Jen from the sonny side did a thing like that too of 26 blogs you should be reading it was a recap and what she loves about their blogs. I have a load of awards and I haven’t done anything with them. I feel bad passing them out, if it was an award that you hand to one person only for a specific post etc it would seem a little more meaningful, not that I don’t appreciate the awards some of mine came from people who have never commented. Clearly if they didn’t think I deserved a comment then I more than likely didn’t deserve an award.
    Thanks for putting my name up there. That’s like piss your pants excited when one of your faves mentions you!

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      I feel like a lot of the Internet is an adult popularity game. And here I thought we were over this after high school.

  4. Peaches

    So true. I think sharing bloggy attention is nice. Afterall, if somebody likes your blog, and you like another, they might really enjoy it too, but we could do that all without the awards and what not.

    Now…F*ck you with kisses dearie.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      FUCK YOU WITH KISSES! I love it 🙂

  5. Quirky Chrissy

    For the record, I was quoting a song from The Darkness… (You can listen to it here: I promise it’s not a Biebs song! Sometimes, I hear a song in my head and then just start singing it… That being said, I have occasionally been known to sing along to some teeny bopper music…so I hope your boobs are okay. Don’t punch them too hard.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      Oh thank GOD.

  6. Connie

    As always, awesome job! I pretty much always finish your blog laughing so hard I’m peeing my pants. 😀

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      Awww, I take that as a compliment. In a weird, incontinent way…

  7. Frugalistablog

    Where. Do. I. Begin?
    Okay, first of all, the first time I ever even heard of you was because you awarded me one of those Fucking Blogger Awards!! But yeah, I loved it. I was over the moon that someone noticed me. So it gave me that boost, and it introduced us. Now isn’t that yippy skippy?
    Now let’s talk about my frugalness. Yeah, I know. I kind of hate my blog name. But I AM FRUGAL! My champagne is from Trader Joes and my china plates are from TJ MAXX! So put that in your pipe and smoke it! You think my house is pretty? Aww. Ah, Bitch, I love ya!

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      Oh, I do love you… 😀

      Would you think I’m crazy if I told you I’ve never been to TJ Maxx?

      1. Frugalistablog

        What?? Home Goods is awesome, you should pop in there too. That is my frugal piece of heaven.
        I was thrilled to be included, even if I was kinda puckering in anticipation.

      2. Heather Christena Schmidt

        I think Nick got my most recent anniversary gift from Home Goods. There’s one about 15 miles away … I will have to check it out. But then maybe I would spend too much money there?

      3. Frugalistablog

        It’s a frugal catch 22. Stuff is cheap, but you shell out over 100 bucks every time. It’s like Target. You find shit you didn’t think you needed but decide you do.

  8. The Plucky Procrastinator

    I think one of the things that kinda sucks about the Facebook shares are that when you tag another page, it never notifies that page. There are pages out there that may give me a shout-out, and I have no idea that it even happened. And now that Facebook isn’t showing the majority of our posts to the majority of our followers, we don’t even see it in our news feeds. And then the new followers don’t let you know what page sent them, so you have no idea who to thank.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      I totally agree with you. I never know if the person ignored me or if they really never found out…

  9. Abby Rae

    I want ribs.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt


  10. idiotprufs

    Blogger awards would have a little more merit if you weren’t required to pass them on to multiple blogs. I was nominated for six awards over a three day period; it just stressed me out. Now I just thank the nominator then ignore them. I hope that I don’t offend to many people.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      “It just stressed me out” … EXACTLY!

  11. It’s Ames

    I’m super new to blogging, but have already noticed the chain letter type awards. Looks pretty fucking lame, your blog on the other hand made me laugh out loud. I’m officially a fan of your writing!

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      OH, thank you 🙂 It does seem kind of lame after a while and from what I understand a lot of people feel conflicted between the lameness of it; and the fact that some may have genuinely thought kindly of them/you. Whatever I don’t really give a fuck – I say down with them hahah

  12. alienredqueen

    PS. while i feel bad about it sometimes, I don’t pass on awards either because to me it IS a chain letter, like you said. When they force you with “rules” to pass it on to so many ppl, it cheapens it, ya know? Except, I really like the way Adam did his, as a trophy case. I actually get hits from that page. XD

    1. Adam S

      You’re god damn right you get traffic! I think it’s a good excuse to talk about somebody other than yourself, you know? There’s a lot of people that are writing good stuff that nobody knows about. Call it what you will. Fuck all the questions though. That part’s cheese. People like getting stroked, and I think a lot of people deserve it.

      1. alienredqueen

        I was thinking that very same thing yesterday (about how many good, unrecognized writers there are.)

        PS. Feel free to stroke me again. (Boy, that sounded downright lascivious!) 😉

      2. Heather Christena Schmidt

        It really does, doesn’t it.

      3. Adam S


      4. Heather Christena Schmidt


  13. alienredqueen

    I was relieved actually. I expected to be in tears by now. And… I mean, I do say “fuck” a lot… Aaaaand… I do tell Heather “fuck that” a lot. But only because I care. It’s like a hug. 😉

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      It is totally like a hug.

      1. alienredqueen

        A hug that respects your personal bubble… 😉

  14. Forever 51

    I nearby award you the Pee in My Pants award. Working on a badge but I’m having a hard time peeing AND taking a picture with my cell phone in the crapper.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      Oh SHIT, that made ME pee my pants. (That was the point of giving me the award, right?)

  15. rich

    fortunately, i don’t know what a FB shout-out is. let’s keep it that way. as for the blogger awards, i was thrilled the first time i got one. then i realized they were just devices for people to try to drive up their own blog traffic. now, when i get an award, i simply tell the person that i can’t participate because i can’t pick seven or whateverthefuck number of people because i have this weird phobia with which i think the other people i don’t pick will be uber-pissed off at me.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      I have that same exact phobia, no shit. I’m inclined to force you to learn what a Facebook shout out is…

      1. rich

        oh you bitch. noooooo! (fingers in ears) i can’t hear you! lalalalalalala!

      2. Heather Christena Schmidt

        Hahahahaha!! 🙂

      3. rich

        i mean (hands over eyes) i can’t read you! lahosdiurenv08sdnn!!!

  16. April

    As usual… you say it dirty and true… I’m so jealous, I wish I could pull the full fuck out in my writing like you do. I used to hate you for being so badass… becuse I was a jealous twat. Now, I just STFU read it, and say YEAH motherfuckers…Blogholes, faceholes and tweetholes of the world, eat it bitches, we are not impressed.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      You said TWAT!! HAHAHA!! I loved your post btw 🙂

  17. Enchanted Seashells

    It’s like you plucked the thoughts out of my head that I was too afraid to say. i want so bad to be successful at this blogging stuff and I think if I don’t play the game then no one will love me and I’ll be unfriended and unfollowed and you are so popular with all the cool kids, I just want to be loved, dammit! I can’t figure any of this out. I will drink now.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      Success is only measured by what you make of it. So who gives a fuck about awards or numbers? I totally understand how you feel. The key to it for me is (1) be honest and (2) don’t give a shit. I’ll go drink now too 🙂

      1. Enchanted Seashells

        I think my Ellipta-tree said it all today. I’ve thrown caution to the winds, I’m blogging to the beat of my own drummer.

  18. Words for Worms

    You should come over for dinner! My secret ingredient is salmonella. I’ll read passages from The Fountainhead aloud while you puke! (Yes. I still like you. Misanthrope.)

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      Yurm, sounds delicious… ;D

  19. Adam S

    I talk to ARQ a lot. To me, that was fucking funny!! (No offense Queenie)

    P.S. I nominated you for the inspiring blogger award.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      You called her Queenie!!! I love it!

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