3 People You Should Hide Your Early Pregnancy From

Credit: http://www.cheezburger.com
Credit: http://www.cheezburger.com

So I think I’m about to lose a lot of you as faithful blog followers. I say that because I’ve been thinking about the concept of the pregnancy announcement, and I think my feelings about it will hit way more home than some of you want.

Get over it. This is my blog. My opinions.

It seems like it’s pretty taboo to announce you are pregnant before the second trimester. This year has seen an unprecedented number of pregnancy announcements – from friends, family … people I didn’t even remember existed until suddenly their naked belly photos were splattered all over my Facebook Newsfeed. The underlying commonality of each, though, was that they waited until the second trimester to announce. Complications could come up. Miscarriage is most likely in the first trimester. Blaa blaa blaa. You know the drill – it’s taboo, because what if you lose the baby?!

Yes. What if you lose the baby? God forbid you have a networked support system to be there for you.

In my mind, there are three people in particular that you should hide your pregnancy from:

#1 Your Hot, Latin Pool Boy

Yes, I said it.

We have a joke in our family about my uncle: that he’s really the Mexican gardner’s son. My grandma used to be teased to no end about the fact that he looked completely different than the rest of the family. She’d respond with “OK, but you know the milk man was a possibility too.” You go girl.

We all know that the baby’s father may very well be your Latin pool boy anyway – the paternity test on Maury two years from now will be the decider of that. In the meantime, you can limit the drama and keep the fun going for a little bit longer. At least until you start to show.

#2 That Gossipy Family Member

Everyone has a family member that is overly gossipy. I am fairly certain that I am bordering on being her in my family; but besides that, you should definitely hide your pregnancy from her.

Don’t hide your pregnancy from me, though.

Gossipy ladies are so horrid. Really they should be called: shit-talkers. Back-stabbing shit-talkers whose entire personality revolves around the ability to fling crap like monkeys. They don’t just tell stories they should be keeping to themselves; or share secrets that  were told in confidence. They make shit up. They speculate. They exaggerate. Someone gets fired from their job as a part of a huge set of layoffs, and the gossipy lady turns it into a dramatic scenario where “you know, I heard he was bringing vodka to work in his water bottle.”

Losing a baby is hard, but to have the gossipy lady talking all kinds of shit behind your back is just unnecessary. For this reason we will never be able to tell a single member of my husband’s family about any future pregnancies, until the baby is on its way out. Those people gossip like there’s no tomorrow, and you know what they say – someone who will talk shit to you, will talk shit about you.

#3 Your Starbucks barista and/or bartender

I’m just kidding about the bartender thing. I mean I know the pendulum swings on whether or not it is safe to drink any alcohol while pregnant, and right now a lot more people are having the occasional glass of wine after the approval of their doctor; but I’m still kidding.

Okay I’m not.

Nothing brings out the judgy-mcjudgers more like early pregnancy. “I made this decaf for you since you shouldn’t be drinking caffeine” they say. “You’re pregnant? Oh, I’ll hold off on bringing edamame to your table” they defy. “Can I show you photographs of babies with fetal alcohol syndrome while you drink your half a glass of wine that your doctor said you should go ahead and drink, because I disagree with him and my associates degree in mixology is so much more valid than his many years in medical school?”

The only person who has a right to give food and beverage advice to a new, budding pregnant lady is her doctor. And Web MD. And maybe What To Expect When Expecting, but I’m going to err on the side of just her doctor. Keeping it mum when you are trying to weave your way through your daily pattern of eating and drinking is perfectly fine for your own ease.

Now did you all notice something? I didn’t say that you should be keeping your pregnancy hidden from your closest family and friends, now did I? I know this is a touchy subject for a lot of people. Perhaps they miscarried or had to terminate the pregnancy due to complications. Maybe that was the hardest thing – and how could I ever understand what they went through. I’m such a fucking insensitive asshole that doesn’t know shit.

Or am I?

Little known fact: about two and a half years ago, in spite of the chastity belt lined with razors I keep close to my lady parts every night, Poor Nick successfully shot one in the hole, so to speak. I know, I know – who knew? It was a horrible time for us to have a baby, though; I had just left graduate school and was having a hard time even getting out of bed after doing so. We already had Pookies running around too, so he acted like a jerk about it from the minute I said “oh shit…” All the drama and stress and secrecy and “how are we going to do this” about it was for naught, though, because “God’s plan” took care of everything, and before the sixth week I was again not pregnant. To be clear: of no fault of my own. (Duh, I’m Catholic.)

Flash forward to now, and I am living through the deaths of two people very close to me. A suicide and the natural one of my grandfather. Had I had the love and support of the family and friends around me then as I do now, maybe it wouldn’t have taken so long to feel normal again. People say it’s different, but it isn’t. There’s always someone there waiting to say something stupid – in both situations. There will constantly be people pitying you, or avoiding you because they don’t know what to say. But in the middle of all of that are a group of people that are there for you, and support you. Unconditionally.

I see no reason to keep your pregnancy a secret from any of those people – for any amount of time. Because having to tell them about it is a path to being less alone if something goes wrong. Culturally, I think we need to get beyond this taboo – we need to learn to do things together again, rather than always isolating ourselves from each other at the worst times.

And of course to once again embrace the love of our hot and sexy, Latin pool boys. Because pool boys need love too.

That’s just my opinion, though. What’s yours?


  1. UndercoverL

    If God really does hate me and I wind up drunk enough to get pregnant again (#5 biologically), I am not telling anyone. Including me. We will all hate me for it.

    1. UndercoverL

      Wait. No. Number six because I did lose one pregnancy…

  2. Sarah Jayne Nantais

    I agree that there’s that “taboo” about not telling anyone before the second trimester. With both my pregnancies I told my boss as soon as I knew, because if anything happened I wanted some understanding as to why I was a basket-case and that I’m not just a bitch. Not all the time. I’ve been very grateful that nothing has happened, but I’m also glad I told people very close to me and family so that if I needed it, the support system was there.

    I wish I had a Latin Pool Boy! Oh wait, do you need a pool for that? Can I have a Latin Tub Cleaner?!? 🙂

  3. Dawn Clancy

    I agree with you on keeping things taboo and letting that go. I am also so glad that you brought up the family gossiper – this line is classic – Those people gossip like there’s no tomorrow, and you know what they say – someone who will talk shit to you, will talk shit about you. So right on!

  4. bensbitterblog

    We learned not to tell anyone because we lost one right at that three month period. I respect if people want to tell. That is cool.

  5. The Sadder But Wiser Girl

    There were people I told immediately, and then people I waited to tell until we were three months along. I am not a person to invite a whole lot of attention to myself. I only waited for that first doctor’s appointment before telling others. Of course, my children came along just before the whole social media thing got big. I mean, my MOM convinced me to join Facebook when my daughter was a year old. I think it’s just up to the person!

  6. hecallsmescroogy

    I told people pretty much two minutes and three seconds after I peed on the stick. I just can’t keep secrets! I am not really superstitious, so I don’t really get the “wait until week 12” thing, anyway. OMG, I could never have kept my mouth shut about it for three whole months!!!

  7. jbudak

    I told everybody and their mom at about 10 weeks. I found out right after Thanksgiving and wanted to make a big deal of announcing it at Christmas. Well, my youngest (unmarried party girl) sister found out she was pregnant the day after I did. Kinda stole my thunder. At least everyone was actually happy about my pregnancy though. And it is kinda cool that my son and his cousin are only 3 days apart.

  8. The Perfectly Malfunctioned Housewife

    I believe it’s the couples decision. When my husband and I got pregnant we announced it all over social media but made sure to unfriend our family lol. Seriously, we didn’t want most of our family knowing we were having an offspring. But, our friends and complete strangers where fine.

  9. Tonya Lynn Mitchell

    LOVE this post! I agree 100%. There are people to tell and people to not tell. It’s not hard to figure out who those people are.

    Although, I don’t give a fuck what anyone says about me. It doesn’t phase me at all. Actually, somehow, my boyfriend’s (new baby-daddy) ex-girlfriend learned that I was pregnant. She called my boyfriend’s phone and left a voice mail for him to call her back. So I did. She said ALL SORTS OF SHIT about me and my unborn child. I thought about what she said a lot for a few days following and realized how fucking stupid she was, then I slapped myself in the face and told myself to quit giving even 1 shit about what she said. I knew it wasn’t true. ANYWAY, enough about me.

    I still think you should have 100 babies. Who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks or wants?

    Ps. I do agree with you in this post, btw. Keeping it away from others that could blow the situation way out of proportion is probably the way to go, just to avoid drama and stupid bitches. 🙂

  10. alienredqueen

    I like your post. I think in the end it comes down to personal decisions when and who to tell. We weren’t going to tell ppl right away but we told Keith’s grandfather because he was dying, and swore his grandma to secrecy…which of course didn’t happen. We ended up losing that baby fairly early on, but in the end it seemed okay because telling Poppy made him happy before he died, and we DID end up pregnant again relatively soon thereafter.
    Also, I’m sure my last post will lose me some friends and followers too, but I am soooo tired of trying to fight ignorance with logic that I just had to make a post about it. Hahah!

  11. Enchanted Seashells, Confessions of a Tugboat Captain’s Wife

    Congratulations?? to you??? Are you trying to tell us something???

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      NO! I am not pregnant. I am very unpregnant. Very very unpregnant. But thanks? 🙂

      1. Enchanted Seashells, Confessions of a Tugboat Captain’s Wife

        Are you sure? LOL. Children are overrated. Take it from me. They always end up growing up and leaving to do stupid things like go to college and get married and have their own lives. 😦

      2. Heather Christena Schmidt

        Fuck that have their own lives bullshit! Yes, I am absolutely positive there are no buns in the oven. For now hahaha

  12. Quirky Chrissy

    I would DEFINITELY tell my hot latin pool boy.

    But I might not tell the internet. The minute you have a kid, you get the mommy blogger label…and while free shit is nice, I think I’d rather be recognized for my own sass…and not the cute things my baby does (maybe it’s because I’m selfish. and maybe that’s why I don’t have babies yet. Or maybe that’s because I’m not married. One of those.)

    God I’m feeling all SORTS of sass this morning. (I may or may not have deleted a portion of this comment in order to not out-bitch the B(itch).

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      There is nothing wrong with outbitching the B(itch).

      And even as a mom blogger, you know that I keep many secrets about the mommy-dom that goes on around here. It’s just that there is a particular identity I want for my blog, and all-ass-wiper ain’t it.

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