Oh, I’m sorry. Did my opinion offend you?

983697_579422125435615_1137414111_nTough shit.

Last week I posted this photo that I found on EpicFail.com of a cat that’s owner had covered it in make up. A few people noted feeling a little disturbed by it. Someone else told me that she hoped a herd of cats mauled me while I bitch.

Note that I said “…of a cat that‘s owner…” as opposed to “…of a cat whose owner…” You know why? Because cats are not people. They are animals. Filthy, disgusting, rancid, disease-filled animals.

That’s just my opinion.

Now as for putting makeup on the cat, it didn’t look like it was all that disturbed to be dolled up like that. In fact, it sort of appeared to enjoy the attention. It wasn’t – like – chained down or anything. It was of a healthy weight and its hair had a nice glow (indicating it is well taken care of). If it had appeared to be abused, that would be a different story. While I do like to distinguish the difference between animals and people, I also can respect an animal as a living, breathing thing. But really … the cat looked a-OK with the makeup. So I saw no problem with it.

I’ve pasted it in above, do you? I mean really. Let’s keep things in perspective here.

And yet it turned into a direct attack on me, and lost me a whopping 20 blog Facebook followers, because I included the note that I actually hate cats.

As for owning cats, while I wish all of them were nuked off the face of the earth; and I do see a moral dilemma with domesticating any animal meant to be in the wild – in the end I say: to each his own. I respect other people’s rights to their feline friends if they so desire. But that isn’t going to make me love cats. As horrifying as the thought of me hating a kitty-witty is, I actually do and feel I have good reason. My mom was bit in the neck and sent to the hospital once by her cat of five years; and I am so seriously allergic that on more than one occasion my throat has started to close from a cat rubbing against me.

But what do I get for it? What? Courtesy? Understanding? Fuck no. I can respect all of you for loving your cats; but then I  in return have a herd of psychotic, mauling cats wished upon me for having a different opinion than all (some) of yours. Gee, this seems fair, doesn’t it?

I think this is a bigger problem.


I think that there is very little respect anymore in our culture. Maybe around the world it’s different, but in American culture – and especially in the community in which I live – it seems to be waning.

A great example: RSVPs. This last year I have thrown so many fucking parties that I didn’t want to throw: birthdays, dinners, funerals… you name it, I threw it. The only thing I asked everyone for was an RSVP. Let me fucking know if you are going to come. You know that I am going to cook up a gala of a meal. You know how hard I fucking work to make my house look nice when people come over. You fucking know that it is a thorn up my asshole every time someone doesn’t even acknowledge that I invited them. You know goddamned fucking well that after throwing all these parties for everyone and everything else, I didn’t even get a fucking piece of cake on my birthday.

And yet there is so little respect for other people and their time and effort and planning to pick up the goddamned phone and say “sorry, I just can’t make it” around where I live. Or maybe it’s just no respect for me. In truth, I’m starting to think that’s the case.

Fuck that.

I’m throwing one more party this year and then I’m done – forever: a baby shower. It’s in the Midwest, though, and etiquette is a little different out there. People that plan on not coming actually let you know. Some of them even call and apologize, rather than just sending an email or RSVPing “no” on an event site. I hardly know what to do with myself after years of assholes being so rude.

There is very little respect for other people, other people’s feelings, and others’ opinions anymore.

Opinions Are Like Assholes:

Everyone’s Got One And Some Of Them Stink.

I don’t know why everyone always gets so up in arms when I say the following:

Opinions are like assholes: everyone’s got one and some of them stink.

What is so offensive about that? It’s a case-in-point fact.

One of my favorite undergraduate professors once told me that: sure, everyone has an opinion, but that doesn’t mean all of them are right. This is a big issue in philosophy, and it’s called relativism. Anybody who’s anybody in academia knows that relativism is a big, fat, crock of shit. Allowing relativism is how you get people like Hitler mass-murdering Jews; and psychopaths like that Batman Returns killer, just last year in Colorado. It was just their opinion that those people deserved to die! Baseball players believe it’s OK to use performance enhancing drugs because they believe the rules are stupid. They all had a right to their opinion, right?

Sure, everyone has a right to their opinions, but it doesn’t mean that their opinions are (a) actually the correct or accurate or morally OK option, or (b) that they have an inherent right to act on them.

And on the note of opinions, I think people take opinions too personally. I have never seen people so offended than when I say that I hate California. I do! So sue me! A lot of people do. Just because I’m honest and don’t bottle up my feelings doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. Instead, though, a lot of the people I know who take personal offense to my feelings about the Golden State spend all their fucking time trying to invalidate my feelings and tell me why I’m wrong for having them. Which brings me to one last issue…

Cultural Narcissism

I think one of the biggest problems with our contemporary, American culture is that we have somehow come to the belief that everyone is experiencing things exactly as we are. So often I experience with people in my own life and my own community others forgetting that everyone in this world is living a different life, with a different situation, a different financial standing, a different upbringing, in a different time period, with different parents, under different circumstances, and along the lines of different health issues beyond their control.

Clutter in the house makes me feel physically sick. It stresses me out. It creates more dust, which I am terribly allergic to as well. My husband doesn’t get that and just keeps adding more and more clutter, because he fails to recognize that I am different than him. Along the same vein, I am deathly allergic to cats. And no matter how many times I say that, people very close to me absolutely refuse to understand why I would not like them. They have a hard time believing that I could dislike something that they love – they love it so everyone must love it, right?

Wrong. We all are entitled to our own opinions, just like we all have our own lives to live. Oh, I’m sorry. Did my opinion offend you? Well isn’t that too bad. Unless you are living in my shoes, in my life, with my problems, with my money, with my family, during my time, and encountering everything that I encounter, you kindly can keep your own comments to yourself.

I say put makeup on all fucking cats. And if that makes me deserve a group of psychotic, mauling cats, so be it. At least I went down being honest, rather than acting like a little bitch who’s too afraid to speak the truth for fear of the wrath of others. But then again, the wrath of others really is the problem, isn’t it?


  1. This Whole Cat Thing Is Getting a Bit Tiring… | B(itch) Log

    […] the makeup. It definitely looked healthy and unabused. I ended up having to follow that up with a blog post, though, after someone wished me to be “mauled by a herd of cats” for posting the […]

  2. CaylaNicole

    Hahaah i mean it is your opinion and if other people dont agree than thats them, be you and if some people don’t agree with you then oh well, your not trying to please you. If they dont like it than don’t read it.
    Your doing great with your blogs!

  3. cheryl s

    I love both cats and dogs and all animals for that matter. I don’t trust anyone that dislikes animals or can have no feeling for them. If you cannot feel sorry for strays on the streets there is something very insensitive about you. I’ve seen people throw things at strays and they get a tongue lashing from me. Look inside yourself if you are one of those people. You need help

  4. UndercoverL

    I love you, Heather… **especially** for hating cats! Thank you for your opinion. I absolutley agree!!!!

  5. caseykaye

    Just a few things:
    1) The disturbing part about the cat photo for me is that the cat looks USED to it. We all do stupid things and putting make up on a cat is actually kinda funny… if it was done like once… but this thing has fake eyelashes and shit… and once again.. LOOKS USED TO IT. That is the creepy part.
    2) If people are really willing to “unfriend” you over something like this you probably don’t want them around your blog anyway, lol!
    3) If they are going to be so petty as to not try and understand where you are coming from, fuck ’em. I can guarntee you, if you disagreed with their opinion, they would probably be like chicken little.. “the sky is falling!”

    P.S. I love cats, but I still like your blog and think you’re awesome.

  6. simplybcuzimme

    I love that you are so bold with your opinions and are not afraid of what people might say in return. People like you stimulate interesting conversations. Love your blog.

  7. Johnny Ojanpera

    I am fine without dealing with a cat, although “we” have one. I thought this blog showed a more sensitive and more human side of you -compared to the majority. Just an opinion. I didn’t count, but you only said “fuck” a few times, counting the comments. Are you okay?

  8. yanniesaurus

    I think that photo is disturbing and kinda cruel, but I couldn’t be fucked jumping down your throat for posting it. I personally can not stand dogs because they are feral and gross and fucking horrible. If someone did that too a dog, I’d laugh my ass off.

    Fuck the haters. Haters gonna hate and Gators gonna gait.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      I love, though, that we can agree to disagree, respect each other’s opinions, see where each other is coming from, and GET THE FUCK ON WITH IT! LOVE! Thanks for your comment. 🙂

  9. LillianC

    I agree. I am a cat person, but I have no problem with you not sharing my interest. I’m glad to see somebody else complaining about the lack of RSVPs. Don’t even get me started about thank-you notes. I believe that everyone is entitled to their informed opinion. Just like the DMV says, ignorance of the law is no excuse.

  10. Kerry Birch

    Natalie is probably the cat in the photograph. She had too much to drink, her friends whored her up and took pictures of her on her own phone and posted them on FB. She should just be glad they didn’t sharpie a penis on the side of her face.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      LOVE IT.

  11. Natalie

    Nope. Cats are not filthy, disgusting, rancid diseased filled animals – but that’s just my opinion. Your pic however, shows a fat faced bitch. But then that seems to the kind of persona you want to portray on your ‘blog’. I have read better. Much better .. I will now go and read something ‘interesting’ from people who are.
    Offended? Tough shit.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      Dear Natalie –

      Have you encountered every single cat on the planet for the entire history of domesticated and non-domesticated cats? You clearly did not get the point. Perhaps this blog is above your intelligence level, you should perhaps consider doing as you say and moving along.

  12. Another Clean Slate

    I can’t believe people were so crazy about your post. If a cat owner died, the cat would eat it. Fact.

  13. Frugalistablog

    You know I love my kitty cats. I do. I will not try to convince you otherwise. I think those pictures are hilarious!! My mom had all these samples of Shaklee lipstick some friend gave her when I was a kid. I used to put the lipstick on my cats ALL THE TIME!! I’d put doll clothes on them too when they didn’t scratch the hell out of me. And yes opinions, assholes, narcissism, wow, you just got a whole bunch of stuff in there- all true!!

  14. ericafuni

    HAHA Everything about this post is awesome. Anyone who was offended needs to chill. (For the record, I am a cat lover. I also understand that it is possible not to be a cat lover. That is all.)

  15. donofalltrades

    How stoned does one have to be to decide to whore up a cat like that?

    1. Kitt Crescendo

      Haha! I was wondering exactly what kinds of plans were being made for that cat.

  16. digitalhegemon

    That is so offensive. Poor cat. J/K lmao It’s horribly funny. Those people need to get bent.

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