Please Stop Telling 30-Somethings What To Do (An Open Letter to Kallie Provencher at RantChic)


Today I read an article posted by a friend on Facebook. The article (and I use the term loosely, it was really more of a slideshow with a couple of fragmented mandates beneath each photo) was actually from late last year. I knew I had seen it before.

It was titled 24 Things Women Should Stop Wearing After Age 30. It reminded me of another article I had seen posted on Facebook recently: 10 TV Shows Women Over 30 Need To Stop Watching.

Both made me equally nauseated, only worsened when I started looking into these  glad-handed slide shows to see they were both thrown together by the same person.

Kallie Provencher at RantChic.

24 Things Women Should Stop Wearing After Age 30 was the one that really got to me. In it, she says we should all stop wearing graphic t-shirts, and trade old sneakers for upscale tennis clogs. In fact, she even goes on to say that if we can’t afford nicer things, we should all be evaluating our lives as 30 year olds.

Tell us more about this magical world where money grows on trees and everyone stops having a personality of their own, Kallie.

It doesn’t stop there. This leading authority on what women over 30 should be doing and, in most cases, not doing, has also recently written:

20 Pictures Women Over 30 Need To Stop Posting

15 Status Updates Women Over 30 Need To Stop Posting On Social Media

10 Games Women Over 30 Need To Stop Playing

There may be more, but I couldn’t stand to go past there.

Because I decided to write her a letter.

welcome-to-your-30s-you-have-a-lot-of-settling-to-do--f7674

Dear Kallie Provencher at RantChic,

You’ve garnered quite a bit of viral-ability lately. In recent months, perhaps because my peers and I are for the most part in our 30s, I’ve seen your posts on RantChic shared again and again. And again. Except when it’s shared, it’s typically with a comment like “this article makes me so mad!”

It’s a shame that your popularity is growing because people despise what you say so much.

I’m writing today to open a dialogue with you. That dialogue is about how you seem to think you are the authority on how people over 30 should behave.

I don’t know much about you. I don’t even know if you’re over 30 (wouldn’t that be ironic). And while I could make several assumptions based on the articles you’ve written, I’ll stick to just one: you seem to hate women in their 30s.

Let me see if I can break down that assumption for you vis-à-vis the Kallie Provencher School of Blog Writing…

3 Signs That Kallie Provencher At RantChic Hates Women In Their 30s

Living life to its fullest, relishing in the things you enjoy, and sharing with those you love are things Kallie Provencher at RantChic hates. Therefore, women in their 30s should stop doing all of that and just die already.

#3 Kallie Provencher Wants You To Be More Mature

So much so that every article Kallie writes about things women in their 30s should stop doing already start with a few sentences about maturity. Bask in her sage wisdom. Women should be eating at more mature places, shopping at more mature stores, and acting more mature in their relationships.

Move over Forever 21, graphic t-shirts, and old tennis shoes, Kallie Provencher insists we all shop at Dress Barn and Lane Bryant, and wear nothing but nice, floral, below-the-knee pinafores until the day we die.

#2 Kallie Provencher Wants You To Stop Enjoying Life

Stop watching television shows you enjoy, like Dancing With the Stars and Days Of Our Lives. Days Of Our Lives may be a soap opera, and soap operas are usually reserved for older women; but it’s immature to take pleasure in gossipy kind of stuff like that.

And we all know how Kallie Provencher feels about immaturity.

If you must go on living after you turn 30, for the love of God – don’t enjoy it and share it with others. DO NOT share vacation photos, and NEVER talk about how proud you are of your clean house or your pregnant belly.

Kallie Provencher doesn’t care. About any of it.

#1 Kallie Provencher Wants You To Come To Terms With The Fact That 30 Is The End

A lot of people have a more positive outlook on life. Like people that enjoy their lives well into their 80s and 90s; people that hold onto their youth as long as possible; and pretty much the general population regardless of their age or gender.

Except, of course, for Kallie Provencher.

Kallie understands that you used to play games, but you’d better cut that shit out now. You’re getting older. Holding out for the right man, or setting your standards high and playing a little hard to get is something 20 year olds do. Better to settle and start being easy in hopes it will land you a man before you become a crazy cat lady. It’s time to act desperate here, ladies.

At this stage in the game, Kallie doesn’t want to hear about your new milestones. She doesn’t want to see photographs of your new tattoos. She has no interest in your glitter make up tutorials. She does not want to know the size of your unborn fetus. And the only vacation she actually wants to hear about is your final one, to the funeral home. Which will surely be soon, because life is over. You’re 30 now.

If you’ve done any of this stuff – shared a photo of a delicious meal you are proud to have made, talked about heading out for a much-needed pedicure, or God-forbid, have worn overalls, it’s time to reevaluate your entire life. The only thing you should be focusing on is doing nothing, sharing nothing, and destroying all evidence of your existence prior to this point.

Especially those comfy pajamas you bought at the Victoria’s Secret Pink store on your 29th birthday.

crazy-cat-lady_o_359258

Sounds terrible when you throw all of it into one place like that, doesn’t it?

I suppose we all shouldn’t be too surprised by the content of your articles and slideshows. Each one is titled negatively. What women in their 30s should stop doing, stop wearing, stop posting. Stop, stop, stop. That seems to be all you want to do, Kallie Provencher: to tell people to stop living.

Well I have a request of something I would like you to stop doing. If you are in your 30s, it’ll fit well – since you seem to believe that at 30 life ceases and some un-effusive robot with no personality or joy for anything takes your place.

Please stop telling 30-somethings what to do. Please stop judging 30-somethings for the way they are.

That’s what kids do.

Your ageist judgments, and grandiose assumptions of what life is supposed to be like as you grow older mean absolutely nothing to anyone but you. If you don’t want to wear glitter make up, short skirts, or old Converse; and you have no interest in catching The Bachelor every night it’s on – then don’t. That’s your choice, just as it’s your choice to post on your social media anything you’d like to post, or to (in your case) not post.

But telling others what to do, and suggesting they are making poor value judgments because they chose to live a certain way at a particular age doesn’t do anything but make you an asshole. In fact, since I’ve turned 30, that’s the most important thing I’ve learned.

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72 Comments on “Please Stop Telling 30-Somethings What To Do (An Open Letter to Kallie Provencher at RantChic)

  1. Actually, the only thing anyone over 30 should stop doing, is reading Kellie Provencher and Rantchich! As long as it’s not illegal (which applies to all ages) or not hurtful to others (again applies to all ages), do what you want!

  2. Katie what’s her name needs to quit hanging her fears on other people. The woman is pathetic, and obviously thinks life is over at 30. At the rate she’s going, hers most certainly will be. But trying to make other loathe themselves in the way she loathes herself is repulsive. She needs to seek mental health treatment. Find out why she hates herself so much.

  3. These articles always make me laugh. Sweet, dumb Kallie. Once she turns 30 she’ll see. Every decade we women go through a shedding of our old ways and at about 30 we realize we don’t need anyone’s ridiculous guidance on much. We’re all silly little creative ants, Kallie. We can decorate ourselves any way we like, for as long as we like. We don’t need your advice. We’ll grab that from our fine elders — who dress any fucking way they feel. That’s the point, honey. When you’re a grown woman, you’ll see that.

  4. I loved Rantchic until this post. Actually was going to quote them in my book due to launch, but taking that out..this is so crazy from a girl who has not paid her dues. Are you 30? I am a 59 year old woman who bore and educated two decent human beings, and also buried one of those at age 27 from terminal adrenal cancer. I’ve cleaned more toilets than you, buried more family than you, and cried more than you can ever imagine. I’ve been around more blocks than you. A life strewn with grief, my dear Kallie Provencher, if I want to wear leopard, dang it I will. And frankly, little Kallie, my guess is I have better legs than you. My mom was scouted by the Rockettes. I’ll wear my short, leopard dresses if I feel like it.

    • Even if someone had lived a super rosey life free of any greif it’s still their business if they want to wear tiny leopard print dresses.

  5. Add my “old” but firm ass to this list. At 43, I have bright blue hair, loads of visible tattoos, look fantastic still in short, backless dresses and will continue to never care what anybody of any age thinks about it. Bonus: My pre-teen daughter knows it’s totally cool to just be your authentic self, and aside from school or work, to just do whatever feels good to her! Thankfully I never bought into the “OMG I’m 30” nonsense, because I’ve always known the older we get, the more awesome we become! No more of that youthful body-shame! No more of that stressful worrying about “fitting in”! Much love! Thinking of shaving the side of my head lately… why not!?

  6. She is a twit. I hope she matures before she reaches 30.

  7. I am 52. In my late 30s and early 40s, I was a teacher. I taught 3 year olds through middle school computer applications. The middle school girls ALWAYS loved what I wore. It’s not like kids that age are saying things to be nice. They are rather honest, so if they compliment anyone you can bet your bi-ppy they mean it. Yes I am on the side of screw anyone that has the audacity to attempt to tell women over 30 what to do or not do. As I have aged, that type of feeling has increased regarding people in general. I do not have the tolerance for idiocy. There is a lot I do not tolerate. I completely stopped caring if I was liked by whoever. Screw them. If they do not like me because I cuss, do you think I care? That would be a big fat NO. If you do not like it, then move on. Do not follow me. Simple. If you do not like anything I do or do not do, that is your deal and I don’t give a flying monkey’s behind whatsoever. I kept up with fashion mags for years. Now I peruse them if I am in a waiting room because I think they are way too expensive and I do not have the time to bother to read them. Not to mention, I have read that crap years ago. Same crap. Cosmo and telling me about what to do in the bedroom etc. can kiss my white butt. Oh my, I guess me taking a hip hop class is off limits. Yep I am the oldest woman taking stiletto fit and sexy chair, and aerial pole dancing. In my first pole class when we introduced ourselves I said “I am 51 and I had breast cancer last year. I am here to lose weight and have fun.” However, I have found it is painful to do that class because of my surgery in Sept 2015. I stopped that class for now. The others, I go more than once a week to. I have fun. I love the instructors. One is transitioning and she is amazing. They all play music I never listened to because it is not my thing–rap stuff. Guess what? Dancing to Kanye is fun and I love it. Shhh do not mention this to little Miss Sunshine that writes about what I should stop doing.

    • Thank you for calling out this ridiculous, judgemental, closed-minded girl who seems to think she knows so much about life after 30. It’s exactly like life at 29, you just are a year older . I’ll wear whatever I feel is appropriate, thank you!

  8. If you look at the graduation faulted she lists on her LinkedIn, she appears to be about 26. Which means she was 24 when she wrote this article (and similar ones). She has no idea. We should pay her a visit in about 4 or 5 years to make sure she’s following her own advice, eh?

  9. Thank goodness you addressed this issue Heather! I had just read the “article” a few seconds before reading this one and it had made me feel quite yucky! I firmly believe everyone has the power and choice to be individuals and express that through their unique fashion, make up, posts and pictures! I always strive to teach my daughter this too.
    So excuuuuuuse me, Kallie, while I slap on my oversized sunglasses, adjust my cropped, bedazzled, graphic tee and lace up my worn tennis shoes…I’m going to shine-on in all my glory with the rest of the ‘mature’ over 30’s haha 😛

  10. Although I agree with Heather Schmidt, and everyone else who is sick of being told what not to wear, I take issue with the witch-hunt tone this debate has taken. There’s tremendous pressure on all women to obey both subtle and overt rules that are dumped on us from all aspects of popular culture. Perhaps we shouldn’t be so angry with Kallie Provencher, but with a society that led a young woman to believe this would be a relevant and useful article. As a woman in her thirties, I’m not shocked by Provencher’s article because I’ve been reading versions of it in every major fashion magazine for most of my life. What surprises me is that women who are appalled by the thought of being told what’s appropriate to wear according to their age would choose to personally attack one female author rather than recognize a greater problem.

    • I agree, Danielle. I don’t agree with Kallie either but what’s up with the need to witch-hunt her online? We’re all human, and I’m sure all of us have had opinions on things we were too young to know about, at some point in our lives. Maybe she’ll change her mind when she gets older, maybe not, but if you don’t agree with her writing, just find someone else to read.

      Meanness is unflattering, no matter how old you are.

  11. I am 61 years old and I will wear what ever I want and don’t need some young girl who thinks she is the bee all end all in fashion , telling me what I should and shouldn’t wear… If it looks good and makes me feel good, that is what is important to me.where is it written in stone that women over 30 shouldn’t wear this or that…..I have seen fashion come around full circle, so I think I know what looks good or not… What is this world coming to…. And they pay her big bucks for this??? And yes, stop making this go viral, it makes her popular!!

  12. I chaperoned a dance at my kids’ elementary school and all the kids were totally rocking it. No shame. Having a great, crazy time dancing. Some of the younger moms were hanging around the edges, enjoying the scene. But the women over thirty…they were out there rocking it with the kids. Cheers to getting through that chunk of years when you think other people’s opinions about what you should do are valid. 🙂

  13. I got my 1st and only tattoo when I turned 60 and convinced my 21 yo daughter and 82 yo mother to get matching tattoos! It was awesome! Nobody is going to tell me how to behave “appropriately” as I age. And my daughters friends love the way I am!

  14. Kallie Provencher needs to kiss my 59 year old lily white but firm bum, that looks great in a good pair of jeans. She may find as she approaches the dreaded 30 year mark that she has been deluding herself all this time.

  15. These are good for a laugh! Kind of reminds me when I was in middle school and my parents would embarrass me for, you know, having fun. (Parents aren’t supposed to have fun, lol. They’re supposed to be responsible all the time and eat high fiber cereal, dammit!) Ahh, the logic of immaturity.

  16. And Kallie, that goes double for 40-somethings and triple for 50-somethings. We’re older and crankier than you, child, so knock it off before we dope slap you. Your are never too old to wear what looks good on you, and only YOU decide what looks good on you. What other people think is unimportant (including the opinion of stuck-up barely-adult youngsters who have an overblown impression of their own importance) . One must of course conform to dress codes in the business place and schools, but otherwise, wear whatever the heck you want and don’t pay attention to anyone else’s opinion. If you can still rock a miniskirt at 60 (and many of us can), you should GO for it. Life is too short to be a fuddy duddy (or to care what 20-somethings think about what their elders should wear). Mind your own small-minded business, Kallie!

  17. I agree that insipid declarations such as Kallie’s “article” would be better to die on the vine, yet I love the idea that women speak up and call her on it. To say, “hey my life is more interesting than your narrow little rules!”
    And by the way I’m Waaaay beyond 30, but frequently find myself dressed similar to what I was wearing 30 years ago… skinny jean, Vans sneakers and a tattered graphic T.

  18. Never heard of this girl until today, a post telling her to go to hell came up. But after reading all her posts about all the things I shouldn’t be doing, I realized I’m a mature almost 33 year old and I can do what the hell I want, and no one is changing my mind. It’s my life, my pregnant belly, my money, my husband, and my ass she can kiss.

  19. Agree with all, and LOVE this piece! As an AHEM-something, I find Kallie to be barely worth noticing. Yet I saw that another poster had perused Kallie’s LinkedIn profile. Just thought I’d share.
    https://www.linkedin.com/in/kallie-provencher-2392b270?authType=NAME_SEARCH&authToken=WabD&locale=en_US&trk=tyah&trkInfo=clickedVertical%3Amynetwork%2CclickedEntityId%3A251552205%2CauthType%3ANAME_SEARCH%2Cidx%3A1-1-1%2CtarId%3A1465255953794%2Ctas%3AKallie%20Provencher

  20. I’ll be 65 in September and I will never give up my graphic t-shirts!

  21. I hope the Age Police show up at her door when she turns 30 to burn all the Graphic Tees, get rid of her hoop earrings, and all of her AE and AF clothing. All of the VS stuff has to go. Sign her up for the monthly yarn box because that’s all 30-somethings do is crochet their casket attire, there is nothing left to do in life.

    • Hey, lots of us crochet and knit in our 20’s and 30’s these days. It’s phenomenally popular. I was 24 when I taught myself both and I’ve been a textiles teacher for nearly a decade now. That’s just as bad as this Kallie girl going on about what things you must stop doing at 30.

    • She won’t be able to fit into her AF stuff, anyway. As soon as she turns 30, she’s going to explode into a jiggling pile of goo.
      On another note, this list struck a particular chord with me since I just dug dresses out of the back of my closet to attend a wedding yesterday. I put one on and realized it was VERY short and I’ll be 40 in a couple of months, so a nagging voice in the back of my head made me change out of it and put on something longer. The weather made the longer dress more practical, but I hated that practicality wasn’t the reason I had changed.
      Little Kallie betrayed her age and lack of perspective when she revealed her belief that Bedazzling was a trend from the early 2000s. I think she’s symptomatic of a generation that, despite claims of overwhelming tolerance, has in fact taken two steps back.
      In a way, we can’t blame her anymore than we can blame Harlow’s monkeys for banging their heads against the wall. When an under-educated, overindulgent child is rewarded with a public platform for her under-educated, overindulgent childlike rantings, how can she be expected not to rant like an under-educated, overindulgent child?
      This poor thing is obviously terrified, having been released into the real world with so little preparation, and just like a scared little monkey, she’s flinging her own feces in self-defense.
      I, for one, am now looking forward to 40 and another opportunity to wear that short dress.

  22. Yep, Kallie does not care in the slightest what women over or under 30 do or do not do. She is trolling for traffic and watching the advertising cash dropping into her account, starting as pocket money and possibly turning into a decent living for a while. Do not help her.

  23. I think all of us “over thirty” folks can stop worrying. The only people likely to pay any attention at all to Kallie’s manifestos are those who aren’t even 20 yet. The rest of us? We’re too busy living life, dressing the way we want, vacationing and sharing pictures, and basically doing everything Kallie herself will want to do when she actually, uh hmm, matures. In the meantime I enjoyed the laugh!

  24. Things Kallie needs to stop doing (based on her LinkedIn profile)
    1) Stop using unprofessional car selfies for her professional profile
    2) Stop telling women over 30 what to do when she hasn’t even turned 30 herself yet (mid twenties? Really? Let’s see how you feel about your own rules in about 5 years)

  25. If life ended at 30 then I am in serious trouble. At 56, I wear what I want, watch what I want, and really do not care at all what anybody thinks about that…whether they are under 30, in their 30’s or actually just feeling 20, 30, 40 or whatever magic number they want to give themselves. Life is for living…live it….stop worrying about what somebody may think about you or how you need to be directed by standards imposed by others.

  26. well I’ve just spent the past 30years doing everything wrong (I’m 60) Can’t wait to spend the next 30years pissing this person off even more.

  27. I’ll be 69 this month, and this little twit can go suck eggs. Please note that I’m mature so did not call her a “fucking little twit.”

  28. I actually think the poll should have a third option, besides “Kallie should write better articles” or “I like Kallie’s articles.” The third option would be “Kallie should find another way to earn money besides writing, or even trying to communicate”

  29. Thanks for showing this Kallie how ANY woman at ANY age can have all the fun and do whatever she wants! I am a single mom who just turned 38 last April and I still wear my denim shorts, short skirts/dresses, hoop earrings. I just recently donned a tank top in NYC…and a lot of my 30-something friends still do the same things. NO ONE should tell us what we can or cannot wear or do…we are too old(?) for that!

  30. I want to see what she thinks on her 30th Birthday, someone should copy all her what not to over 30 posts and give them to her as a birthday present

  31. Seems to me she watched too many Leave It To Beaver reruns “growing up”. She wants women over 30 with coiffed hair, pearls and dresses, vacuuming in their pumps. I wonder if she will follow her own don’t lists after she turns 30….

  32. I love this with every fiber of my being. I’d kind of like to wrap one of my graphic tees around her neck. Until she passes out. But I’d never do that because I’m over 30. Maturity and all. *wink*

  33. Ha! I just looked at her resume on LinkedIn. Too funny that she’s telling people what to do.

    • Hi Heather! Thank you for your profound and mature response to Kallie. Not that I stalk people, but in a casual search to see who she writes for, I found that she is 29.

      Irony at it’s finest, because it seems she socially dies really soon and will have to start shopping at stores like Sears and Sam’s Club, wear over revealing yoga pants she doesn’t work out in (except for chasing kids and cleaning house), and start raving about how she can’t wait for pumpkin spice latte.

      She will be shocked to receive this over-30 kit in the mail we all got, during the wee hours of her post-30 birthday hangover, complete with air holes for the kids. The pumpkin spice latte alone will totally take over her humanity and identity as a human, blinds her sense of style and ideas of age appropriate entertainment, much like everyone else over 30. *cough cough*

      Ah well. I need to figure out where I can bulk order hoop earrings to go with the 14 different pairs of large sunglasses I own and wear, sort my sneakers by age, and trim down my one pair of jeans over-alls into over-alls shorts… …tough decision – the comfy ’90s style baggy ones or do I want to rock some over-all daisy dukes with my work out tennis shoes, my ninja turtles t-shirt, hoop earrings, and large sunglasses?

    • Thank you, thank you for mentiong her linkedin profile. Her picture has duck lips! One of her selfie no’s & she’s doing it. Perfectly hilarious.

  34. Pfffffttt….she thinks life ends at 30? Wait til you turn 50 and decide to color your hair hot pink and still get bohemian style clothes to wear, and play video games that make your kid’s friends think you’re pretty damned cool. That’s when you START living.

    • Hah, great comment, I’m 48 next month and just dyed my hair bright raspbery pink.!

    • I admit I opened the “10 games” article to see how many of my MMORPG’s had made the list. Laughed when I realised that wasn’t the sort of game she meant. Prefer purple to pink hair though.

    • I totally agree!!! I turn 50 next year and I have tats, dreadlocks and I wear converse and overalls all the time. And my husband loves the way I look. Imagine what I’ll do when I’m almost 60 and I really don’t give a damn!! 🙂

  35. LOVE LOVE LOVE this!!! I’m 47 and I still wear all those things, post all those things & enjoy all those things. I have no intention of stopping.

  36. I just read that exact “article” (out of complete curiosity) having turned 30 last week. It’s not even aimed at ‘thirtysomethings’ for the most part – most of the items in there are “actually, nobody should wear this”. My best guess is that Kallie Provencher is a cyborg who hates human personality in general and, having observed our civilization for some time, knows who is likely to be most vulnerable to that kind of bulls**t.

  37. Honestly? When was the last time you saw an article from a guy telling other guys what to do/not do after a certain age? Give me a break.

  38. Yeah……well, I’m sixty three and I still wear graphic t-shirts when I feel like it………and I do a lot of other stuff that’s on the “taboo for after-30” list! I don’t abide by stupid peoples’ stupid rules and nor should anyone else! Or maybe, being over 60 renders you pretty much invisible to anyone under 30 anyway!

    • Hey now! I am 29, for a few more months, and one of my best friend was 64 when I met her. Love and miss that woman. Have to visit her whenever I am in the state. I was 20 when I met her. She trained me where I worked. So your not invisible the smart kids like us love you all to pieces.
      I don’t deal well with people telling me I shouldn’t do things also, I get all grumpy and just do it more.

    • I’m also 63 years old and the greatest thing about getting older is you just don’t give a fuck what the children think. I’ll do whatever I want. That freedom is so much better than all your adolescent anxiety and self righteousness.

  39. I’m 56. That fetus needs to STOP telling people how to live their lives.

  40. It’s bullshit like this that cause some women to have complete breakdowns at 30. I know women who attempted suicide because they thought they were washed up at 30. Such utter and complete bullshit!

  41. Oh my goodness. I love you. Anger quelled. 30+ women are superior to all other humans in sexiness, beauty, humor, strength, resourcefulness, and independence. On top of that, responsibility, secret-keeping, family mediating, all the sacrifices we make for others – if anyone deserves to indulge in little things we love and spend nights out, it’s us!

    • I’m 68 and have done it all. I wear and do what I want. Anyone who doesn’t like it can leave my life anytime they want. I have many friends of all ages and they “get it”. After having survived breast cancer, losing two husbands (one recently), I feel I owe it to myself to enjoy life.

  42. My only problem with this whole thing is that while I agree wholeheartedly that she’s so very wrong, everyone else needs to stop sharing articles that make them angry. Let them go and the writer won’t be fueled to continue. I’ve almost written about this on my blog several times because it really pisses me off. If you (proverbial you, not Heather you) the article shouldn’t exist? STOP MAKING THEM VIRAL!

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