Heather Christena Schmidt

Mom, first * Writer, second * Misanthrope, always


My family is my life, and will likely send me to the nuthouse. Sometimes I feel as though I’m living a sitcom, so here is a little rundown on my cast and crew.



My dad – a.k.a. Grandpa – has lived with us for three years now. He’s about as whacky as we are, more O.C.D. than my husband and myself combined, and in his free time is a writer of obscure and relatively uninteresting sports topics (sorry, Dad!).



We are that family in California with at least one parent that goes by their first name. Nick – my husband, the children’s father – is as West Coast as it comes. He has shoulder-length hair, which he wears in a bun and occasional dew rag, and a full beard; all to pair with the ripped jeans, band shirt, and tattooed arms he wears to his job in – you guessed it – film.



Our oldest, Alexis, has been called Sessy since our middle couldn’t pronounce her real name as a baby. She’s 13 going on 75, plays tennis, and has been homeschooled since she was in 1st grade.



Ava is our middle, and to say she has middle child syndrome is an understatement. I openly admit that, though, because she gets away with murder on the regular as a result of the guilt that makes us feel. At 9 years old, Ava also plays tennis and has never attended compulsory day school, having homeschooled basically since she was born.

The Baby-Baby


Named Andrew at birth, and called Carl by everyone in the house for his old-man-esque appearance, the baby is our newest and brightest addition to the house. He evened the score for my dad and Nick on the girls versus boys household balance, and is exclusively breastfed, so essentially velcro-ed to me 24 hours a day.

The Dog-Baby



We have the most pampered puppy in the entire world. Her name is Melia, named after Amelia Earhart (that’s homeschooling for you), she’s a Norfolk Terrier, and is almost as velcro-ed to me as the real baby is.

That’s it on the Cast and Crew of the sitcom that is my life, for now. With the crazy turns my life always seems to take, though, you never know when someone or something might be added…


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