Life Goals Achieved This Week

I actually don’t have that many life goals. I used to, but I either 1) achieved them already, or 2) gave up on them. The big one I gave up on was graduate school and becoming a college professor. At one time, it was my only goal; now it’s something I have absolutely zero interest…

By Now, I Should Know Better Than To Leave The House When I’m Crabby

I woke up this morning in a bad mood. That’s actually a slight understatement, actually. I was so angry in the general sense that I continually thought to myself: “geez, Heather…you’re being pretty bitchy this morning.” And to be honest, it was entirely my fault. I opted to sleep in bed last night, instead of…

I Think I Finally Learned To Can’t Even

For the longest time, I had no idea in what context, exactly, I could say that I can’t even. Or, more precisely, in what context I could can’t even. Since, you know: to can’t even is to do something. It’s like a verb now. Just like because is a preposition to lead off a fragment;…

The Next Stage

I was at Barnes and Noble yesterday. I know what you’re all thinking – but wait, we thought you hated going anywhere during the holidays! Well, I do. But I had to go to Barnes and Noble to get what was apparently the last, mangled copy of the map of the world in all of…

So I Now Realize How Annoying I Was When I Worked…

I’m a Stay At Home Mom, but that doesn’t mean I’ve been sitting on my ass, eating bon bons and shit since my high school graduation. In fact, it is arguable that in the few years I did work, I worked harder than a lot of people do in their entire careers. I mean there…

I Hope You All Laugh Heartily About My Disastrous Long Weekend

I don’t even know why the fuck I called it a “long weekend.” It certainly was disastrous, but the concepts of weekend, or long weekend, are relatively foreign to me. My husband doesn’t get most federal holidays off. I mean, even when he does he’s usually answering text messages or emails or whatever about work…

Today Was A Strange Day, Indeed

Have you guys ever had a day that was just so bizarre it seemed like someone may have slipped some magic mushrooms into your lunch? We’re talking crazy strange – like out of this world strange; and it never happens like just one weird thing and then it’s all over. It’s like twenty weird things…

6 Things No One Told You About Becoming a Stay At Home Mom

When I became a Stay At Home Mom, I quickly learned that most people have absolutely no idea what it really means to be a Stay At Home Mom. I don’t mean that they are missing something about how hard it is. Well, some are. A lot are… Some don’t have much respect for it…