Heather Christena Schmidt

Mom, first * Writer, second * Misanthrope, always

I took down our Christmas decorations on Christmas Day. I’m not even kidding, you guys. I did. Even before the grandparents were out the door, after watching the kids open an ungodly amount of gifts, I was taking shit down. I’ve just had it with the clutter and the dust and, well, the holiday. I …

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Four years ago, I wrote a blog post about starting to paint again. It was really crazy, actually. I hadn’t painted or drawn or done anything artsy or craftsy in years. I mean I wasn’t even a Pinterest mom at that point. Blasphemy, I know. I literally wanted nothing to do with art, and the …

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Those of you that have been around here for a while know that I have a history of living in ghettos. It’s – of course – of no fault of my own. We’re renters, so there is always the gamble that comes with renting. The area could change over time. The company that manages your …

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I never thought I’d say this, but I miss California. I miss the way you can go outside and not break into a sweat from the sheer heat and humidity, that is both oppressive and shocking – given that it’s only the beginning of April. I miss our salads. Oh do I miss our salads …

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People always look at me like I’m a complete moron when I tell them that I like the cold. As in cold outside, you know: snow, sleet, wind chill. I get jealous when I see that there are blizzards going on somewhere in the world. I live in California. Particularly, Southern California. We have one …

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My husband was born and raised in California. I know, puke. He went to college in California. He works in California’s biggest industry. Except for a couple of family vacations and bro-rific Vegas trips (double puke), he’s hardly been anywhere else. On a daily basis, I am reminded just how much of a Californian he …

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I take it pretty offensively when people refer to me as “from California.” First and foremost, I don’t really like California. It’s nothing personal against anyone that does – I just don’t gel with it. Secondly, though, I’m just not from there. I’m from Chicago. Get over it. Just because I happen to live in …

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