California | Heather Christena Schmidt

STFU Fridays: The Letter Of The Day Is F

May 3, 2013 by Heather Christena Schmidt

I have had a really horrible week. Really awful. Everyone around me seems to be acting like an ungrateful asshole. My spaghetti sauce in the crockpot yesterday got ruined because it was sitting by the sink cooling and someone – somehow – splashed rotten milk into it. And our city is burning to the ground in this massive California fire. So for this STFU Fridays, the letter of the day truly is F. But is it the F you’re all […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: California, camarillo fire, comedy, family, family rules, fire, fire season, fire seasons, humor, kids, life, life problems, Marriage, mom, mom blog, Mommy Blog, morality, priorities, random post, random thoughts, satire, separation, shut the fuck up fridays, springs fire, stfu, STFU Fridays, thoughts on family

Can I Have Your Autograph?

March 4, 2013 by Heather Christena Schmidt

When my husband and I first got married, his bosses gave us a pair of their season tickets to a Lakers game. Sure, I fucking hate the Lakers and anything-Los Angeles, but they were two rows behind court-side, so I figured – what the hell? What they failed to tell us was that their tickets were seated directly behind those idiotic Kardashian whore-faces. This was when Lamar was still on the team, so the whole time we had to sit […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: annoying people, basketball game experiences, California, celebrities, comedy, fans, film industry, Hollywood, humor, justin bieber, Kardashians, khloe kardashians, kim kardashian, kristen stewart, Lakers, lakers stories, life, lifestyle, music industry, satire, social commentary, stupid people

My Guest Blog Over At Seasons of Insanity

December 13, 2012 by Heather Christena Schmidt

So I wrote a guest blog over at Seasons of Insanity. It’s pretty goddamned hilarious if you ask me. Click the link to read it Is California the Site of the Zombie Apocalypse

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: apocalypse, blogging, California, California cuisine, comedy, guest blogging, humor, life, lifestyle, satire, zombie, zombie apocalypse, zombies

The Worst Part About California

October 2, 2012 by Heather Christena Schmidt

Don’t believe anything the tourist ads, or the hipsters with their million dollar trust funds, tell you. California has a lot of downsides. Sure, the weather is typically pretty nice; although, there are even some bad parts to that. For one, you no longer have much change to the seasons, which is sort of depressing. There is something very beautiful about the fall of leaves; about the first snowfall; and, about the beginning of spring and of summer. You don’t […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: Cali, California, California Lifestyle, comedy, ghetto, hillbillies, hipsters, humor, life, lifestyle, living in California, morality, people, satire, social commentary, society, tourism, travel, west coast

Ironies in My Home

October 1, 2012 by Heather Christena Schmidt

Friday I ranted on STFU Fridays about hipsters, which is very close to home for me because I’m married to someone that wishes with every breath in his body that he were a hipster. From his belief that he has a superior taste in music, to the douchey Fedora and neon green-rimmed sunglasses he hasn’t worn since he came back from Coachella a few years ago, my husband is infatuated with the idea that he is ironically cool. I’m not […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: California, California life, comedy, dark satire, family, home, home life, homemaker, housemaking, housewife, housewife problems, humor, ironies, kids, life, lifestyle, Marriage, parenting, satire

This Week’s STFU: People That Give Bad Advice

August 30, 2012 by Heather Christena Schmidt

For this week’s Shut the Fuck Up Fridays, I’d like to address people that give bad advice. Have you ever been given bad advice? I’ve been given plenty of it. Sometimes I’m smart enough to know that it’s bad advice, and so I ignore it. Other times I’m either tricked or my brain is so far up the asses I’m wiping and bathing and shuttling to and from activities that I take it and suffer the consequences. Here are my […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: bad movies, California, California cuisine, comedy, humor, life, lifestyle, mom, mommy, movies, random list, random post, random thoughts, satire, shut the fuck up fridays, the trip

In-N-Out versus In-N-Out

August 19, 2012 by Heather Christena Schmidt

Anyone that has been to California knows that one of the “must-dos” of the state is a trip to In-N-Out. Even if you don’t eat fast food, or you don’t eat meat, you still do it. They actually are very good at catering to people’s health and otherwise needs: they have a huge “secret” menu, available to anyone. Grilled cheese, veggie sandwiches, fresh and unprocessed fries… Of course I think that’s about the only good thing about In-N-Out. Personally, I […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: burger joints, California, California restaurants, comedy, community problems, dark humor, dark satire, dining, eating, eating out, fast food, fast food restaurants, food, funny, ghetto, ghetto trash, humor, In N Out, life, lifestyle, restaurants, satire, social commentary

A Few Open Letters From My Day…

May 2, 2012 by Heather Christena Schmidt

Yeesh, what a day! This may be Hump Day, but for me it was “Fuck Heather’s Brain Until It Bleeds”-Day. I have a few open letters to write from my day. Shall we begin? An Open Letter to the lady at Natural Cafe FUCK YOU. I heard you standing in line behind me, having a pithy little conversation with your friend about how you don’t dress down and “lower” (your word) yourselves to wear Team Shirts outside of the house, […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: bad example, bad parents, California, California public schools, drama, ethics, extra-curricular activities, humor, life, lifestyle, morality, open letter, parenting, public education, random interactions, random people, random post

Porking My Way To My Past

January 20, 2012 by Heather Christena Schmidt

Okay, before you all get your panties in a bunch over the fact that I used the term “porking” in the title of this blog, consider first what I do not mean. For one, if you were thinking I meant I was going to “pork” all kinds of people from my past, that’s obviously not going to happen because I’m married and the husband doesn’t usually look kindly on infidelity. If you are thinking I’m going to be going all […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: California, California cuisine, Chicago, Chicago-style pizza, comedy, home, homeward bound, humor, life, lifestyle, moral of the story, morality, narcissism, random, random events, random post, random thoughts, stupid people, traveling

Heather Christena Schmidt

I like my dogs. My kids? Not so much.

Tag: California