Last Week Sucked Harder Than Your Mom Every Time She Goes To Mardi Gras

Mardi Gras is coming up, which means one thing and one thing only: time to lock up your mothers. Grandmothers? Oh, I guess I’m the only one whose mother has appeared on Grannies Gone Wild. Moving along…

So last week sucked. It sucked hard. Harder than … well, I think you’ve gotten the point. Not to be crude or bitchy or – as the more childish refer to – negative, but it did. Did you faithful blog followers have a hard week? Here was mine:

My Car Broke Down

480832_654152611313_271389699_nWe talked about this earlier in the week, but it’s worth reiterating. My car broke down which sucked because it was new and, while – yes – it was a new used car, it was still a major frustration nonetheless. We finally got an “offer” from the private dealer that sold us the car on repairs last night. He said he could refer us to the guy he knows that does transmissions.

No talk of money. Gee … thanks. I’ll just grow more money out of my asshole to pay for that whopping $2500 repair that should not be needed only three weeks after the car was purchased.

Achilles Died

And in a tragic twist of fate, Achilles the fish met the same, exact fate as Achilles the Homeric hero. Well, I assume as much, although we did not inspect to see if there was an arrow in whatever would be equivalent to the fish’s “heel.”

So Achilles died and to make matters worse, the other fish started eating him and then the body was rapidly disintegrating into the water – the thing couldn’t have been dead longer than a day. We honestly just couldn’t find him.

There are now three options. (1) Replace the fish again. (2) Call it a loss and finally accept that we can barely take care of ourselves, let alone animals. (3) Stop naming our pets after characters in The Iliad. Fortunately Menelaus (the fish) and Agamemnon (the guinea pig) are still alive.

For now.


My Crazy Mom Flew the Coop

We already talked about this earlier last week as well, but the update is that the Hillbilly actually did cry wolf, yet again. The Hillbilly Husband is fine and alive and his heart is beating quite well. Sadly, the rumor has now developed that my Trailer Trash Mom just can’t deal with the responsibility of being near my grandparents as they rapidly decline, and that she was using her most recent tale to run away as that happens.

That and she wanted to get some. Gross, I know. Grannies Gone Wild is an understatement.

I should probably consider it a blessing that she is not around. I mean, she isn’t stealing things from my apartment anymore. There is no more eating of all my groceries. And stories about her teeth being lost or misplaced or falling out during conversation are minimized since we rarely speak while she is out of the area. But it still doesn’t change the hurt it’s caused to her family, her parents, and – most importantly – my Pookies.

Poor Nick’s Uncle Passed Away

And in the coup de grace of crap-slinging that life threw at us last week, my husband’s uncle passed away, after a very unsettled life battling many personal issues. He was hit by a truck after stepping out into traffic Friday evening.

We learned of this last night and today I woke up feeling like garbage. When does life give anyone a break? Is it always hard? Always a struggle? A series of one thing after another that has to be dealt with? Loser family. Car problems. People with their hands in your pocket, just taking all of your money. Death.

One of my favorite writers and philosophers of all time, Bertrand Russell, said

“The life of Man is a long march through the night, surrounded by invisible foes, tortured by weariness and pain, towards a goal that few can hope to reach, and where none may tarry long. One by one, as they march, our comrades vanish from our sight, seized by the silent orders of omnipotent Death. Very brief is the time in which we can help them, in which their happiness or misery is decided. Be it ours to shed sunshine on their path, to lighten their sorrows by the balm of sympathy, to give them the pure joy of a never-tiring affection, to strengthen failing courage, to instill faith in times of despair.”

MjAxMy1iOWQ5MGMzNWIxNzczYzNlNotice, it doesn’t say anything about giving people a hard time for having feelings or being down. It doesn’t say “it is our duty to judge them for posting on Facebook that they are having a rough patch” – something I see people do constantly. I know that I surround myself with those that are lights in a time of darkness. And I hope that one day I too can shed sunshine on the paths of others that have had a hard week, a week like I just did. To lighten their sorrows and to give them the pure joy of a never-tiring affection.

No matter what the world throws at you, it seems all OK at the thought of that.

When Your New Car Breaks


Try and stay positive!

I absolutely loath when people say that. First, and foremost, I think talking about people being “negative” or “positive” is – in a word – childish. Those are just more labels we as a society use to peg people that we think are doing something either right or wrong, by our standards.

So I really and truly want to punch people in the nads that throw that “try and stay positive” crap in my face. Sometimes, you just have to be realistic. Sometimes staying positive is a recipe for getting your own self punched in the nads.

When your new car breaks, I would highly recommend not trying to stay positive. I would highly recommend flipping out, because as soon as you come down from your moment of temporary insanity, it’s a lot easier to figure things out realistically.

I bought a new used car approximately three weeks ago. My husband crashed his car into some 16 year old on the way to work back in October, and after months of deliberation the insurance company finally decided to total out his car. My Yaris got amazing gas mileage; I needed something bigger … so we did a little swap. I got the money for the insurance pay out and bought a 2004 Jeep Grand Cherokee. I did the research. I drove it multiple times. I did everything right; and (despite the fact that I was pretty sure the private dealership was owned and operated by the leaders of the local mob) it seemed like the right decision.

I should be clear, I have been hit (not hit others) in quite a few car accidents since moving to California, so I have a lot of experience buying cars. The Jeep was my fifth purchase.

Now today I was driving on the freeway from our lunch out to Barnes and Noble. I made it no more than two miles down the road, though, when all of a sudden my car started jerking, and violently. I got off at the next exit, called my husband then my father and both said I should try and make it home. When I put the car back into “D” though, it made this horrible, loud thud noise and the entire car jumped. It was barely drivable after that.

We ended up getting towed. Within a few hours I learned that the entire transmission needs to be rebuilt, of course not a covered item on the 90 day limited warranty. Blah blah blah. Let’s get to the positives.

But wait! I said I didn’t want to try and stay positive. I said that when your new car breaks you should let yourself freak out, rather than living in a false sense of naive idealism that everything will just magically work out for you!

Those aren’t the kinds of positives I’m talking about. I’m talking about the stories that come from being towed.

Humanity Is Evil


The tow guy got there and attempted to drive my car up onto the tow ramp. But as he was backing the Jeep up to pull it on, this crazy broad pulled up behind him and started honking her horn. Then she yelled “get out of my way!!” The tow guy pulled the car in front of his tow truck, which was a huge mistake. No less than twenty cars then proceeded to drive past the tow truck, no one stopping for him to get my poor, broken Jeep up onto the ramp.

You may be thinking this is normal for a street, but then I have to tell you the best part: I was in a goddamned parking lot with about ten others rows that people could have driven down instead of the one we were in.

Nothing says “this was a good a experience” like a harsh reminder that humanity is evil.

Some People Are Truly Amazing


But then – when all seemed to be at a total loss – a woman walked up to me and said “is that your car being towed?” I told her that it was, and then told her that no one was letting the poor tow guy get it up on the ramp, though.

She said: “hold on, I just had lunch with my ex-husband and I’ll have him pull up and block the driveway until your car gets up there.”

No, I am not kidding you, faithful blog followers. The guy pulled up and blocked the way, then pulled forward and asked if he could help with anything else. I thanked him, he drove off. Then the woman asked if we were being picked up, or if she could drive us home.

As horrible as this world is, every once in a while there is a light of hope hanging on.

People Are Full of Surprises


Once the Jeep was loaded, we just had to get into the tow truck and ride with him to the auto care center, closer to our apartment (about fourteen miles away). There, my dad was going to meet us and help me get everything handled.

As we got into the tow truck, the tow guy – who seemed like your average, run-of-the-mill tow truck driver – took the kid’s stuffed bear, set him in the middle of the backseat, and clicked him in. Pookie smiled, said thanks, and held the bear’s hand the whole trip.

I have never seen a service person, who deals with the nastiness of public on a regular basis, show such an unbelievably humbling sweetness in my entire life.

The only other note of excitement for the trip was that we had to go through a weigh station, since we were over a large hill that the heavy truck was going to have to go down. I had never been through a weigh station before, and always thought it was some sort of complicated ordeal involving scales and measures and paperwork and police. Sadly, it was not as exciting. We pulled through it, just driving slowly, and continued down the hill.

When your new car breaks, I highly suggest freaking out. Don’t listen to those assholes that tell you to try and stay positive, because there is nothing positive about car repairs. There are, however, pretty awesome reminders you can learn along the way – no matter how ugly or unbelievably touching they may be.