Heather Christena Schmidt

Mom, first * Writer, second * Misanthrope, always

I took down our Christmas decorations on Christmas Day. I’m not even kidding, you guys. I did. Even before the grandparents were out the door, after watching the kids open an ungodly amount of gifts, I was taking shit down. I’ve just had it with the clutter and the dust and, well, the holiday. I …

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Being a mom has made me a hypocrite more times than I would like to admit. Or more times than I thought would happen? Maybe I’m a liar. Is that what’s going on here? Whatever you want to label me, I am one and chances are, if you are a parent, you are one too. …

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…up yo’ hairy ass. I thought about doing this as a letter to Jen from People I Want to Punch in the Throat. As much as I love her. And her blog. And her snippety blog posts. I also am so fucking mad at her I just punched myself in the tit. Why? Because she …

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Today when we went on our annual trip to get a photograph with Santa Claus at the mall, I realized that this is the last year we’ll be making such a pilgrimage. When we got there, I was quickly reminded of last year’s experience where Santa Claus continued to stumble around, making it apparently clear …

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