4 Ways Our 30s Are Still Very Much Like High School

Are you in your 30s? I am. I mean I’m really 28. Again. But according to my driver’s license I am officially a 30-something. Screw you, DMV. In any event, … Continue reading 4 Ways Our 30s Are Still Very Much Like High School

“I’m Pregnant!”

Hah! Man … did I fool you suckers. There would be so many terrible, terrible; horrific things about me saying those words in earnest. For one, that would have necessarily … Continue reading “I’m Pregnant!”

Buy My Memoir, Or Else I’ll…

… hunt you down and show you a picture of a cow giving birth to a pig. Okay, I guess I’ve already done that now. Gross, huh? … cry all … Continue reading Buy My Memoir, Or Else I’ll…

What, Exactly, Are Big Girl Panties?

Sometimes when I’m out to lunch with my dad, he’ll say something along the lines of: “yeez, Heather … you should probably stop woofing down those french fries like there’s … Continue reading What, Exactly, Are Big Girl Panties?