dark satire | Heather Christena Schmidt

Repeat After Me: It’s OK If People Want To Do Christmas Early

November 2, 2017 by Heather Christena Schmidt

Ugh. I am so sick and tired of people and their popular shit to be upset about on the Internet. Like really. As many of you know, Halloween was just a couple of days ago. I, personally, had a great Halloween. As in, I didn’t do shit. My kids dressed up in their annual themed costumes the week prior for a Halloween party at the tennis club (see below), and didn’t even decide to go trick or treating until pretty […]

Categories: California Lifestyle, Holidays, Mom Life, Suburbia, Uncategorized • Tags: Christmas, comedy, dark satire, Holidays, humor, life, lifestyle, mom, mom blog, Mom Life, public commentary, satire, social commentary, suburban life, thanksgiving

Groupon Is Basically A Scam Now, and I’m The Last To Know (Also Men Wear Rompers Now, So Basically Screw It All, I Give Up)

May 16, 2017 by Heather Christena Schmidt

So I bought a Groupon last week for a local photographer. Let me start by saying that finding a photographer worth the money around here is tough. The good ones are all working in Los Angeles, taking headshots of Justin Bieber. Out here in the ‘burbs, we have a conglomerate of people either licensed and way overpriced, licensed and trying to break into the Justin Bieber headshot business, or not licensed but owning a nice camera and doing this for […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: capitalism, comedy, consumerism, dark satire, family, family photos, groupon, humor, life, lifestyle, money, satire, scams, social commentary, spending, waste of money

Swimming In Debt Is Cool If You Just Pretend Everything Is Fine

August 30, 2016 by Heather Christena Schmidt

I have known so many people with that philosophy. They don’t have very good lives in the end – they foreclose on their homes, lose their cars, die of heart attacks at 40… but in the moment that they live it, where they swim in debt while pretending everything is fine, they really are happy. And how couldn’t you be? Exotic vacations you can’t afford. Boats. RVs. Long weekends. Hair and nail appointments every week. All the while completely […]

Categories: California Lifestyle, Mom Life, Suburbia, Uncategorized • Tags: adult, adulting, adults, being an adult, bills, comedy, dark satire, deep satire, humor, life, lifestyle, medical bills, money, paying bills, satire

Let’s Clear The Air On This Whole Don Trump Thing

February 26, 2016 by Heather Christena Schmidt

Unfortunately – and I say that not really meaning what I’m saying – I might lose some followers after this post. It’s not really unfortunate. It’s good. It’s fucking great. Bye Felicia. A little known fact about this here blog lady is that she (I’m talking about myself) used to work in politics. First as an event and fundraising planner, then as a community organizer, and finally – just before the burn out and disillusionment set in – as a […]

Categories: California Lifestyle, Uncategorized • Tags: America, American government, american life, american society, bigotry, dark satire, donald trump, election 2016, elections, government, life, lifestyle, political, politics, racism, sad state of the nation, satire, sexism, social commentary, society

I Am – At My Core – A Sanctimommy.

February 23, 2016 by Heather Christena Schmidt

Opinions are like assholes. Everybody’s got one. I’ve said many versions of that over the course of the years writing on this blog. And in life, in general. It’s probably one of the only cliches I can really get on board with. I’m just not a big fan of them – at least as far as talking in cliche goes. (My most hated cliched phrase is “the grass is always greener on the other side.” Fuck you. My grass is […]

Categories: Big Kids, Mom Life, Pregnancy and Babies, Uncategorized • Tags: being a mom, children, comedy, dark satire, humor, kids, life, life lessons, lifestyle, mom blog, Mom Life, parenting, raising kids, sanctimommy, satire, satire about life, social commentary

Toxic People That Are Family Are Still Toxic

February 16, 2016 by Heather Christena Schmidt

There. Someone had to say it. I’ve written about family issues – generally speaking – on this blog before, and I am sure I’ll write about them again. But when I go through the history of my posts on this issue (the family issue), I can see a change in me as I’ve aged. As I have grown, I have come to realize something very important. Almost profound, at least as far as life and family and every day dealings […]

Categories: California Lifestyle, Uncategorized • Tags: dark comedy, dark satire, family, family drama, humor, issues, life, lifestyle, Marriage, problems, relationships, satire, social commentary, toxic, toxic people

Really, Internet? Yes. Really.

February 2, 2016 by Heather Christena Schmidt

Today was errand day. It’s one day a week: Monday. We pack all the errands into that day so that we can avoid leaving the house the rest of the week. By the end of even a moderate Monday errand day I’m exhausted, crabby, and unwilling to tolerate anything. And that’s like two stops. Today’s Monday errand day included nine stops spread over two cities. It was terrible. A terrible Monday errand day. You can imagine, then, how I felt about getting […]

Categories: California Lifestyle, Uncategorized • Tags: comedy, dark satire, etiquette, humor, Internet etiquette, Internet memes, life, lifestyle, looks, meme, pretty, satire, social commentary, society, ugly

It Could Always Be Worse

January 26, 2016 by Heather Christena Schmidt

Have you ever had someone say that to you? You’re having a bad day. You found out you have high blood pressure. You got into a car accident. Your company announced pay cuts. You’re frustrated, you’re tired, you need to vent, and so you meet up with friends or family for drinks and vent over beers; or you climb onto the ol’ Interwebs and post a gripe on your Facebook. Then there’s always that asshole, someone just sitting there waiting for […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: comedy, dark satire, downloading social comparison., emotions, feelings, humor, life, lifestyle, people, problems, satire, social commentary, society

How Many Relationships Have You Lost Over the Syrian Refugee Crisis?

November 19, 2015 by Heather Christena Schmidt

It isn’t every day that you think you’d be asking yourself, or others, that. And yet today, I find myself wondering just how many people I can no longer look in the face, speak to at a party, or read about in a Christmas letter or a Facebook post anymore. It’s a lot. The Syrian refugee crisis, one that has been going on for – surprisingly – a few years now, is reaching a fever pitch in these post-Parisian attack […]

Categories: California Lifestyle, Uncategorized • Tags: dark satire, ethics, help, human beings, humanitarian, humans, international politics, international relations, islam, islamaphobia, life, lifestyle, morals, muslim, one world, refugees, satire, social commentary, syria, syrian refugee crisis, world, world affairs

Heather Christena Schmidt

I like my dogs. My kids? Not so much.

Tag: dark satire

Swimming In Debt Is Cool If You Just Pretend Everything Is Fine