Tag duckface

Get a Little Cray Cray

Heather Christena Schmidt 3 Comments

Do you see the crazy in my eyes, there, faithful blog followers?  While it’s definitely there, it’s not the kind of crazy that I am looking for right now.  The other day I saw someone post on Facebook “What’s going down tonight – I feel like getting cray cray!”  And I realized that I don’t get cray cray, faithful blog followers.  I just don’t.  I think this picture is the most cray cray I have ever gotten, actually:  a trip to the family pumpkin farm.  There were animals (gross!), hay stacks everywhere (grosser!), and my feet got dirty.  The wildness hit a fever pitch when I ate not one, but two all natural frozen lime fruit bars and the event was so off the hook that I had to take a nap, cozied up in the passenger seat of my father’s car, the entire way home.  This is my idea of a wild time.  No jokes, no joshing – I really don’t get cray cray.

But after seeing that Facebook post, as well as getting a taste of the wild side when I did my Dress Like a Hipster post a few weeks ago, I developed a longing deep within to get a little cray cray myself.  I’m not talking barn animals and frozen fruit bars cray cray, faithful blog followers.  I’m talking acting borderline insane, just for the fun of it.

The caveat is that I have no true idea what it is to get cray cray.  I really think a trip to the family pumpkin farm is letting loose.  So let’s do another B(itch) poll to see what you, faithful blog followers, would like to see this lady do to Get a Little Cray Cray.

You will note, all of the polls harken back to a prior blog post of mine – from the one about Tom Skilling to the hillbillies, even all the way back to duckface.  Nothing wrong with a little shameless self-promotion, right?  And anyway, I do have my issues that make that crazy look in my eyes all the crazier…

You can vote for more than one thing, you can also add your own!  So let’s Get a Little Cray Cray..

Duckface VERSUS Fat Tongue

Heather Christena Schmidt 2 Comments

There are always going to be trends that come and go, usually propelled (and expired) by the 15 – 32 age group.  Sometimes kids a little younger catch on and people say what kind of parents allow that?, just as occasionally people a little older join the fun, only to be thought of as faking it.  I’m not talking about trends in language, like the use of text lingo in normal communication, though (what my usual rants are about).  No, I almost wish I were, for what I’m talking about, here, is much worse.  I’m talking about trends that are meant to make the 15 – 32ers look sexy.  Fashion trends, photo trends – whatever you want to call them.  They’re annoying and, in some cases, disgusting.

This year, my top four most hated “look at me, I’m too hot to trot” trends are (in no particular order):

That Whitish-Peach-Colored Super Shiny Lipgloss

The Kim Kardashian Orange-Skin-Special

Photo credit UK Big Pictures

The I’m-So-HOT Duckface

and, of course, the newcomer on the scene, Fat Tongue

What about any of these trends screams “I’m hot?”  It’s as if gads of young women (and in many cases, men) really believe that sticking their disgusting, often unclean, tongues out like dead animals is sexy; or as if globbing on pounds of that whitish-peach lip gloss makes their orange skin even more attractive.

I’ve got news for you, ladies.  You look horrible.  Your lip gloss looks like you’ve either eaten one too many powdered doughnuts, or have been snorting way too much cocaine.  Your tongue makes me want to vomit, and your orange skin makes me sad that you don’t realize how stupid you look.  And your duckface … well, the stupidity of your duckface should be self-evident, and yet months after the inception of antiduckface.com (a site devoted to mocking the photo trend), new posts continue to show up daily.

Fortunately, I am still in the 15 – 32 age range, but I would never lower myself to such attention-getting tactics as these.  The people that do this look ignorant, disgusting, and, to be blunt, like skanks.  Ladies, you need to get some self-respect; to recognize that your photograph is beautiful without your lips puckered out so far you look like you’ve had a bad case of botox.  Let’s set a new standard of sexy and stop taking photo, after photo, after photo, for future generations to wonder just what in the hell we were thinking.

Which facial expression do you think is more hideous, vote now!

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