STFU Fridays: “I’m Thankful For …” Facebook Posters

Ok, so after this week’s Shut the Fuck Up Fridays, I’m probably going to lose about 75% of my Facebook friends after they get a gander at this one. But hear me out before you all get your panties in a wad.

The Cliche “I’m Thankful For…” Facebook Posters

Are you one of those “I’m thankful for …” Facebook posters that never comes up with anything original beyond “friends,” “family,” “a roof over my head,” and other miscellaneous, hackneyed, and seemingly-cliche bullshit?

I have a friend who basically copies and pastes her “I’m thankful for…” Facebook posts each day from the year before. I imagine she has an Excel spreadsheet at home with what she posts for each day of the month leading up to Thanksgiving. And I have yet to see anything original. It’s always husband, house, health – that kind of crap. It’s OK to be thankful for those things, but for God’s sakes: the Internet is about finding things that are unique, not logging on and seeing all 346 of your friends posting “I am thankful for my family!”

In other words, put some thought into it!

So if you are one of these people; these cliche “I’m thankful for…” Facebook posters that cannot look beyond the basic things in life that you might have even an inkling of gratitude for – well, you can just shut the fuck up.

The Narcissistic “I’m Thankful For…” Facebook Posters

I mean generally speaking, the whole “I’m thankful for…” thing is a little self-centered to begin with. Facebook is bad enough with the self-centered posts about what we’re eating/doing/ watching/wearing/loving/experiencing; and every fucking person out there is always blathering on about how wonderful their lives are (as if they really can be that great).┬áBut then we have this “I’m thankful for…” thing in the month of November leading up to Thanksgiving, and we’re really hit with the hardcore narcissism.

Now I can’t say this is the case with all of the “I’m thankful for…” Facebook posters, but there are definitely a few out there that just use it as an opportunity to talk about themselves even more than they already do. “I’m thankful for … my great hair.” “I’m thankful for my husband’s hot ass.” “I’m thankful for the wonderful workers at Starbucks who always know just what my order is.” Blah blah blahbitty blah.

Do you know what I’m thankful for? People that are in Africa right now teaching children that would otherwise not be taught. Do you know what else I’m thankful for? Modern medicine for which many of us might not be here now if it weren’t for. I have a long list and none of it has to do with my hair or my husband or my coffee.

If you are one of these narcissistic “I’m thankful for…” Facebook posters; who doesn’t devote at least a few of your days to things outside of your wonderful sphere of life, well then you can just shut the fuck up too.

The “I Don’t Usually Do These Kinds of Things”

“I’m Thankful For…” Facebook Posters

These motherfuckers really get under my skin. They start every “I’m thankful for…” post with some bullshit about how they are jumping on the bandwagon even though they never usually do this chainletter-type Facebook game bullshit.

This one bitch that used to be on my Facebook (operative words: used to) would post every chain letter status update shit she could get her grubby hands on. She’d do the childhood molestation awareness month profile photo thing. She’d do the “I like it on the kitchen table” status update bullshit. She posted every meme and quote and stupid guilt tripping thing about it being brother’s week or mother’s week or sister’s week or “like if you love your daughter” day, and she posted every one of those stupid shit status updates about how 89% of people won’t repost it.

That bitch fucking always participated in that bullshit. But then every year she’d start every single one of her stupid fucking “I’m thankful for…” Facebook posts with “I don’t usually do these things, but I’ll jump on the thankful bandwagon anyway.”

If you are one of her, you need to for real shut the fuck up. Shut. The. Fuck. UP.

I’m hoping that I haven’t lost any of my Facebook friends over this post. I can only think of a few that I have actually told to shut the fuck up through the course of this STFU Friday. If you have to participate in this “I’m thankful for” Facebook post thing, that is in and of itself bad enough. I mean, why is it that people don’t express how thankful they are for the things they are thankful for at all times of the year? Why do they have to have a holiday to remind them to do so? Does this mean that the only time of year these people actually are grateful for the things they have in their piddly shit lives really is Thanksgiving-time? Well that’s the most pathetic thought on the state of human nature that I have had in a long time.

But I digress…

Regardless of all that, if you have to participate in them anyway, the least you could do is take heed to some simple guidelines. Don’t be cliche. Don’t be a narcissist. And for God’s sake, own up to the fact that you not only do do those kinds of things, but you fucking lap that shit up like I lap up every drop of wine when some splashes out of my glass. If you can’t avoid those three simple “I’m thankful for…” faux pas, well then you really just need to shut the fuck up.