To Gym? or Not To Gym?

So I’ve been sick for a little over two weeks, now. It started with a cold – funny feeling in the throat, feeling crappy, etc. Then it morphed into a sinus infection. Now all that remains is a nagging cough – you know the one we all get every winter that lasts for weeks and weeks after you are actually sick. The thing about me and my horrible sinus problem, though, is that if I work out while I still have any symptoms at all, I start to get sicker and my sinuses clog up again and I’m back at the Ear, Nose, Throat doctor – who I am desperately trying to avoid now that he’s dropped the ‘it’s time to seriously consider surgery’-bomb. So I haven’t been to the gym in two or three weeks now, since just before I got sick.

But this is happening all the time. I’m always coming down with something that turns into a sinus infection, and I’m missing a few weeks of the gym to deal with it. Probably three days of the week, I wake up with exacerbated allergies and cannot go either – because if I go to the gym with an allergy flare-up, the same sinus thing will happen. And then there are the days that I’m just too busy – cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, and homeschooling get in the way. There are the periods when I’m binge-writing: writing blogs, journaling, and working on my book so much that I barely even remember to eat, let alone go to work out. And so on and so forth, you get the point – I am often finding reasons not to do the one thing I really enjoy.

This frequent absence is also compounded by the fact that I hate my gym. To begin, it’s twenty minutes away from home. Long story short, when I joined it was in Los Angeles, where I no longer live; that location has since closed, and now where we live the closest branch is miles away. When I get there – no matter what day of the week or time of the day it is – the place is invariably packed. The last time I went before getting sick, I left completely enraged because there were long lines at every single one of the cardio machines I wanted to use, as well as weight machines completely filled with elderly people having conversations (rather than pumping the iron).

It may sound like I’m setting things up for a No Gym vote, here – talking myself into canceling my membership before I’ve even clarified that this is the main question behind this post. I’m not though. There are a lot of things I really like about the gym.

For one, I enjoy working out around other people that work out because it motivates me to keep going and work harder. There are machines that I use at the gym, as well, that I do not have any access to at home (particularly the one that is apparently only for sluts or gay men … which happens to be my favorite machine. I had no idea that every time I made eye contact with someone while using that machine that I looked like a skank strengthening her vag muscles for a hot night on the docks…). I have more options at the gym too, and while I never use them (like classes, the swimming pool, etc.) I like having options were I to ever really want to take them.

So all of that considered, I’m starting to wonder if I should really continue with my gym membership. In the last five months, I have gone less than 40% of the time. What’s worse is that I’ve worked out more at home than I have there – possibly because of the distance, it is now just more convenient for me since I cannot stay at the gym long anyway when I do go. But again, I like the options I do not have at home – the classes, the swimming pool. Ignoring the fact that our new apartment complex has its own pool and fitness center (albeit a much smaller one than my gym), the motivation factor is a big one too. Just by having the gym membership, i feel that I work out more.

I see there being definite possibilities on both sides:

To Gym

…is to be motivated to work out as often as I can.

…is to have machines I don’t have available to me at home.

…is to interact with more of that crazy society that gives me topics to blog on frequently.

…gets me out of the house and in the company of other humans.

…gives me a few minutes sans Dora the Explorer.

Not To Gym

…runs the risk of losing the motivation to work out at all.

…presents me with limitations of what machines I have to use when I do work out.

…separates me from society even more than I already am – which is already at somewhat of a fever pitch.

…would save me ass-loads of money.

The real point is that every month my husband and I divvy up what remains of our monthly income between the two of us for miscellaneous spending – a third of my half is taken up by the cost of my gym membership and Kid’s Club childcare. That is a lot of money every month that sometimes goes straight into the lining of the LA Fitness pockets with me having been unable to workout often. Think of all the make up and purses I could buy with that money.

I fear I have reached an impasse, faithful blog followers. To Gym? or Not To Gym?


New Years Countdown Series, Day 4: Resolution a’Don’t Do It

We’re four days to the New Year and I realized today that it is an absolute necessity that people not make resolutions this year.


Think about it – every year, people make the most typical and cliched resolutions they can find. “I’m going to find true love” and “I’m finally going to get in shape” are among the most annoying. Here are the worst, and here’s why:

I’m finally going to get in shape. 

This is sort of a selfish one because (to be quite honest), I’m getting sick and tired of people joining my gym in the first month or so of the year and clogging up my favorite machines. See that above? That’s me – enjoying the peace and quiet of the gym at the end of the year when everyone’s lost any semblance of giving a shit about their physical shape whilst shoveling bucketfuls of yams down their gullets. And anyway, by Valentine’s Day everyone that resolved to get in shape has then moved back into depression-binge eating when they inevitably have to suffer the misery of Table for One on the big day-o-love. So let’s just skip past the false attempts at making amends with our bodies and keep porking down the In ‘n’ Out four-by-fours through the New Years.

I’m going to help others in need more.

This usually means “I’m going to run a marathon” which is cool and all as a one-time thing (not too much more, though, says the world’s leading cardiologists…), although since everyone and their stupid assed mother is running a marathon now, it’s like everyone’s also got their hands out trying to pressure you into making some kind of a donation to their cause. There are so many ways that you can help others in need than just running a marathon though (which, by the way – many times is done through a training program that requires donations and has a considerable “off the top” administrative fee those donations go towards…). My point is that by March of every year, I’m inundated with donation requests from friends running in an event to help X cause and it makes me not want to ever talk to them again – not because I don’t want to donate, but because I can only donate so much. The other annoying as shit aspect of the “help others more” resolution is in the “help others more and by ‘help others more’ I mean playing stupid fucking Facebook awareness games, like ‘post the color of your bra’ or ‘change your profile picture to your favorite cartoon character.'” Posting those “blaa blaa blaa guilt guilt blaa blaa 98% of you won’t repost” things doesn’t do shit either.

I am going to get a better education, dammit !! !!! !!

Unless you are willing to give up your LOLs, your OMGs, and your incessant refusal to use your punctuation properly (OMG !!), save your fucking money.

Thanks for giving me nightmares,

Next year, that chick is resolving to finally get herself a man.

Good luck, sweetheart. But seriously – this is probably the most unrealistic of the New Years Resolutions – the “I’m going to get a relationship.” It’s completely unrealistic because of the lack of control each person has in actually accomplishing it. A resolution is supposed to be something that you can control – something you can actually “get.” Now, you can control things like whether you let your body hair go wild (note: I photoshopped the hair off my own legs in my workout photo above …); you can control the removal of unsightly warts and sebaceous cysts that look akin to something like a conjoined twin. You cannot control whether all your fancy-pants dolling up is going to result in a relationship. You can control your mouth (unless, of course, you are me); you cannot control whether you will meet someone that likes you for who you really are. It’s about the right time and place, in the exact situation and the emotional maturity that is on par with the other person. Relationships are not something you just “get.”

So am I going to make a resolution anyway and be a total douche-face of an hypocrite? No. No I’m not.

That’s a lie. I actually am. I’m a total hypocrite, I know. What is it you ask? Not something you’ll find on the United States Government’s list of “popular resolutions” (why the shit is our government spending time categorizing these lists?). And not something that I’m doing for any of those bull shit reasons listed above, either.

I’m resolving to drink more chocolate milk. I joke not, faithful blog followers – it’s just so tasty. I’m thinking of going the Fat Free Ovaltine route.

Hey you know what you should resolve to do? Fan my blog on Facebook. I’m starting to feel tears well up in the back of my eyes at the thought of not achieving my by-30 goal of 100 fans. Please …?