All The Possible Reasons Everyone’s So Ungrateful All Of A Sudden

Does anyone remember when people used to do that super annoying Facebook status thing, where they’d post a daily thing they’re thankful for every day in the month of November, leading up to Thanksgiving? If you aren’t from America, perhaps you’ve been spared this glad-handed way of humble-bragging that people used to do. You, dear international…

Countdown to Christmas… How To Wrap Gifts

I hate the holidays. I mean, I think we’ve established that I hate pretty much everything. And everyone. And myself. But I really fucking hate the holidays. Some of you may or may not have been around here long enough to know all the fun details of my relationship with my mother. In a nutshell:…

I Like The Cold

People always look at me like I’m a complete moron when I tell them that I like the cold. As in cold outside, you know: snow, sleet, wind chill. I get jealous when I see that there are blizzards going on somewhere in the world. I live in California. Particularly, Southern California. We have one…

My Christmas Wish List This Year

I wonder if I just became as obnoxious as Home Depot putting out their fucking Christmas decorations in July; or Target playing Christmas music in October. You know that Black Friday actually begins for many stores at 7 pm on Thanksgiving DAY, now, too. Retailers are literally ramming Christmas up our asses. In the interest…

Countdown to Thanksgiving Day 7: I Hate You All

Here we go. I woke up this morning at 5 o’clock. I had no reason to, other than that I was so angry even my dreams didn’t want to be near me. It’s finally here: Heather’s Holiday Hostility. This happens every year. For one, I hate the fucking holidays. They’re full of greed, gluttony, and…

6 Halloween Indulgences

There are exactly two weeks left until Halloween. That can mean one thing and one thing only for this lady: Halloween indulgences. So Halloween is the kick start of the holiday season, it seems. After that it’s like a landslide to New Years. But the one thing that’s different for me than most other people…

Mrs. Claus Likes Her Whiskey Sour

Today when we went on our annual trip to get a photograph with Santa Claus at the mall, I realized that this is the last year we’ll be making such a pilgrimage. When we got there, I was quickly reminded of last year’s experience where Santa Claus continued to stumble around, making it apparently clear…

Snarksgiving: My Holiday in Photos

Well, faithful blog followers, Thanksgiving is over but the fun has just begun.  Soon people will be trampling each other for Christmas deals and ringing in the New Year with booze and a stomach pump.  I’m sure on this Thanksgiving, everyone had a wonderfully glutinous holiday filled with 3000+ calories.  I, however, did not.  Holidays…