Countdown to Christmas…Christmas Cards

Let us not beat around the dick on this one: the only (and I mean only) reason why I send out Christmas cards (on the rare occasion that I do) is because I feel an obligation to do so. Not because I enjoy spreading holiday cheer. Not because I get gads of cards in the…

Countdown to Christmas… How To Wrap Gifts

I hate the holidays. I mean, I think we’ve established that I hate pretty much everything. And everyone. And myself. But I really fucking hate the holidays. Some of you may or may not have been around here long enough to know all the fun details of my relationship with my mother. In a nutshell:…

Why Can’t I Be A Parent With A Lot Of Time On My Hands?

There are a couple of things going around the Facebook these days and I don’t like them. Not one bit. One is about these parents of boys that make their action figure dinosaurs “get into trouble” every night in the month of November. I’ve had like five friends share it in the last day. Sometimes…

I May Shop On Thanksgiving

How many friends will I lose over this one? What kind of a backlash will I receive by people that have followed my blog for years? Don’t know. Don’t care. Seriously – don’t wear underwear. You see the thing is, I may shop on Thanksgiving. And I’m getting sick and goddamned tired of hearing about…

To All You Jerks Looking For Something To Be Thankful For…

In the previous two years, I’ve made it sort of a tradition to talk crap about people that do that daily thankful post on Facebook. See post one here… See post two here… It always goes the same (the posts on Facebook): Day 1 Then by a week in, Day 7 Somewhere around Thanksgiving, they’ve…

My Christmas Wish List This Year

I wonder if I just became as obnoxious as Home Depot putting out their fucking Christmas decorations in July; or Target playing Christmas music in October. You know that Black Friday actually begins for many stores at 7 pm on Thanksgiving DAY, now, too. Retailers are literally ramming Christmas up our asses. In the interest…

How This Halloween Has Taught Me to Be Less Of An Overachiever

For the last couple of weeks, I have been totally not feeling it with Halloween. This isn’t normal for me. I’m not like one of those weirdos that obsesses over it all year long, and spends more time and money on decorations and shit than the month’s rent. But I’m still usually pretty gung-ho about…