humor blog | Heather Christena Schmidt

It’s Time To Say Good-bye

February 1, 2014 by Heather Christena Schmidt

Well, it isn’t really time to say good-bye. Not completely at least. Sorry, this isn’t actually as dramatic as I made that sound. You guys don’t trust me anymore, do you? We have a piece of business long overdue to take care of, here on the blog. I apologize for the seriousness of this post; but I promise I will can it with all these dramatics as soon as I’m done, and get back to my foul-mouthed diatribes first thing […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: bitch, bitchlog, blog, blog changes, blogging, comedy, humor, humor blog, life, lifestyle, mom blog, moms, my mom's a bitch, satire, social commentary, write, writer, writes, writing

STFU Fridays: Inside Jokes

April 5, 2013 by Heather Christena Schmidt

Seriously. Who over the age of five calls something an ‘inside joke?’ I’ll tell you who: Motherfucking douches Motherfucking morons Motherfucking elitists Motherfucking hipsters I am sure there are more, and if you refer to things as an ‘inside joke,’ please excuse my bluntness when I say: it’s about time you shut the fuck up. When my husband and I first started dating, we went on this double-date kind of night with the friend that set us up and another […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: comedy, humor, humor blog, inside jokes, jokes, satire, shut the fuck up fridays, social commentary, society, stfu, STFU Fridays, stupid people

Has the Blogosphere Become High School All Over Again?

March 24, 2013 by Heather Christena Schmidt

Short answer: YES. Long answer: I wrote a blog about six months ago called “Are Bloggers Becoming Mean Girls?” In it I argued against the notion that bloggers are cliquey. I had seen some bloggers complaining about how they couldn’t seem to “break in” to the mom blog, and other blog community, cliques, and for this they felt a great injustice. In the post, I started by saying: In high school, I hated the cliques. Now when I think of […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: blogging, blogging etiquette, blogosphere, blogs, comedy blog, etiquette, gossip, high school, humor blog, life, lifestyle, Mom Blogs, random commentary, random post, social commentary, write, writers, writing

Well, now I’m one of those pageant people…

September 10, 2012 by Heather Christena Schmidt

I’m not sure how this happened. I’ve never really been a fan of pageants. You know those moms dress their little toddlers up like painted whores and prance them around, getting them to act like little, miniature adults and shit. Not for me. I also don’t usually dig reality TV pageantry – you know America’s Next Top Model, those chef shows, all the singing ones. I’m not sure why, I just sometimes think that people should stop trying to be […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: beauty pageants, blog, blogging, blogging contest entries, blogging contests, comedy, comedy blog, humor, humor blog, mom, mom blog, parenting, random post, writing

The Winner and My Winner

July 5, 2012 by Heather Christena Schmidt

Two orders of business I did not include in my previous blog post, oh faithful blog followers. (By the way, if you are so faithful you should perhaps consider “liking” my blog’s page on Facebook, and sharing. I share back like that hooker you met in Vegas shared her venereal disease)!! The Winner You people remember how I had a giveaway? Yeah, you know that one for a $25 iTunes gift card that only required you comment with what you […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: comedy, contest results, giveaway, humor, humor blog, jokes, life, lifestyle, satire

Lessons on Being Cool From the 22 Year Old Verizon Employees At Chuck E Cheese

May 23, 2012 by Heather Christena Schmidt

So I was at Chuck E. Cheese today, and as if I wasn’t already getting my daily dose of “hell on Earth” just by being there, a pack of about a dozen young adults came sauntering in, where there was a party table set up for them right in front of the stage with the animatronic characters singing Rock the Casbah. Being the nosy-ass lady that I am, and bored out of my fucking mind while waiting for the 10 billion […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: Chuck E Cheese, comedy, comedy blog, company parties, cool, coolness, dark comedy, dark humor, dark satire, humor, humor blog, ironic, irony, laughs, life, lifestyle, OfficeSpace, party places, random event, random events, random humor, random post, random thoughts, satire, Verizon employees

This B(itch) is giving away something free…

May 23, 2012 by Heather Christena Schmidt

That’s right, I’m having a giveaway … not a big one, but one nonetheless. Share this and my blog with your friends for a chance to win a $25 iTunes gift card. It’s really easy to enter and no purchases are required. Giveaway ends June 30th, 2012 … and all you have to do to enter is leave a comment on this post! But it can’t be that simple, can it? No, it isn’t. 1. You must comment on this […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: blog giveaways, blog posts, blog promotion, blogs, comedy blog, contests, free stuff, giveaways, humor blog, iTunes, misanthrope

The Banana Blower’s Baldness and a Chicken-peddling Crackhead: a Korean Hooker Hostage Update

March 1, 2012 by Heather Christena Schmidt

That’s right, faithful blog followers, the Korean Hooker Hostage bizarro nail salon experiences have returned. For a month or so, I’ve been thinking that things may have turned back to normal and the weird, fucked up goings-on had officially come to an end. I was wrong. More wrong than I’ve ever been. Clearly, normal for this nail salon is a bunch of crazy and seemingly unexplainable shit at once. Tawdry One Now Has Bangs … and a bald spot The […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: comedy, comedy blog, humor, humor blog, nail salon, nail salon humor, nail salons, random events, random post, random things, random thoughts, satire, silly

New Years Countdown Series, Day 0: 12 Confessions

January 1, 2012 by Heather Christena Schmidt

This post has sadly been removed due to publication and copyright laws. You can still read it, though, by buying B(itch) Against the World for unlimited viewing, plus more great and new posts from 2011. And it’s only $2.99! Click the picture of the cover for more details!

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: comedy, comedy blog, confessions blog, Holidays, humor, humor blog, New years, New Years Day, New Years Eve, random post, random thoughts, satire

Heather Christena Schmidt

I like my dogs. My kids? Not so much.

Tag: humor blog