Tag: jokes

STFU Fridays: Did you know I’m 25 again?

Hah! I fucking wish! If I were 25 I’d be young, spry, and free of my four gray hairs. I would slap the shit out of myself for being so naive and idealistic about the world and politics and how great society is too. (And I’d probably save myself the

I Think I Have An Obsession With Balls

Balls on a stick, covered in frosting and sprinkles. Balls mixed with egg and simmered in cranberry sauce for a few hours. Balls made out of cheese and chutney, rolled in a variety of nuts and miscellaneous hanging fruit. Balls drizzled in caramel and covered in – big surprise –

Probe Me, Alien Life Form … Probe Me

I wrote a post quite a few years ago about reasons I’d want to be abducted by aliens, but then deleted it after some creepy Internet trolls commented that they were whacking off to the thought of me getting anally probed by an alien life form. Well, now I say:

How Being a Parent Is Much Like Being In a Mental Institute

The other day we watched Girl, Interrupted. I always have mixed feelings about that movie. On one hand, it’s a cute and yet offbeat coming of age story. On another hand, it isn’t too terribly realistic in the interest of giving the characters more leeway to move the story along.

9 Things I’d Rather Do Than Eat Something Made Out of Whole Wheat Flour

This morning I went to the kitchen to make breakfast. I haven’t been grocery shopping in quite a few days, though, so the options were sparse. There were no eggs left, after I baked a double batch of cupcakes for an old professor’s surprise party last night. There was no

The Winner and My Winner

Two orders of business I did not include in my previous blog post, oh faithful blog followers. (By the way, if you are so faithful you should perhaps consider “liking” my blog’s page on Facebook, and sharing. I share back like that hooker you met in Vegas shared her venereal

Both My Pants and My Brain Are On Fire

When I was in college and worked at a pharmacy as a pharmacy technician, I came to work one day with what was clearly a bladder infection. I had been working like crazy, both at school and in the pharmacy, and genuinely not taking care myself – so it was

My Menstrual Hut

Yes, I am going there faithful blog followers. If you are a man easily turned off by all things feminine, get over it – this isn’t about stuff like uteruses and tampon tips. And this most certainly is not a series of gripes about being a woman. A few days

Pigslob Trailer Park Queen

So when my Trailer Trash Mom showed up the other day for the impromptu garage sale and lemonade stand (you know, the one where she used a Poise Pantyshields box to display her coffee mugs for sale), she got wind of the fact that my father was out of town

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