STFU Fridays: “Who Cares” About Kimye

There are two camps of people in this world: those that shout “who cares?” to all-things Kardashian, and those that stand in line for a couple of hours to ask acne-ridden Khloe for her autograph at a Laker game.

I’ve blogged about these people before, and I’m fairly certain that I said a number of times in there that I don’t care. The truth is, as far as my personal life and day-to-day interactions go, the Kardashians don’t even exist in my mind. I don’t wake up in the morning and check up on the buzz over what Scott and Kourtney have been up to. I don’t try to dress like Kim, or do keg stands like Kris. And I certainly do not – never ever EVER – watch their show(s).

Whenever I see articles about the Kardashians, though, I always notice something in the comments. There is always an unprecedented number of people shouting through the Internet – screaming from behind their computers – the same line over and over again: who cares? Who cares about these media whores? Ignore them and they’ll go away, they say. I have more important things to worry about, they argue.

Who cares?

Well today, in spite of the fact that the Kardashians and all of their sordid affairs have no bearing on my life whatsoever; today, in spite of the fact that I too don’t care – I am here to tell all of those people that said “who cares” to the news and the updates of the Kimye wedding to shut the fuck up. You guys have ignored them and “who cares”ed them long enough and it’s not made them go away. In fact, it looks like it’s just made them worse.

Many Things About Kim and Kanye’s Wedding Last Weekend Were – Arguably – Beyond Wasteful. Who Cares? Shut the Fuck Up.

When I read an article this morning with some of the sordid details of the Kimye wedding last weekend, I felt like my brain had been run through a cheese grater repeatedly over some of the stupidity and rampant wastefulness the event represented.

Reportedly, before the ceremony, Kanye didn’t like the most expensive sound system available, which was the sound system they had ordered. He didn’t like the speakers, I guess. He said they were too big. So he demanded that the entire thing be removed and used an iPod until a replacement sound system was brought in.

The money that was wasted on that set up, that Kanye argued went against his “minimalist style,” could have rather been – oh I don’t know – donated to a good cause. As an example, that money could have fed roughly 1500 children currently starving in Sudan, three meals a day, for the next full year.

Now I’m sure that all of the Kardashians and their offshoots, the Kanyes and all the other celebutants of the world give to charity. In some way. But just think about the wastefulness; how much the wastefulness could be that much more.

Honestly, I don’t even know where to go on; in fact, there was so much excess and wasting at the Kimye wedding that I don’t have the word count space to continue. I will say, though, that the golden toilet tower, the disposable marble dining tables with guest names etched into them, and the use of cranes to go to a higher area of the hill the chateau sits upon could have easily fed another couple thousand children – almost anywhere in the world.

And the headless marble statues. Oh, the headless marble statues. Four days before the wedding, Kimye reportedly ordered 30 nude marble statues to be put around the reception area. Somehow, though, only 10 of them made it up the hill, all of whom lost their heads in transit. Headless nude statues to adorn the reception area, and by the way the average cost of that failed endeavor could have clothed between 60 and 70 homeless families of four in the United States, for an entire year.

Spoiled Children and Total Direspect. Shut the Fuck Up.

Reportedly, Andrea Bocelli – arguably the world’s most famous and respected opera singer – sang during Kim’s processional. Afterwards, they had no seat for him to stay.

The Smith family was there too, with none other than little Jaden. I recently saw a meme that suggested a comeback/spin off of Fresh Prince, where Will Smith sends his spoiled kid to Phillie to learn to be less of a douche. I thought ‘little Jaden? Oh come now…”

Little Jaden wore a white Batman costume to Kimye’s wedding. For a couple hours, he even ran around the place knocking over and smashing glasses to the ground, and throwing his cape over people’s heads.

Who cares? If these people don’t have respect, no one will ever be able to change that? Shut the fuck up.

Kim Had a Crotch Dot, Went On A Rampage, and Turned Off the Power Leaving Everyone Inside the Golden Toilet Tower To Poop In the Dark. Who Cares? Shut the Fuck Up.

I guess at the reception a light beam was shining on Kim’s crotch. She went nuts and unplugged all the lights on the dance floor, which the golden toilet tower was positioned to the side of. So it went black inside the golden toilet tower, and rather than tell Kim that she was going a little overboard over a crotch dot, everyone cowered in fear and just peed in the dark.

Sound absurd? It sounds like a massive cluster fuck of diva mixed with narcissism mixed with – who cares!

Well I care, quite frankly because so many people followed the Kimye wedding on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and other social media news outlets this past weekend and following week that they broke records. Are you people with me? They broke social media records. THAT means that enough people – in spite of all the who cares, and what does this have to do with mes, that show up in the comments – a lot of people are paying attention.

More than anyone in that Kardashian-loving demographic are: kids. Teenagers. College kids. In other words, by not caring and choosing to be better than paying attention to any of these whorish, diva antics of the family that loves to drink and drama, we are letting the people who care learn from them. Next thing you know you’re daughter is getting married and a light beam shines on her crotch, so she takes the example her fave celebrities did and throws a narcissistic temper tantrum, only rather than cower in fear your guests flip the fuck out. Your boss is there, you get fired from you job. Friends never return your calls. Family disowns you.

That may be a little bit of an over exaggeration, but what I’m trying to say seems pretty clear. By choosing to ignore these antics, and by not speaking up, we are allowing these shitty people to dictate how our kids are going to act. Who cares? Why aren’t people caring enough to stand up and say that these people have a serious problem?  This sounds like the old story of Polly, who got raped and stabbed in a New York alley whilst apartment dwellers looked on and just didn’t want to get involved to speak up and speak out.

Why aren’t people standing up and saying why they don’t care?

I think maybe instead of telling people to shut the fuck up, what I’m really doing is telling them to speak the fuck out. Speak out against this Kardashian bullshit. Between their over the top antics, their wasteful spending, and their negative contribution to the world as narcissistic divas who have brains in their assholes – it’s time for people to stop talking shit and start doing something.

Like try to find out how many children in Sudan the Kardashians fed last year with their gobs of money that they have no problem throwing around and wasting.

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Can I Have Your Autograph?

When my husband and I first got married, his bosses gave us a pair of their season tickets to a Lakers game. Sure, I fucking hate the Lakers and anything-Los Angeles, but they were two rows behind court-side, so I figured – what the hell?

What they failed to tell us was that their tickets were seated directly behind those idiotic Kardashian whore-faces. This was when Lamar was still on the team, so the whole time we had to sit there and listen to the mom, Khloe, and one of the pig bitch teenage twins talk on their fucking cellphones about how much they hated basketball. It was horrible, only made worse when Khloe fanned her nappy hair out and spilled dandruff into my goddamned nachos.

So during the halftime, they had a security guard set up right there to stop people from coming down, although once Mother Hubbard and the Pig Bitch left, Khloe allowed her fans to come ask for autographs. The number of desperate and pathetic young women that approached the overweight, acne-ridden, dandruff-fanning cow was astounding.

There are few celebrities that I despise more than her after that whole dandruff incident. And while I would offer to have Derrick Rose’s babies while asking him for a signature, I would never ask these celebutants for anything other than to get out of my way. Here they are, in no particular order:

#1 The Queen Pig Bitch: Kimmie Kardash

This woman’s ass is so fucking horrifying. Sometimes when I see the emphasis placed on it in photos or magazines, I feel like asking her fan club if it’s got it’s own zip code. And now someone has allowed her to breed? Yeah, let’s see how fucked up that kid comes out. It’ll have a big ass, be just as much of a pig bitch as the rest of those Kardashians, and will likely carry itself with the shameless sense of entitlement the entire family has.

kim-kardashian-fail

#2 The Walking STD: the Biebs

I don’t mean to imply that Justin Bieber is a slut or anything, but I do sometimes wonder about a 17 year old that let the papparazzi photograph him dry-humping his girlfriend on a beach in Hawaii. Two years later, the Biebs has turned 19 and in celebration, the media has made his news story about said birthday more popular and of importance than the country’s fiscal crisis. Worse, Justin apparently has spat in the face of all fashion sense at this point, because he’s walking around with no shirt on, wearing tight blue pants, with his ass hanging so far out, if you look close enough you can probably see his teeny-weiney hanging down.

reg_634.JBeiber.ms.022813_copy

#3 Shit-faced Stewart

Something that really irks me every time I see Kristin Stewart is that she always looks like ever-living shit. And yet still ghads of teenage boys and middle-aged lesbians are wanking off to her nightly. I look like shit all the time and you don’t see people wanking to my illustrious debacle of an appearance! She doesn’t just look like shit, though – Kristen Stewart has got to have the worst attitude on the entire planet. She’s always bored. She’s constantly agitated. And her hair looks like it hasn’t been washed in forever.

kristen-stewart-annoyed

Those are my big three. Do you have any celebrities you can’t stand? Or do you salivate at the sight of any of them? The big thing for me (I think) is that I don’t watch much TV and am particularly unimpressed by stardom. Or maybe it’s because I live near Hollywood – the land of the fruits, nuts, and celebrity weirdos.

The Kardashians

Am I the only person on the planet that isn’t a fan of the Kardashians?  I mean, it’s cool to say they’re overindulgent whorelets and all … but in the end, most of the people that claim to hate them watch more of their shows than anyone else.  When I say “not a fan,” I mean really not a fan.

I’m not entirely sure why I don’t like them (except of the fact that I don’t really like many people … or things ……).  They are just typical Californians:  self-indulgent, promiscuous, loose-moralled, foul-mouthed, and obsessed with being as trendy as possible.

Possibly it’s because about a year ago we sat behind them at a Lakers game and I got the real inside scoop (so to speak) of their regular activities.  I’m not a Laker fan, in fact I hate them (BULLS!); so obviously I was more interested in what was going on around us than the actual game.  While Khloe seemed more devoted to her man than hob-knobbing like her mom was, I think that all of them put their phones away for all of thirty seconds on the entire game clock.  Having never watched their shows, I was also pretty surprised to learn that Kris is super nosy in the matters of her adult children’s lives – every time one was texting or Facebooking, she was (literally) leaning over their shoulders reading what was being said.  The only thing that really reeked through the entire experience, which might have lead to my general dislike of them, was that Khloe kept brushing her nappy, dandruffy hair at me (we were sitting directly behind them in small folding chairs).  At one point some of her hair wound up in my nachos.

And have any of you ever heard that retarded song Kim did on auto-tune?  It’s astonishing how horribly that girl sings, and auto-tune did little to help it.  Probably this has a big part in my general disdain for the family of excess; although, not for the reason you’d think.  I don’t care all that much that another crappy song was released .. this happens every day.  What I care about is that these girls have become so insanely popular that even their crappy songs are inspiring massive levels of stupidity, like these broads (who have made their own music video to Jam (Turn It Up)):

I also wonder if it has anything to do with just how much the three sisters (Khloe, Kourtney, and Kim) are plastered all over the place.  On billboards in LA, on magazines in the grocery store, everywhere on TV, all over my Google News even.  I can’t even go to the mall without being forced to look at the ads for their ridiculous new underwear line at Sears.  (And the thing that shocks me about that is the fact that Sears is so below their typical fashion senses.)  They are just everywhere:  but why?

I still cannot even really figure out what these people have done to be as famous as they are.  It’s as though they are famous just because they were famous; or famous for being so famous.  In any event, I don’t care about Kim’s wedding footage on E!, just as I could give two shits about who is having a baby and what that poor child of Kourtney and Scott is up to.  You have to really question what is with our culture that we obsess over the lives of people that have absolutely no idea any of us exist.

But then I could just be doing the cool thing … hating on the Kardashians while secretly waiting for the show to come on…

Duckface VERSUS Fat Tongue

There are always going to be trends that come and go, usually propelled (and expired) by the 15 – 32 age group.  Sometimes kids a little younger catch on and people say what kind of parents allow that?, just as occasionally people a little older join the fun, only to be thought of as faking it.  I’m not talking about trends in language, like the use of text lingo in normal communication, though (what my usual rants are about).  No, I almost wish I were, for what I’m talking about, here, is much worse.  I’m talking about trends that are meant to make the 15 – 32ers look sexy.  Fashion trends, photo trends – whatever you want to call them.  They’re annoying and, in some cases, disgusting.

This year, my top four most hated “look at me, I’m too hot to trot” trends are (in no particular order):

That Whitish-Peach-Colored Super Shiny Lipgloss

The Kim Kardashian Orange-Skin-Special

Photo credit UK Big Pictures

The I’m-So-HOT Duckface

and, of course, the newcomer on the scene, Fat Tongue

What about any of these trends screams “I’m hot?”  It’s as if gads of young women (and in many cases, men) really believe that sticking their disgusting, often unclean, tongues out like dead animals is sexy; or as if globbing on pounds of that whitish-peach lip gloss makes their orange skin even more attractive.

I’ve got news for you, ladies.  You look horrible.  Your lip gloss looks like you’ve either eaten one too many powdered doughnuts, or have been snorting way too much cocaine.  Your tongue makes me want to vomit, and your orange skin makes me sad that you don’t realize how stupid you look.  And your duckface … well, the stupidity of your duckface should be self-evident, and yet months after the inception of antiduckface.com (a site devoted to mocking the photo trend), new posts continue to show up daily.

Fortunately, I am still in the 15 – 32 age range, but I would never lower myself to such attention-getting tactics as these.  The people that do this look ignorant, disgusting, and, to be blunt, like skanks.  Ladies, you need to get some self-respect; to recognize that your photograph is beautiful without your lips puckered out so far you look like you’ve had a bad case of botox.  Let’s set a new standard of sexy and stop taking photo, after photo, after photo, for future generations to wonder just what in the hell we were thinking.

Which facial expression do you think is more hideous, vote now!

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