Porking My Way To My Past

Okay, before you all get your panties in a bunch over the fact that I used the term “porking” in the title of this blog, consider first what I do not mean. For one, if you were thinking I meant I was going to “pork” all kinds of people from my past, that’s obviously not…

Profile of a Douche

By douche, I of course mean a member of the male persuasion who has a natural propensity to being an asshole.  I do not mean that thing you irrigate parts of your body with, like that Summers Eve bottle I once got caught hiding under my bed, after stealing it from my mom to see…

What It Implies When You Have No Profile Picture

DISCLAIMER:  This post is sure to offend anyone and everyone, and quite frankly I don’t care.  I’ve been storing this one in the deepest, darkest caverns of my brain for quite a while now and it has to get out. We’ve all seen this.  Many of us may even have a contact with this for…

I’m a loser, baby

If you’re like me, any thought of the 90s is immediately accompanied by a music flashback to Beck’s Loser.  I have many-a-fond memories of kicking back in high school and loving Beck more than life, itself.  Like many other teens during the dawn of teen angst, that song was my battle cry; and very likely,…

The World Does Not Stop…

I’m not quite sure why this has happened, but more and more it seems that people have this weird idea that the world stops just because [fill in the blank] has happened to them.  To be honest (and I’m sure this will annoy some of you closest to me), it really makes me pause and…

What I will do if your kid screams in my face or hits me again …

Long title, eh?  Almost as long as my day. Today was another one of marathon activities:  swim class, bubble baths, errands, art classes, and a puppet show at the library.  All these activities, of course, meant being around a lot of little, screaming children.  Now, I’m all for kids having a good time, and I…

Dear Grocery Store Lady,

The following is an open letter to that annoying bitch that is always at the grocery store when I am there.  She occasionally is old, sometimes young; she always pisses me off.  If you are her, please take note. Dear Grocery Store Lady, Our unfortunate acquaintance began each time you cut me off while I…

SHUT UP

Sorry, that’s a bit bold, but I really think there are a lot of people that just need to hear that.  SHUT UP.   In all seriousness, here’s the deal:  there is so much self-centeredness going on in this world that I’m starting to feel like my head is going to explode from the inside-out….

Birthers

The origins of mankind trace back millions of years.  Millions.  Since the Industrial Revolution, the world population has boomed exponentially.  Today, it is estimated that nearly every minute, another human being is brought into this world.  So for all of you birthers out there, it’s time that you accept a truly undeniable fact: You are…