10 Reasons To Never Leave the House in 2016

I am a homebody. That’s putting it nicely. I go out so infrequently that I went almost a year before needing an oil change in my car, based on mileage. I go out so infrequently that I forgot I owned regular pants. I go out so infrequently that I often wonder if I might be becoming…

Countdown to 2016, Part Two: Do Not Resolve To Clean More

I have a housekeeper, and I am not ashamed to admit it. I used to be ashamed to admit it. People would say in the whiniest voice imaginable: “why don’t you just clean it yourself, I do!” Or: “I just couldn’t trust someone else to do my job.” And then I’d feel as though I…

Countdown to 2016, Part One: Do Not Resolve To Juice Cleanse

New Year’s Resolutions are among the most irritating things to hear people talk about. Not only do very few people actually follow through on them, but it speaks of a particular type of sadness that there are those who legitimately need a holiday to do things they should already be doing.   The conspiracy theorist…

I AM VERY ANGRY ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT LOSS CAMPAIGN!

… SO ANGRY THAT I HAVE TO SCREAM IN CAPITAL LETTERS OVER THE INTERNET! Whew! That made me feel better. Now back to topic: It’s the new year. 2014. Yippity frackin’ do. I’m so excited to see all the people join gyms and post their run keeper status updates on Facebook. I can’t wait to…

My Complete List of (Planned) 2013 Failures

Do you like setting yourself up for failure? I sure know I do. I used to think that if I never tried at anything, then I would never fail. Then I realized that never trying was in a sense failing too, so I started trying but realized that if I were to succeed then I…

New Years Countdown Series, Day 2: a Resolution You SHOULD Make

Actually there are really TWO resolutions you should make, the first and very real being more generosity to the poor. The world economy is in a shit-tank, with over 80% of the world’s population living on far less than $10 a day. Only 20% of homeless people in the United States are actually mentally ill…

New Years Countdown Series, Day 4: Resolution a’Don’t Do It

We’re four days to the New Year and I realized today that it is an absolute necessity that people not make resolutions this year. Seriously. Think about it – every year, people make the most typical and cliched resolutions they can find. “I’m going to find true love” and “I’m finally going to get in…