I Hope You All Laugh Heartily About My Disastrous Long Weekend

I don’t even know why the fuck I called it a “long weekend.” It certainly was disastrous, but the concepts of weekend, or long weekend, are relatively foreign to me. My husband doesn’t get most federal holidays off. I mean, even when he does he’s usually answering text messages or emails or whatever about work…

My Neighbor and I Both Ate Our Emotions Today

My neighbor and I both ate our emotions today. Though, while mine was not exactly healthy, it wasn’t quite as horrifying as hers either. Before I get into that, I should first talk about the eating of emotions. We’ve all done it at one time or another. Some people do it often and don’t even…

Today Was A Strange Day, Indeed

Have you guys ever had a day that was just so bizarre it seemed like someone may have slipped some magic mushrooms into your lunch? We’re talking crazy strange – like out of this world strange; and it never happens like just one weird thing and then it’s all over. It’s like twenty weird things…

My Horrible Evening At Pukeplantation

Am I overwhelming you most faithful blog followers with too many posts? This is something like the fourth in two days, I’ve just really had a lot to say these past few days. I promise, I’ll slow down (maybe). Went to dinner this evening. Just me and Pookies, which meant that it ended up being…

My Conversation With Non-Hottie Maintenance Man

Big sigh full of bullshit, faithful blog followers. Big sigh of bullshit. So a few days ago we received a note on our front door. It read that the apartment complex is happy to announce they are participating in some energy efficiency program, and were therefore planning to come and install new lighting fixtures in…

Phineas and Ferb, and the Moon In My Pants

Somewhere between my pants ripping open in front of thousands of people at a children’s event this afternoon, and a horse almost hitting our car on the way home, this day got a little weird. I wasn’t at all surprised, though, when we finally got home after the longest day in history, to see that…

What, Exactly, Are Big Girl Panties?

Sometimes when I’m out to lunch with my dad, he’ll say something along the lines of: “yeez, Heather … you should probably stop woofing down those french fries like there’s no tomorrow, or you’ll have to upgrade to big girl panties.” The oddity that is our father-daughter repertoire aside, I always think of this when I…