PLEASE: No Outside Food, Turn Off Your Cellphones, Silence Your Assholes

Those of you that know me, or have been reading this blog for a while, know that I am not a fan of flatus jokes. You know what I’m talking … Continue reading PLEASE: No Outside Food, Turn Off Your Cellphones, Silence Your Assholes

I Hope You All Laugh Heartily About My Disastrous Long Weekend

I don’t even know why the fuck I called it a “long weekend.” It certainly was disastrous, but the concepts of weekend, or long weekend, are relatively foreign to me. … Continue reading I Hope You All Laugh Heartily About My Disastrous Long Weekend

My Neighbor and I Both Ate Our Emotions Today

My neighbor and I both ate our emotions today. Though, while mine was not exactly healthy, it wasn’t quite as horrifying as hers either. Before I get into that, I … Continue reading My Neighbor and I Both Ate Our Emotions Today

My Horrible Evening At Pukeplantation

Am I overwhelming you most faithful blog followers with too many posts? This is something like the fourth in two days, I’ve just really had a lot to say these … Continue reading My Horrible Evening At Pukeplantation

My Conversation With Non-Hottie Maintenance Man

Big sigh full of bullshit, faithful blog followers. Big sigh of bullshit. So a few days ago we received a note on our front door. It read that the apartment … Continue reading My Conversation With Non-Hottie Maintenance Man

Phineas and Ferb, and the Moon In My Pants

Somewhere between my pants ripping open in front of thousands of people at a children’s event this afternoon, and a horse almost hitting our car on the way home, this … Continue reading Phineas and Ferb, and the Moon In My Pants

Hottie Maintenance Man and My Trailer Trash Mom’s Crap Pants: A Love Story

Those of you that follow me on Twitter and Facebook (if you aren’t, well why the hell not?) have seen me bitching and griping all morning about how my mom … Continue reading Hottie Maintenance Man and My Trailer Trash Mom’s Crap Pants: A Love Story

What, Exactly, Are Big Girl Panties?

Sometimes when I’m out to lunch with my dad, he’ll say something along the lines of: “yeez, Heather … you should probably stop woofing down those french fries like there’s … Continue reading What, Exactly, Are Big Girl Panties?

STFU Fridays: Political Posters

I’m not sure if I’ve talked about political posters before, but we’re going to have a little elaboration today for STFU Fridays. I mean it seems only appropriate now that … Continue reading STFU Fridays: Political Posters

Did Somebody Say “Get Me Away From These Douchey Danes!”?

Let me start by refreshing everyone’s memory: My husband freaked out a little bit because I was sitting around crying being so kidless and fancy free, the Pookies being gone … Continue reading Did Somebody Say “Get Me Away From These Douchey Danes!”?

Did Somebody Say Aebleskiver Asylum?

Okay, I didn’t really have any aebleskivers; yet, of course. And I’m not in an asylum. But yesterday I started off my three day tour of this strange Danish town … Continue reading Did Somebody Say Aebleskiver Asylum?