Heather Christena Schmidt

Mom, first * Writer, second * Misanthrope, always

It’s cold and flu and cough season. I have had a cough for three weeks now. Obviously no longer at the point of being contagious, I have resumed regular life; although I still get dirty looks every time I hack or clear my throat in the grocery store. You see: most normal and reasonable people …

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I took down our Christmas decorations on Christmas Day. I’m not even kidding, you guys. I did. Even before the grandparents were out the door, after watching the kids open an ungodly amount of gifts, I was taking shit down. I’ve just had it with the clutter and the dust and, well, the holiday. I …

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Ugh. I am so sick and tired of people and their popular shit to be upset about on the Internet. Like really. As many of you know, Halloween was just a couple of days ago. I, personally, had a great Halloween. As in, I didn’t do shit. My kids dressed up in their annual themed …

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So I bought a Groupon last week for a local photographer. Let me start by saying that finding a photographer worth the money around here is tough. The good ones are all working in Los Angeles, taking headshots of Justin Bieber. Out here in the ‘burbs, we have a conglomerate of people either licensed and …

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There’s been a refreshing and, simultaneously, not-so-refreshing trend this last week or two on the Internet, and that is that people have stopped talking about the demise of American society ¬†and values as we knew them pre-Trump, and moved back to the ol’ getting offended at everything on the Internet. I say it’s refreshing because …

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For two weeks, now, I’ve had a shocking revelation rise to the surface of my brain at least once a day. I mean I’ll just be going about my business when suddenly it hits and I’m like OH MY GOD THIS IS REAL. Just now, I had it again. I was wrapping Christmas gifts, getting …

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Over the years, I have learned one thing that I hope I remember when I am older and my kids are older and have kids of their own: to keep my mouth shut. Don’t foist my opinion on them about how or what they are doing as a parent. Don’t make comments under my breath …

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