All The Possible Reasons Everyone’s So Ungrateful All Of A Sudden

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Does anyone remember when people used to do that super annoying Facebook status thing, where they’d post a daily thing they’re thankful for every day in the month of November, leading up to Thanksgiving?

If you aren’t from America, perhaps you’ve been spared this glad-handed way of humble-bragging that people used to do. You, dear international friends, were the real fortunate ones.

It went like this:

So and so person you are connected with on Facebook, whom you maybe passed once in the hallway while in high school over 15 years ago: “November 4th, Day 4…catching up as I missed days 2 and 3, but I am SO grateful for my wonderful family, my amazing husband, and my intelligence – without which I wouldn’t have all the career opportunities it has afforded me.”

I’m not kidding you people, so many of my Facebook “friends” would post some narcissistic nonsense about how smart they were or how talented God made them. I. Shit. You. Not. The rest of their days of gratitude were filled with all the other banal details of their lives, like their suburban homes, or their “married to my best friend” spouses. And, naturally, the month was capped off with a barrage of material possessions God has bestowed upon them.

Fucking gag, I know.

A few years ago, when it had reached a fever pitch – and anyone who’s anyone on Facebook was doing this – I wrote a blog post about it. And relentlessly made fun of people that did it on social media.

I also, for a while, posted daily things I was ungrateful for. Like famine and foreign wars, and Ebola and HIV. And homelessness in my own community, and the 33% of children in my own town that live in poverty. Naturally, they went over like a lead balloon.

As I sit here today, though, and realize that this little gratitude for one month of an entire year thing is over, I can only hope I played a part in the demise of this nationwide trend.

Failing my participation in taking down this atrocious behavior, I have a few other theories about why this November-exclusive-public-declaration-of-thankfulness came to a sudden and screeching halt. (And if you’re thinking that I have a lot of time on my hands to be coming up with these theories, you would be right.)

No one has any interest in feigning gratitude anymore.

Look. We all know that very few of us wake up in the morning, stretch, take a look around our surroundings, and then ponder all the wonderful things we have in life, and how thankful we are for having them.

Maybe you do it once in a while, but every day? Come on, you can’t play me for that much of a sucker.

There are a few reasons for this. One is that for most people there is no time to sit and ponder dick. Your alarm has been going off for going-on an hour, your kids are jumping on the bed, you have a meeting in 30 minutes, and your morning constitution is already making its way out the back door. No one (except obviously me) has time to sit around and think about anything anymore, which is a damn shame but it’s a product of the times we live in.

Another thing about this all is that as we grow older and the stressors of life start to wear us down, feigning gratitude for some bullshit like a big screen TV seems a little besides the point.

No one posts Facebook statuses that often anymore.

This is not to be confused with suggesting that no one uses Facebook anymore. I know it’s cool to hate social media, and to look down on people that use Facebook regularly; but let’s not beat around the dick here: a lot of people who claim to rarely be on Facebook can be seen as “online” or liking and commenting on shit from sun up to sun down.

That’s not the point anyway. People used to post status updates a lot. I still do, most of the time to make jokes about myself. But to even figure out how to describe a Facebook status update like I did above (So and so’s gratitude post from November 4th), I had to scroll through basically five day’s worth of Newfeed, for at least 15 minutes, and I still hadn’t even hit a status update yet – so said “fuck it” and winged it.

I don’t know about you guys, but my Newsfeed is all News, Blogs, baby photos ad nauseum, and cat and dog videos. Ain’t nobody got time to be posting the things they’re grateful for when there’s a mashup of Adelle’s Hello and someone’s cat leaning over a telephone.

People are grateful, but not for anything they’ll admit to.

Housing assistance. Food stamps. Therapists. Financial aid. Daycare because if you have to watch Calliou one more time you’re going to rip your ears off your head to avoid hearing that kid’s whiney fucking voice ever again.

Life’s rough, and the economy sucks. That doesn’t mean everyone wants to admit that their grateful for relief from it.

Like all Facebook trends, this one just died.

You know Facebook is all about the trends. For a while, during the holidays, it was this thankful daily post thing. Other trends have been: posting long statuses about how people with cancer never get a break from it and 98% of your friends won’t repost that message; sharing recipes and cute holiday crafts instead of recognizing the existence of Pinterest; and, those awareness games like changing your Facebook photo to a child cartoon character, or posting where you like to hang your purse vaguely – as if that will somehow raise awareness for your cause. I could go on, but I won’t…

The newest Facebook trend is to put a colored filter over your Facebook profile photo in support of whatever cause happens to be the thing of the month. When the United States Supreme Court legalized gay marriage through out the country, everyone’s picture had a rainbow over it. After the Paris attacks the other day, it was the French flag. Of course now cases against doing these types of things are starting to crop up, just as they did with the Facebook thankful posts…but you get the point.

Facebook is about the trends, and as all trends go they eventually die.

Don’t get me wrong guys: I’m glad to not see everyone’s daily posts glad-handing their wonderful lives filled with Starbucks coffee and nice cars. Everyone’s posts eventually derailed into that kind of bullshit, and it’s simply because at a point we run out of things to list being thankful for.

I’m not an advocate of being ungrateful for the things you have in your life. But what I am an advocate of is being realistic about the important and unimportant things out there. My husband has a job, and we have a roof over our heads. For those things, I am grateful. We have our health, and that’s wonderful too. Occasionally I’ll post something on social media making that gratitude clear, and I can do so without making a show of doing it every day for just one month of the year; and certainly without using the hashtag #blessed.

But now that no one is posting about what they are thankful for on social media anymore, I can’t help but wonder why.

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To All You Jerks Looking For Something To Be Thankful For…

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In the previous two years, I’ve made it sort of a tradition to talk crap about people that do that daily thankful post on Facebook.

See post one here…

See post two here…

It always goes the same (the posts on Facebook):

Day 1

Day1

Then by a week in, Day 7

Day2

Somewhere around Thanksgiving, they’ve run out of ideas, Day 20

Day3

And finally, of course, after all this gratuitous thankfulness, December returns everything to normal

Dec1

To quote my 90s self: gag me with a spoon.

Here’s the thing about these thankful posts: if you are thankful every day of the year, that’s awesome. You don’t have to post about it on Facebook to prove it; you can if you want to. Doing it just in November for the occasion of Thanksgiving, when you can’t even come up with things that you are sincerely and unselfishly thankful for, only to turn right around and return to being a blazing, ungrateful asshole every other day of the year … well, it stinks.

What stinks even more than that is how frequently people come to my blog looking for things to be thankful for, during the month of November.

As I said before, I’ve made it sort of a tradition to talk shit about those thankful posts over the last two years on this blog. That means that over the years, the more people have read and searched out the keywords used in those posts, the higher they’ve been indexed on Google.

Translation: a lot of friggin’ people are Googling “things to post thankful on Facebook” and landing on my blog as a result.

To All You Jerks Looking For Something To Be Thankful For …

Just. Fucking. Stop. It. NOW.

If you have to Google things to be thankful for, chances are you AREN’T ACTUALLY THANKFUL FOR THOSE THINGS.

If you cannot come up with shit that is original, real, unselfish, immaterial, and sincere, chances are you SHOULDN’T BE THANKFUL FOR THOSE THINGS.

If you need a month and a holiday, and a holiday that celebrates gluttony and the slaughtering and genocide of entire nations of innocent people at that, to remind yourself that you should be even the slightest bit grateful for the things you have in your life, chances are YOU’S A DICK.

Here’s the moral: we should all be grateful for what we have, every day of the year. Even if it isn’t much. Even if it’s a lot. It could all be gone in an instant, and it is usually the self-aggrandizing November Facebook thankful posters that don’t seem to realize that. If you want to do your little tradition of posting crap on Facebook you are thankful for, fine – by all means, it is your page. But be sincere about it. Don’t post thankfulness for things like your cellphones and your unmistakable talents in whatever you seem to think you are so talented at.

And for God’s sakes, jerks of the Internet: if you have to Google it, you have some major reevaluating of your lives to do that goes well beyond just finding things to post on Facebook.

STFU Fridays: “I’m Thankful For …” Facebook Posters

Ok, so after this week’s Shut the Fuck Up Fridays, I’m probably going to lose about 75% of my Facebook friends after they get a gander at this one. But hear me out before you all get your panties in a wad.

The Cliche “I’m Thankful For…” Facebook Posters

Are you one of those “I’m thankful for …” Facebook posters that never comes up with anything original beyond “friends,” “family,” “a roof over my head,” and other miscellaneous, hackneyed, and seemingly-cliche bullshit?

I have a friend who basically copies and pastes her “I’m thankful for…” Facebook posts each day from the year before. I imagine she has an Excel spreadsheet at home with what she posts for each day of the month leading up to Thanksgiving. And I have yet to see anything original. It’s always husband, house, health – that kind of crap. It’s OK to be thankful for those things, but for God’s sakes: the Internet is about finding things that are unique, not logging on and seeing all 346 of your friends posting “I am thankful for my family!”

In other words, put some thought into it!

So if you are one of these people; these cliche “I’m thankful for…” Facebook posters that cannot look beyond the basic things in life that you might have even an inkling of gratitude for – well, you can just shut the fuck up.

The Narcissistic “I’m Thankful For…” Facebook Posters

I mean generally speaking, the whole “I’m thankful for…” thing is a little self-centered to begin with. Facebook is bad enough with the self-centered posts about what we’re eating/doing/ watching/wearing/loving/experiencing; and every fucking person out there is always blathering on about how wonderful their lives are (as if they really can be that great). But then we have this “I’m thankful for…” thing in the month of November leading up to Thanksgiving, and we’re really hit with the hardcore narcissism.

Now I can’t say this is the case with all of the “I’m thankful for…” Facebook posters, but there are definitely a few out there that just use it as an opportunity to talk about themselves even more than they already do. “I’m thankful for … my great hair.” “I’m thankful for my husband’s hot ass.” “I’m thankful for the wonderful workers at Starbucks who always know just what my order is.” Blah blah blahbitty blah.

Do you know what I’m thankful for? People that are in Africa right now teaching children that would otherwise not be taught. Do you know what else I’m thankful for? Modern medicine for which many of us might not be here now if it weren’t for. I have a long list and none of it has to do with my hair or my husband or my coffee.

If you are one of these narcissistic “I’m thankful for…” Facebook posters; who doesn’t devote at least a few of your days to things outside of your wonderful sphere of life, well then you can just shut the fuck up too.

The “I Don’t Usually Do These Kinds of Things”

“I’m Thankful For…” Facebook Posters

These motherfuckers really get under my skin. They start every “I’m thankful for…” post with some bullshit about how they are jumping on the bandwagon even though they never usually do this chainletter-type Facebook game bullshit.

This one bitch that used to be on my Facebook (operative words: used to) would post every chain letter status update shit she could get her grubby hands on. She’d do the childhood molestation awareness month profile photo thing. She’d do the “I like it on the kitchen table” status update bullshit. She posted every meme and quote and stupid guilt tripping thing about it being brother’s week or mother’s week or sister’s week or “like if you love your daughter” day, and she posted every one of those stupid shit status updates about how 89% of people won’t repost it.

That bitch fucking always participated in that bullshit. But then every year she’d start every single one of her stupid fucking “I’m thankful for…” Facebook posts with “I don’t usually do these things, but I’ll jump on the thankful bandwagon anyway.”

If you are one of her, you need to for real shut the fuck up. Shut. The. Fuck. UP.

I’m hoping that I haven’t lost any of my Facebook friends over this post. I can only think of a few that I have actually told to shut the fuck up through the course of this STFU Friday. If you have to participate in this “I’m thankful for” Facebook post thing, that is in and of itself bad enough. I mean, why is it that people don’t express how thankful they are for the things they are thankful for at all times of the year? Why do they have to have a holiday to remind them to do so? Does this mean that the only time of year these people actually are grateful for the things they have in their piddly shit lives really is Thanksgiving-time? Well that’s the most pathetic thought on the state of human nature that I have had in a long time.

But I digress…

Regardless of all that, if you have to participate in them anyway, the least you could do is take heed to some simple guidelines. Don’t be cliche. Don’t be a narcissist. And for God’s sake, own up to the fact that you not only do do those kinds of things, but you fucking lap that shit up like I lap up every drop of wine when some splashes out of my glass. If you can’t avoid those three simple “I’m thankful for…” faux pas, well then you really just need to shut the fuck up.

Today I Am Thankful For…

Today I am thankful for … the “hide all status updates” feature in the Newsfeed portion of Facebook.

You know why?  Because every Tom, Dick, and Susan on my Facebook feed is doing this ridiculous Things I’m Thankful for status update bullshit every day in the month of November preceding Thanksgiving.  Here are some of the worst so far (and we’re only twelve days in):

Today I’m thankful for my wonderful husband, who is the best hubbie in the whole wide world!  (Ahem, please read my blog about why he is actually not…)

I’m starting this daily Things I’m Thankful For thing everyone’s doing, so today I am thankful for Facebook and how it makes it so easy for me to keep in contact with all my friends and family that I would otherwise never talk to!  (Ever hear of a telephone?)

For this the seventh day, I am thankful for Midol and modern medicine! LOL  (I’ll respond with an acronym, bitch:  T.M.I.)

You can get the point, faithful blog followers.  The majority of these are annoying, generic, and not something we all need to hear from everyone.  Of course you are thankful for your husband or you wouldn’t be married to him.  And obviously you are thankful for the ability to keep in touch with the people you love.  At this point I would pay right now for an original “Things I’m Thankful For”… really, I would.

But the real “point” is not how obnoxiously stupid these things everyone is thankful for are but that – as usual – everyone must have a holiday to tell them that they need to be or feel a certain way, rather than just doing it every day of the year.  Why can’t you just be thankful for what you are thankful for, when you are thankful for it?  Why can’t you remember to be thankful for those things you should be thankful for?  Why must you use Thanksgiving as an excuse to be thankful?  Why do you need an excuse?

I’m not down on people posting things on Facebook that they are thankful for.  I’m down on this vague and seemingly shallow attempt at being cute in the name of an impending holiday.  If you are truly thankful for those things in your life you mention – your husband, your Facebook, your Midol – then why not be thankful at a completely unpredictable and spontaneous time, instead of when everyone else is doing it?  At least then it will mean more.

Up next on the B(itch)Log you ask?  Why Thanksgiving is really about murdering and oppressing an entire group of people rather than being thankful we have each other.

Also, have you liked me on Facebook yet?  Hows about you do that right now… click here to get to the page and “like” it!