I Think I Finally Learned To Can’t Even

For the longest time, I had no idea in what context, exactly, I could say that I can’t even. Or, more precisely, in what context I could can’t even. Since, you know: to can’t even is to do something. It’s like a verb now. Just like because is a preposition to lead off a fragment;…

Probe Me, Alien Life Form … Probe Me

I wrote a post quite a few years ago about reasons I’d want to be abducted by aliens, but then deleted it after some creepy Internet trolls commented that they were whacking off to the thought of me getting anally probed by an alien life form. Well, now I say: whack away. I’m pretty sure…