wife | Heather Christena Schmidt

I Run a Tight Ship. Until I Don’t.

September 30, 2015 by Heather Christena Schmidt

I’m just going to say it: I have a major stick up my ass. It’s way up there, wedged somewhere in the deepest cavern of my innards. I like to call it “a raging case of OCD,” but sometimes I think it’s worse. I think I’m Type A. Although I’m not entirely certain what that means, so what do I know? I do know I have all of the signs… I run a tight ship. We have a schedule, a […]

Categories: Big Kids, Homeschooling, Mom Life, Uncategorized • Tags: comedy, home, homemaking, housewife, humor, life, lifestyle, Mom Life, organization, organized, personalities, running a home, satire, type a, wife, wife life

I Might As Well Move To Stepford At This Point

September 21, 2015 by Heather Christena Schmidt

Did any of you see the Stepford Wives movie? Either the first, or the second – if you didn’t, you really need to. It’s about a town called Stepford, where everyone acts so stereotypical in their gender roles you’d be crazy to not think something was up. As it turns out in the end (spoiler alert!) the men have basically turned the wives in to robots, or killed them and made robots of them (something like that). In the newer […]

Categories: California Lifestyle, Uncategorized • Tags: comedy, funny, gender roles, housewife, humor, life, lifestyle, Mom Life, satire, social commentary, step ford, wife, wife life

Buy My Book Now, Or Else My Next One Will Be About You

June 3, 2013 by Heather Christena Schmidt

Kidding. (Not kidding.) Okay you guys, my book was set to come out on Tuesday, June 4th. Tomorrow for me. Today at this point for some of you. Then I got an email today saying it would be delayed because of some bullshit on Amazon. I was so devastated. I threw myself around for about an hour. I asked tons of people for advice (because the Kindle and independent publisher DID have it available, so it would only be the […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: bitch, book promotion, book release, books, comedy, crass humor, funny, funny books, humor, jokes, life, lifestyle, Marriage, mom, mom blog, mom humor, mommy, moms, my wife, my wife's a bitch, new books, poor nick, satire, wife, wives

Three Signs He Isn’t Cheating On You

February 27, 2013 by Heather Christena Schmidt

A lot of people think my husband cheats on me. They have for a long time. I can tell with some, by the looks they give me. You know them: the looks of pity that this poor woman is just so stupid she doesn’t see what’s really going on. Others outright tell me. Sometimes my mom and her husband refer to Poor Nick as “that lying’ cheatin’ S.O.B.” and still other friends and family are more eloquent about it than […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: cheating, cheating husbands, cheating spouses, comedy, dark satire, housewife, humor, husband, husbands, infidelity, life, life together, marital issues, Marriage, monogamy, psychology, random list, random post, satire, wife

Screw Yourself Sideways, Spring Cleaning

January 30, 2013 by Heather Christena Schmidt

I’ve been spring cleaning for about a week. At first it was as it always is – like a new boyfriend. I was excited. My heart a’fluttered at the thought of trashing some of the crap we have and never use. The first night I couldn’t even get to sleep – the wheels in my brain were just turning and turning and turning over all the things I wanted to do. Now spring cleaning and I have reached a parting […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: cleaning, comedy, crass humor, dark comedy, dark satire, frodo baggins in the home, home, Home Projects, house, housecleaning, housewife, housewife life, humor, marital humor, marital issues, Marriage, projects, satire, spring, spring cleaning, wife

My Good Wife’s Guide

September 8, 2012 by Heather Christena Schmidt

So I finally broke down and did a video blog… not just any video blog, though – The Good Wife’s Guide for B(itch)es. Hope you enjoy!

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: blogging, comedy, funny, housewife, humor, life, lifestyle, Marriage, misanthropy, mom, mom blog, satire, video blog, wife

5 Reasons Housewives Are Losers

August 26, 2012 by Heather Christena Schmidt

So today I was just sitting here at home, worrying about what kind of cupcakes to bake for my book club Tuesday night, when I logged onto Facebook and saw that one of my friends had attended a Housewife Party last night. Have any of you faithful blog followers heard of these? It’s not like a Tupperware party or playing Bridge with the other gals or whatever. It’s a party where a bunch of arrogant yupsters dress up in the […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: arrogance, blogging, comedy, housewife, housewife party, housewives, humor, life, lifestyle, lifestyle choice, list, Marriage, mom, mommy, mother, motherhood, parenting, people, random list, random post, satire, social commentary, wife

A Miserable Marriage

August 27, 2011 by Heather Christena Schmidt

Today on Facebook, one of my friends posted a question “what is the key to a successful marriage?” People were posting all manner of things: honesty, communication, devotion, sex, similar interests … all of them relevant, timely remarks that logically seem to help in making a successful marriage. But something about it didn’t really seem to hit right on the mark for me. My comment was a little off the beaten path of the rest of the comments (big surprise, […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: brides, civil union, compromise, couples, eHarmony, grooms, happiness, husband, Marriage, marry, misery, religious union, success, successful marriage, union, wife

Heather Christena Schmidt

I like my dogs. My kids? Not so much.

Tag: wife