Writer, Second

My name is Heather Christena Schmidt. I am the author of Disheveled, the series, as well as of three previously published satirical collections – all available on Amazon. I also contribute to mom blogs (my own, and others) and other satirical content websites, and am CEO and founder of AAC Publishing, an independent publishing and author resource company located in California.

It is in one of the essays of my most recent book that I felt it necessary to hone down a description of myself.  It is something we – as writers – are often asked to provide, and yet the real grit of it was always elusive to me. In reality, I think I just didn’t want to face my own truth.

“If I was half as cool as a teenager as I think I am today, I am certain that my life would have ended up much differently. 

It isn’t that I think my teenage years set me up for my future. But if we are being honest here, they did. There is one thing that I’ve learned from watching every coming-of-age movie ever made: what you do in high school sets the stage for the rest of your life.

I say that tongue-in-cheek, but also not. Most vividly are my memories of things that happened between 1994 and 2000, when I went from awkward pre-teen with terrible scoliosis and a mild obsession with Kurt Cobain, to pseudo-preppy – but also grunge, depending on the mood – girl that worked at Wendy’s and smoked Marlboro Lights.

At times in my teenage years, I was enthralled in school. At other times, I would sleep through the majority of my classes, then skip gym class because I didn’t want to wear the shorts. Some days I wore make up, others I wanted to burn my bra. I was confused and sure of myself, demure but openly discussed making out with a coworker in the Wendy’s drive thru.

Maybe I was a typical teen, which would lead me to believe that this was my own coming-of-age story. A beautiful mess wrapped up in bell bottomed pants and a Silverchair crop top.

But I was not cool about it. Most days I did not wear the jeans and crop top, rather I wore what I wear now: leggings and hoodies. “Beautiful mess” would not be quite as accurate as something like “demented sloth.”

… Today, I am none of the prior versions of me (with exception, of course, to some remnants of the curved spine). And yet somehow, I believe I am all of them. I am awkward (painfully so). Pedantic (to a fault). Snarky, misanthropic, intolerant. Indecisive and unsure of my place in this world, exactly as I was back when I was 17.

Some might say I’m a glass-half-empty kind of gal, and they would be right. And, naturally, I still listen to the same music I did back then. (As far as I’m concerned, no music has been made since my high school graduation.) If teenage years are best described as conflicting and angsty, then I am still there.

Except almost every weekend, you can find me at the local craft store being the Mom-est of all the Moms.

And this is where I find myself today: a mess. I don’t know if I’d go as far as to call it a beautiful mess anymore. Age is starting to grow into my forehead in ways that make my husband’s family members send invitations to their Botox parties.

But it’s a mess, nonetheless. I am a mess.

A part of me feels as though I am still a little kid playing house. My friends are waiting for me at recess to do their pretend birth center game they always played (it was so weird). And Baby, Alive needs another enema. I have been an adult for almost two, full decades. And yet I still feel, daily, as though I am still becoming a big girl. A big girl that pays bills and has other human beings to keep track of, ones that can’t even fend for themselves. But also, a kid that still doesn’t grasp how any of it works.

It’s enough to make a girl feel disheveled.”

In addition to writing on my mom blog, I also enjoy reading, traveling, painting, and mysticism. Oh, and occasionally my kids (although I think they took the quality of being annoying in any and all circumstances from their mother).

Thank you for visiting me in my journey, I hope you stick around. (And scroll for more detail on my writing services and most recent publications!)

To access all of my writing services, and get to know my publishing resources company better, please hop over to AAC Publishing by clicking HERE.

Check out my newest collection of satirical long-form essays on Amazon today!

Part One of Disheveled is just $5.99 in print, $2.99 Kindle! Don’t miss out on the quick, fun read!




You can also watch the 46 second trailer here…