I Don’t Work, “Get a Job,” Yadda yadda yadda

So, faithful blog followers, I’m super tired and we’re on our second viewing of Freaky Friday (that horrifyingly stupid movie with Jamie Lee Curtis and Linsey “I’mma fuck up ’til I die” Lohan) – so needless to say I’m feeling a little snarky. Last weekend, I went to this writers group meeting for an anthology that I submitted a piece to for publication. Of course, like every good writer I thought the other pieces submitted in the same category as mine all sucked. I mean they sucked hard. They sucked harder than that one time I had to suck all of the pimientos out of an entire jar of Spanish olives to make a log of Jamaican jerk cheese. That hard.

So one of the submissions that was – fortunately – rejected was about that terribly cliched topic of whether or not stay at home moms actually do a lot of work. In all seriousness, anyone that thinks to the contrary is an ass hat-jerk face that needs to have a serious date with my fist up their ass. But the other group of people that is way overdue for my fist up their asses is this group of morons that keep writing these idiotic diatribes about the plight of the stay at home mom.

The submission that was rejected for this anthology was one of the worst. To be honest, she sounded bitter. One of her worst lines went something like ‘so the next time you look down at me for not having a real job, Mr. PhD, remember I’m raising the children that may one day be saving your life.’ I am (of course) paraphrasing, but doesn’t it just make your blood boil to read that ignorant shit?

There are of course a few things that need to be addressed here:

For one, a stay at home mom or stay at home housewife does a lot of work – no if’s, and’s, or but’s about it. If I were to write one of these terribly self-aggrandizing essays, I would probably just write about a day like the one I had today. I would talk about how my day started at 7 am when the kid got up early because she went to bed early, and proceeded to turn the TV on in my bedroom to those frightening Yo Gabba Gabba shows and turn the volume higher and higher until I got up. Then it was teeth brushing, face washing, body bathing, clothing, and making breakfast. By 10, we were on our way to get the oil changed in my car. By 10:30 we were going to get early lunch at Subway. By 12noon we had gone to UPS, the Harbor Gift Shop, Kinkos, Staples, and Radioshack. By 1 in the afternoon we had done a major grocery shopping trip and were lugging all the bags into the house and into the refrigerator and preparing a healthy snack. After that were two hours of homeschooling, followed by three loads of laundry, more homeschooling, and the preparation of a healthful dinner of turkey, wild rice, and carrots. As if this were not enough, it was then time for more teeth brushing, more body washing, more clothing (only this time in pajamas), forty-five minutes of homeschool reading, and now I finally have some time to work on my latest knitting project and write this blog and (hopefully) sleep.

Staying at home is a lot of fucking work. Everyone knows this. We do not need more pithy and hostile diatribes written to justify that fact.

The second thing to discuss, though, is that Ms. Hostility up there does have a good point – there are a lot of people that still seem to look down on the stay at home act. I, myself, struggle to find meaning amidst all the laundry and errand running and it doesn’t help when I have assholes like Hello Kitty Toaster posting on Facebook bull shit about stay at home mothers or housewives needing to go out and get jobs. This reminds me of people that put others down for eating food they don’t believe to be healthy (which Hello Kitty Toaster incidentally does all the time) – as if they are so miserable in their own diet that they have to put down others to make themselves feel better about their decision to not eat carbs or fats or whatever it is they choose not to eat. I think this is the same thing that is going on when someone genuinely does look down on or talk down to stay at home mothers. Secretly, deep down inside they want to stay at home and raise the kids or whatever it is they’d want to do at home, and have to put others down to make themselves feel better about their decision to embark on a fulfilling life working at Burger King (or whatever their career choice may be).

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a stay at home mother or housewife. Despite the truth to this, though, we still don’t need it stated more. For years, this has been stated – in essays, articles, blogs, you name it. I can remember reading an essay in high school (over 10 years ago) called ‘My Mother Never Worked’ and it was all about the enormous amount of work the author’s mother actually did as a stay at home mom. The topic is overdone and no matter how many angry, hostile, and seemingly moronic attempts people make to justify that, it doesn’t work. People will always look down on it because people are assholes who think their way of life is the way of life.

So get over it. Move on. Get a hobby or go back to judging others for eating carbs or not eating carbs or whatever the fuck you want to judge them for. I’m just so tired of hearing people bicker and bitch about this topic. Shut the fuck up or you’ll be having that date with my fist up your ass.


  1. LunaSunshine

    I love the part about “having a date with my fist up your ass”. If you don’t mind, I think I’m going to start using that one.

    I absolutely detest some self-righteous monologues justifying staying at home. I feel like saying, “Shut up, you’re preaching to the choir here.” If a person has to be so self-righteous, then they are clearly grasping at justifying the plight of their existence at home. Which clearly tells me that they’d rather be somewhere else.

    So those gals can shut up. I don’t go on and on every single day about the nuances of motherhood. My kid staying up until all hours of the night, when I’m exhausted. Having to yell, “Go back to bed.” dozens of times. Or how he constantly robs my jewelry box and plays in my makeup, destroying everything he lays hands on. Guess what? He’s three. If I cared enough, I’d lock it up. But, he’s a boy. I can’t expect him not to get into my stuff.

    There are only those special incidents I like to talk about. Like, how he sprayed me with water, in my work clothes, just before we had to leave. Water is water, it will dry – that’s the good part. The bad part is that I have to commute in Pittsburgh winter on foot. Or, the time he smeared feces all over his body and I had to bathe him while running out the door. Or, the time he got a hold of my lotion and rubbed it all over himself – hair and all, before I had to leave. Seeing a pattern? My kid doesn’t want me to leave. He loves me enough to torture me, LOL.

    I have to agree with Kim on this one. I work, but it’s only part-time. I work because I need time away from the house. And that is the only justifiable way I can get any “me” time in my family unit. Besides, I kind of have to work to take care of the medical bills. We do need that money. And, I have to do some kind of career building in anticipation of the day my son (and subsequent future children) will go to school. Because, I do intend to work.

    You are homeschooling. Add that job to the list. Not only are you a mother, you are a teacher too. And teaching, whether it pays or not, is a job. Believe me. Oh, is it a job! For you, it’s not just about being at home. You are schooling your kids.

    So, the point is this. If a woman is happy staying at home, then stay at home. If a woman is unhappy at home, then go back to work. And women need to stop bitching about it either way.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      Thanks! I hadn’t thought about the homeschooling/teacher thing and I do believe you are right. It is SOOOOO much work to homeschool. And I agree – happy staying at home DO IT, not happy DON’T. But step off each other’s roll already!!

  2. Tiffany

    So I think this (and many other topics) are discussed over and over just because moms are the way they are. Every mom thinks their way of doing things (breastfeed or not, immunize or not, how to eat, work vs stay at home, etc) is best. Of course they do, otherwise why would they do it that way? This is the reason I get along better with men. Women seem to need to force their opinion on anyone who listens. The only issue I have with stay at home mom’s is from a financial perspective; I am a CPA afterall. If that’s the choice the couple makes there needs to be planning in advance of that occurring and if there is a change in the financial situation, the SAHM needs to get back to work. I’ve seen many situations where families are financially ruined because the woman just thinks its her right to stay at home no matter what.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      Tell it how it is – women are very opinionated! Haha!! I can see exactly what you are saying about the financial aspect, although I would argue that it still depends on the circumstance. If mom isn’t able to make enough to even cover the amount of childcare that would be added to the monthly expenses, is it worth it? If husband went out and maxed out the credit cards buying things without mom’s awareness or agreement, should she be obliged to go to work to cover his ass? I suppose I would just argue that “change in financial circumstances” could have a few caveats, of course I know don’t mean those circumstances.

  3. The Confluent Kitchen

    Eloquent as always. 🙂

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt


  4. mrmarymuthafuckingpoppins

    “ass hat-jerk face that needs to have a serious date with my fist up their ass. ”

    You could try to be a proctologist !!

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      You might be on to something here…

  5. Kim

    I work, for the sole purpose of getting the HELL away from my house…. Far away… I tried the stay-at-home gig, once…. It. Was Horrifying.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      It is horrifying at time. I sometimes wonder how long I will last before going to work hahah

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