The Return of the Lady With the Pink Hat

… or, perhaps more accurately described: Day 3 of “My Kid Is Better Than Yours Hell.”

Last year we made an attempt to go to every one of the Wednesdays at the Library free kids events, offered at our local library. Quickly, though, I learned that such events are home of SOAPs (Summertime OverAchieving Parents), self-entitled Californians, and just basically a sea of the ugliest humanity has to offer.

We stopped going to them last summer after there was an altercation between my father and a psychotic lady in a pink hat. It went something like this: my father was walking into the library to meet us, where we were standing in line to get into the community room where a kid’s show was about to start. He is a candidate for full hip replacement and moves a little slow; all of a sudden a little bastard about two years old ran into him and he almost fell over. My dad looked down and said “watch where you are going” and apparently (I did not know this until recently) the librarian told the kid to stop running. As a side note, it is not okay for children to run in a public library; and had my father fallen he would have broken his hip and had a world of problems just because his parents apparently didn’t care to teach their kid basic manners.

A little later, we were standing in line, and all of a sudden this psychotic lady in a pink hat came over and started screaming – literally screaming – at my father for getting into her kid’s way and for telling him to watch where he was going. He hadn’t yelled; he hadn’t even spoken harshly. He was just minding his own business, walking into the public library; and followed up almost being knocked over with a “watch where you are going.” Apparently this was an annoyance to this lady, though, because she kept screaming louder and louder until finally she stopped when someone said to get a librarian to ask her to leave; and then we all went into the show. Afterwards, her little bastard, fucktard of a child was pulling antique books off the shelves in the lobby of the library and screaming so loudly that she and her friends were asked to leave by the library staff. After that, we didn’t attend anymore of the Wednesday Summertime events.

Until today.

Today was the balloon show. We went to the one last year and it was really good and so after much begging and pleading, I caved (assuming that nothing would be going on). The event was already overwhelming as is. They let more than the maximum capacity into the room; kids were screaming and talking and running around; and the show, itself, was a little bizarre (to say the least). Nonetheless, everyone was having a good time until this little kid stood up in the middle of the seated children and started screaming.

“Austin sit down!” I heard a lady yell from behind me and I looked over, and to my dismay the lady with a pink hat was standing right there. She was not in a pink hat again, but I could never forget this woman’s ugly-ass mug.

Austin did not sit down, so – in the middle of the show – she flopped herself to the front of the room and trampled over a bunch of small children to lean in and pull her little asshole out of the area. Just then, a man whose children she had trampled over, said quietly “ma’am, please don’t trample over our kids just to get your son under control.”

With fire in her eyes and a vein popping out of her head, this psychotic bitch plopped Austin down behind us, and trampled back over to the front where the man was standing on the outskirts. On her way, she kicked me in the kidney (I was seated on the floor).

“Don’t you talk to me that way! Don’t you talk about my son that way!!!” she started screaming – screaming, fucking screaming – with her finger in his face.

“Don’t trample my kid!” he said and then the librarian came over and told them both to cut it out.

Crazy pink hat lady grabbed Austin and sat down in the nearest chair (which was right next to me, where I was seated on the floor), so we got up and moved to the back of the room. She sat there for a few moments, with a crazy look in her eye, and then all of a sudden she had her hands in a meditation pose and was muttering to herself. At this point, the balloon show had reached an all-time bizarre point, where one of the people in it had fully submersed himself into a large balloon. This was – by far – the craziest thing I had ever witnessed, between Psycho Susan and her little bastard in need of ADHD meds and the guy bouncing up and down inside a balloon.

Then, as if things couldn’t get any worse, the man who had asked the woman not to trample the kids went to leave and crazy pink hat lady – with a crazy look in her eyes – followed him out into the lobby and proceeded to scream at him to try and pick a fight, leaving her kid inside the show, completely unaware of how much of a psychotic bitch his mother is. At the height of the screaming, I heard her yell “how dare you say these things about my son!!” and he simply screamed back “it’s not about him, it’s about you – you psychotic cunt!” He was asked to leave and she returned just as the show ended to gather poor Austin. We shuttled out of the place immediately.

It doesn’t get much more bizarre than this, faithful blog followers. We are only three days into “My Kid Is Better Than Yours Hell” with eleven more to go. It seems like the people in my community are all looking for a fight. To be honest, though, I’m just glad it didn’t have anything to do with us this time.

Why is everyone so angry?


  1. Connie

    Wow. Pink hat lady is FREAKING NUTS! People like that are what cause all this criminal activity in America…………….

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      It really is frightening, isn’t it? We didn’t go to the library program today for fear she would be there..

      1. Connie

        Definitely! I think I would skip the library program for a while, too.

  2. rich

    oh, another thing. those tweets about what you’re doing, where you’re going. not a good idea. when people know where you are, they also know where you aren’t. know what i mean?

  3. rich

    it’s a game called “pass the anger.” when i was married, i used to watch my father-in-law bitch as his wife while she was quietly watching tv. now that he had dumped his anger on her, she had to get rid of it, so she found her daughter (my ex) and would find a reason to scream at her. then my ex would come to me, and i’d put up my hand, and i’d say, “NFW are you taking all that shit your parents gave you and giving it to me. go kick the cat if you want, but you’re not kicking me. i’m going to play golf.”

    so her son is an angry kid, and he surely drives her nuts, and she’s angry as fuck, but she can’t yell at him, so she’s gotta find someone else to dump it on. there are only two solutions. 1. somehow manage to educate her. 2. beat her with a pointed stick.

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      I like beating with a pointed stick hahaha. Pass the anger – I think especially here in Southern California, this is a big thing people do simply because there is a lot to be angry and stressed out about here. Economy. Traffic. Fast-paced lifestyle. Cost of living. It’s just a matter of not getting sucked in.

      1. rich

        if more people got sucked off instead of sucked in, we’d all be happier. well, 50% of us would be happier.

  4. Heather Christena Schmidt

    Oh I pity the kid as well because he is going to have a lot of obstacles to overcome if his mom continues to alienate herself from functional society like that. And you are right, what is going on behind closed doors? I feel sorry for her husband (she was wearing a wedding ring) and the kid – although who even knows what the husband is like? Eek, gives me shivers to imagine their home. I also pity her, though, because she needs help. She needs help and is taking it all out on other people, most importantly her son. The kidney shot did hurt a lot but I like to keep a little class at the library hahaha. What I didn’t understand, and still don’t, is that the guy that was arguing with her got asked to leave, whereas she was allowed to stay. That isn’t the first time she had caused a scene at that library…

  5. butcheringsaint

    Lol the fire this lady will suffer. Makes me want to hate people like that, but, on second thought, i simply pity them. Glad i have a small town library with an awesome librarian. Great post

    1. Heather Christena Schmidt

      I am jealous of your small town library!! I wish that is what ours was like. You are right in the pity thing, I think – I really just feel bad for people that are so unhappy with their lives that they have to spew their anger everywhere else.

      1. butcheringsaint

        No i really and honestly pity the kid. If she is screaming in public what is she doing behind closed doors? Thats the scariest part. Most people are somewhat restrained in public. The kid is desperately acting how raised. I applaud you on not smacking that b#$%& up as prodigy says. I might have for the kidney shot. Those hurt. Still you had a great insightful post. Thanks for sharing

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